high five
i have been spending a lot of time with my roommate recently. me him and his gf and her friend hill have been doing things from time to time. fun things that dont involve drinking which is what everyone seems to do here. its pretty stupid really. but thats besides the point.
last night laura comes down just grabs oliver and starts kissing him and hugging him and telling him how much she loves him. i havent seen her do that ever. shes very conservative. after she left i asked oliver what he did to get so much love from her. he laughed kind of embarrast and he told me that he left a note of her microsoft word that said that he missed and loved her and that she should come viste him when she got back. i remember i did that once. today they laid in bed together and teased eachother perfectly playfully and everything seemed perfect between them. he is confident in himself. and so is she. things about them that would make me feel weird - like his gulping laugh or her naturally permed hair - are what makes them them, and they dont care that someone may look at them funny. i always try to be something im not. like gatsby - i used to try so hard to be a scenester with music. now im not, im just me but still. and i try to be cool, i dont wear my glasses out because im usually the only one with them - so i squint all night and look probly more like a fool. i believe they are truely in love and honestly i am very jealous. i dont feel weird when they lay in bed cuddling all morning, i just feel like i want that and deserve that. itll come, i just have to be patient.
i wrote a 3 page surrealist short story of a man and women who walk over a bridge in a park. the man leads them threw a forest. and the trees in the woods he has frames and hung pictures from her past, things that still haunt her or make her happy. and as they walk threw it she goes threw each memory and the man gives her all the honest about it she wont admit to herself. at the end the woman isnt holding hands with the guy or even near him. they reach the end of the forest and there is the same bridge they walked over - only this time, the man doesnt go with her. its realllllly personal to me and others. thats why i didnt post it. there are reaccuring themes in it too, like a god character who's nose whistles and ants that eat an ice pop and a river that only makes a sounf because of how shallow it is. symbols symbols symbols.
classes were good today. im really looking forward to this weekend. im ready for it, academicly, this was a long week.
olivers phones ringing so i have to get going. im seeing a movie with hil laura and him and then were going out to dinner. i can honestly say that for the first time at rider i am happy. there are a few things i would like to change but they arent in me, they are in others and i cannot control them. i am at peace with the trama and drama of last semester and with every deep breath my smile gets bigger. i am in ursinus shorts, sagged below my ass, a sweater and shaggy hair. my zits are small and im wide eyed. i lost all the weight i wanted to loose and i will try to no longer put stock in what women think of me or who does or doesnt like me. im better than all that. im not reafirming myself - im reminding you.
last night laura comes down just grabs oliver and starts kissing him and hugging him and telling him how much she loves him. i havent seen her do that ever. shes very conservative. after she left i asked oliver what he did to get so much love from her. he laughed kind of embarrast and he told me that he left a note of her microsoft word that said that he missed and loved her and that she should come viste him when she got back. i remember i did that once. today they laid in bed together and teased eachother perfectly playfully and everything seemed perfect between them. he is confident in himself. and so is she. things about them that would make me feel weird - like his gulping laugh or her naturally permed hair - are what makes them them, and they dont care that someone may look at them funny. i always try to be something im not. like gatsby - i used to try so hard to be a scenester with music. now im not, im just me but still. and i try to be cool, i dont wear my glasses out because im usually the only one with them - so i squint all night and look probly more like a fool. i believe they are truely in love and honestly i am very jealous. i dont feel weird when they lay in bed cuddling all morning, i just feel like i want that and deserve that. itll come, i just have to be patient.
i wrote a 3 page surrealist short story of a man and women who walk over a bridge in a park. the man leads them threw a forest. and the trees in the woods he has frames and hung pictures from her past, things that still haunt her or make her happy. and as they walk threw it she goes threw each memory and the man gives her all the honest about it she wont admit to herself. at the end the woman isnt holding hands with the guy or even near him. they reach the end of the forest and there is the same bridge they walked over - only this time, the man doesnt go with her. its realllllly personal to me and others. thats why i didnt post it. there are reaccuring themes in it too, like a god character who's nose whistles and ants that eat an ice pop and a river that only makes a sounf because of how shallow it is. symbols symbols symbols.
classes were good today. im really looking forward to this weekend. im ready for it, academicly, this was a long week.
olivers phones ringing so i have to get going. im seeing a movie with hil laura and him and then were going out to dinner. i can honestly say that for the first time at rider i am happy. there are a few things i would like to change but they arent in me, they are in others and i cannot control them. i am at peace with the trama and drama of last semester and with every deep breath my smile gets bigger. i am in ursinus shorts, sagged below my ass, a sweater and shaggy hair. my zits are small and im wide eyed. i lost all the weight i wanted to loose and i will try to no longer put stock in what women think of me or who does or doesnt like me. im better than all that. im not reafirming myself - im reminding you.