life is something we survive
so my husband and i get into a spat tonight, instead of yelling and being aggresive like i usually do, i leave thinking this would be the better choice, and when i call him so we can work things out, he tells me he wants a divorce, huh? seriously? says hes at am/pm getting cigs and we can talk when we both get home, come to find out that hes at a bar with a person or people rather he isnt suppose to be with, he lied...shocked? really cause neither am i, this on going cycle of hurt is almost to much, i cant handle it anymore, i give up, hes gonna lied and most likely he is gonna cheat and im over driving myself crazy trying to prevent it, its making me a very unlikeable person...all this after just four months ago, i stop divorce preccedings and decided to work things out because he swears he will give up the bar and these particular people, why is it that no matter i try to do, i am never good enough to be treated like someone important in his life, why are these people so much better than i am that they are worth breaking up our home and leaving our two week old child with divorced parents??? i wish i could really explain all the shit that has gone down this past year , but really it would take to much time, part of me wants to walk away, im tired of saving hiim from hisself, if i could afford it i mihght just do that, it seems to be what he wants anyway.......never in my life have i felt so alone in my struggle .... we may be able to work it out for a bit longer, but im afraid its not gonna last so my goal now is to get on my feet, save some money and be ready for the next time he decieds he needs more than a wife and child, that he needs bars and people and women so damn much thats it worth lying to me, i can say "okay im done"...hopefully i will be strong enough to do just that................