is it always gonna be a struggle?
So while at work tonight ( long boring night shift) I was facebook stalking people and I came across the little whore that brian cheated on me with after he came home from iraq but before he came home to redding, she was another soldiers wife.....disgusting right?....so anyway, now I'm left feeling like I did after I first found out more than a year ago, now I'm looking at all the fighting that came from that and all the struggle and I'm wondering was it worth it? Am I "healing" or am I just pretending that I'm happy and things r better, do I think he will cheat again..I dont know....maybe...cheating isn't the worst thing he could do,to me its the constant day to day emotional emptiness that I get from him, its like a blank canvas, where did MY husband go? The one that sent me sweet random love messages....now I'm lucky if he acknowledges I hane spoken.....so here it is....when is t my turn? When do I get to be happy, I'm constantly atruggle to ensure he is happy and I'm always failing, so when is it okay to say " I can't do this anymore?" Is all the struggle really worth it? Is there and ending or am I still going to be fighting the same fight in 5 years. ..10 years...until my children are grown and I can be happy without feeling selfish? When is it okay for me........I want to feel loved to feel appreciated. ..to feel wanted, these things are not so much to ask.....however this new soul that inhabits my husbands body I fear is incapable of such great emotions........so again what am I fighting for, when no pot of gold is visible anywhere near my rainbow. ....