the house of mirth
- “Yes - but it had taken two to build the nest; the man's faith as well as the woman's courage. Lily remembered Netti's words: I know he knew about me. Her husband's faith in her had made her renewal possible - it is so easy for a woman to become what the man she loves believes her to be! Well - Selden had twice been ready to stake his faith on Lily Bart; but the third trial had been too severe for his endurance. The very quality of his love had made it the more impossible to recall to life. If it had been a simple instinct of the blood, the power of her beauty might have revived it. But the fact that it struck deeper, then it was inextricably wound up with inherited habits of thought and feeling, made it as impossible to restore to growth as a deep-rooted plant torn from its bed. Selden had given her of his best; but he was as incapable as herself of an uncritical return to former states of feeling.”
- "yes - it was happiness she still wanted, and the glimpse she had caught of it made everything else of no account. one by one she detached herself from the baser possibilities, and she saw that nothing now remained to her but the the emptiness of renunciation."
- “And she looked back she saw that there had never been a time when she had had any real relation to life.”
besides being my normal social self (parties, movies, wawa, wawa, wawa, wawa, parties, wawa, kroner ect.) i have been reading ALOT. i have read the great gatsby (which i hate and love. i hate it because of how shallow daisy is. but i love it because its writing is just amazing) i read The Dead. (which i straight up love. i almost wanted to cry i loved it so much. Micheal fury is an amazing character. Gabriel is just perfect. and the final 5 pages are just heart stopping and perfect in everyway.) and i also just finished The house of mirth. (this book really broght down my mood. it was describing things that i had thought but couldnt write as well as edith whaton has. i wrote an essay on if lily committs suicide or if its was a mistake....i honest think she just was so tired of life that the only way for her to be rested would be to die. like...say she had been lifting all day and then that night slept for 12 hours. 12 hours of sleep is what her body needed after all that work. after lily's life, an etenity of sleep is what her body needed. i dunno though, i could be wrong. before the semester is done im going to read the rest of 2012. chris and ali asked me if i finished it and their echoes have been haunting me since then. so that needs to get done.
so after reading the house of mirth kiley stopped by, (1am drop in, totaly cool) and we talked. and my mood was really down after reading that story but after we talked i just felt amazing. things with us have always been that way and im happy they havent changed.
tomorrow i have two classes. ill prob chill with hillary. we have been hanging out a lot this week which is really nice. we play mario party and eat pizza. shes been sick so ive been helping her a little bit here and there. i have her some of my emergencys and waters and such. we went to see the aqua teen movie today. NO BEUNO. i almost fell asleep. the first 30 minutes ruled. then the rest was sooo boring. it was even funny it was just stupid. im your father, no im your father, no im your mother, i still dont know who was who. real dumb.
ive been buggin oliver to watch 'children of men'. ive seen it twice but i feel like its a good rainy day movie. OH! and ive been writing! which is good. i wrote a whole thing about my room, and the old memories vs. the new memories and the memories that never happend that i wished happend. its not done, itll never get done, it was an excerise for myself to see if i could put new ideas together with old ideas and play with some words. i wrote another piece about emily dickenson (who ive been oppsest with since a month ago) which i like. i used a lot of really wierd word choices like instead of the sun filling to room, i wrote it 'toured' the room. i dunno - i like it...
summer is almost here. you knoww what that means. trip to AZ. CT. beach party. chillin with the boys plus ali and leah. and basicly just being myself and not having to worry about seeing people i dont like or dirt bags trying to drug girls. things can just be beautiful. i want to go to reservation all the time. i want picnic fest 4 to be amazing. last years wasnt all that sweet. picnic fest 2 was awesome. whatever i did that year ill have to do that again. annnd one thing i really want to do is go to 'burning man' i dont know if itll happen but its something ive wanted to do for a year now and it would really be exactly what i need to expand my mind even more and gain a perspective on life i dont have currently.
the rain is stopping...itll pick up again. i have this Euphoric feeling that everything is beautiful right now and i wouldn't trade it for the world.