When they were leaving, she paid...and opened her own doors.
this week has been another great week. since spring break i have nothing but good days and good nights. ive spent a lot of time on the phone the past few days and ive spent a lot of time looking back on things, and looking forward to things. i thought a lot about joe and our childhood on wednesday. usually wednesday is a big party, but i was really feeling it so i just chilled with some beers and didnt get wasted like everyone else. they were playing music from the 90s like fastball. the summer that joe left for Arizona was when he loved fastball - the way. it made me think back to his going away party and basketball camps and being this kid who didnt know anything and didnt care to know anything. it made me wonder what it will be like if we end up going to seatle. it made me grateful to be friends with him for so long and through him i have met some of the most amazing people in the world. his dad is like a dad to me. and his mom is like a mom to me. i have been reading "the dead" by james joyce and it is one of the most amazing stories i have ever read. i can identify with each character. i hope i dont end up like michael fury. at least gretta never forgets him. everyone is getting together tonight at my house which i am excited for. i feel so comfortable around my boys. at school i chill with a lot of diffrent groups but it never feels just right. leah will even be in town for the weekend so ill probs see her friday night.
for easter my fam and i will be in conn. im not all that excited for that. we usually all make pizza as a family but since i wont be there until saturday night i wont be able to do that part. its pretty disappointing. at least ill be near the ocean in which case ill be sure to spend a lot of time looking at the stars and looking back on more things in my life. im going to bring my journal and fill a few pages with some thoughts, im not going to bring my laptop or cell phone. i want to be disconnected from life as if i didn't or don't exsist. i remember feeling as if i didn't exsist last year and i hated it. i was trying to talk and make my feelings known and they fell on deaf ears and maybe thats why my confidence has faded as much as it has. this weekend i will not exsist at my own hands and maybe, since im in control of it, it will help me out. who knows though.
in one of my classes all the students try to answer the teacher as quickly and as well worded as they can and i think it makes them sound stupid. i always sit back and let the information come to me. i think of what the answer might be, and then i think of what the answer isnt. and if the teacher calls on me i say the wrong answer on purpose in a way in which he understands that i know the right answer and he smiles at me. the other students laugh at me thinking how dumb i must be and how i was the only one who got a 50 on the quiz. but i still lean back and let the information come to me because i know that i will apply the information in that 50 quiz grade to my life while they can only just memorize shit. their life never changes, its the same shit everyday for them. and maybe its the same shit for me too, but at least im trying to change things up. i like who i am but whats to say i cant be improved. fuck i know there is a lot in me that needs adjusting - so im going to keep spining the wheels of the rubix cube - and maybe ill never get the colors all set but im not color blind, and i wont stand up proud until shit is complete.
for easter my fam and i will be in conn. im not all that excited for that. we usually all make pizza as a family but since i wont be there until saturday night i wont be able to do that part. its pretty disappointing. at least ill be near the ocean in which case ill be sure to spend a lot of time looking at the stars and looking back on more things in my life. im going to bring my journal and fill a few pages with some thoughts, im not going to bring my laptop or cell phone. i want to be disconnected from life as if i didn't or don't exsist. i remember feeling as if i didn't exsist last year and i hated it. i was trying to talk and make my feelings known and they fell on deaf ears and maybe thats why my confidence has faded as much as it has. this weekend i will not exsist at my own hands and maybe, since im in control of it, it will help me out. who knows though.
in one of my classes all the students try to answer the teacher as quickly and as well worded as they can and i think it makes them sound stupid. i always sit back and let the information come to me. i think of what the answer might be, and then i think of what the answer isnt. and if the teacher calls on me i say the wrong answer on purpose in a way in which he understands that i know the right answer and he smiles at me. the other students laugh at me thinking how dumb i must be and how i was the only one who got a 50 on the quiz. but i still lean back and let the information come to me because i know that i will apply the information in that 50 quiz grade to my life while they can only just memorize shit. their life never changes, its the same shit everyday for them. and maybe its the same shit for me too, but at least im trying to change things up. i like who i am but whats to say i cant be improved. fuck i know there is a lot in me that needs adjusting - so im going to keep spining the wheels of the rubix cube - and maybe ill never get the colors all set but im not color blind, and i wont stand up proud until shit is complete.