LJ Idol, Ex. A: Week 1 - "Am I Crazy?"
Deena held out her trembling hands, palms upwards. Her eyes roamed over their delicate surface, following the tiny lines and creases back and forth, admiring the obvious M in the center of her right palm, and the defective, fractured, incomplete M in her left. She stood at the counter and closed her deep-set hazel eyes and took a slow, calming breath - in through her nose, out through her mouth. Once, twice, three times. Deena felt her hands tensing, clenching of their own volition, her short blunted nails digging ineffectually into her palms.
In... out...
In... out...
A few shoulder shrugs and circles helped to relax her upper body. Her fists loosened again. She was far too tense, overly anxious about everything - she had always been that way, ever since she could remember. Years ago she had been a serious child who rarely smiled unless prompted; later a somber, steadfast adolescent with few close confidantes. In college she was always the designated driver, the "responsible" one - the girl you could call at 2am to drive you back to campus once the party was over; the one who always attended every class and took excellent notes.
Dependable. Solid. Boring.
Not anymore.
Deena opened her eyes and looked down at her hands again. They were stained a deep red, and like Lady Macbeth she feared nothing could wash it away. She wrung her hands, squeezing her palms and fingers together, over and over to no avail. Her heart beat faster, thudding loudly within her thin chest, and she felt herself hyperventilating.
"What have I done? Dear Lord, what was I thinking?"
In a fit of rage, Deena howled with frustration and flung the ceramic bowl away from her. The vessel and the lumpy, dark red mass within splattered all over her pristine kitchen floor.
"Forgive me, Duncan, for I have sinned."
She stepped over the ceramic shards and the doughy mass, and calmly retrieved a fresh mixing bowl from the cabinet. "Red Velvet Cookies - I must be insane. Everyone will be expecting those for Valentine's Day!"
Deena reached into the corner cupboard for a box of Duncan Hines Classic White Cake Mix and read the recipes on the back. "White Chocolate Raspberry cupcakes... oh, that sounds crazy good!"
Humming tunelessly under her breath, Deena licked her dry lips and felt a smile tugging the corner of her mouth upwards as she pre-heated the oven. She opened the refrigerator and retrieved three eggs out of the carton. One shell was slightly cracked, but Deena didn't care as she whacked it and its mates against the edge of the bowl, watching their insides ooze over the white powdery cake mix. She added the water and oil, then got out her hand mixer and beat everything together thoroughly. The batter looked slightly off - it wasn't quite white - but that was undoubtedly because she hadn't thought to separate the eggs, damn it.
With a twinkle in her eye she hurled the second bowl to the floor on top of the first. Maniacal laughter bubbled up past her lips and spewed forth. "Third time's the charm, MacDuff! Lead on!"
In... out...
In... out...
A few shoulder shrugs and circles helped to relax her upper body. Her fists loosened again. She was far too tense, overly anxious about everything - she had always been that way, ever since she could remember. Years ago she had been a serious child who rarely smiled unless prompted; later a somber, steadfast adolescent with few close confidantes. In college she was always the designated driver, the "responsible" one - the girl you could call at 2am to drive you back to campus once the party was over; the one who always attended every class and took excellent notes.
Dependable. Solid. Boring.
Not anymore.
Deena opened her eyes and looked down at her hands again. They were stained a deep red, and like Lady Macbeth she feared nothing could wash it away. She wrung her hands, squeezing her palms and fingers together, over and over to no avail. Her heart beat faster, thudding loudly within her thin chest, and she felt herself hyperventilating.
"What have I done? Dear Lord, what was I thinking?"
In a fit of rage, Deena howled with frustration and flung the ceramic bowl away from her. The vessel and the lumpy, dark red mass within splattered all over her pristine kitchen floor.
"Forgive me, Duncan, for I have sinned."
She stepped over the ceramic shards and the doughy mass, and calmly retrieved a fresh mixing bowl from the cabinet. "Red Velvet Cookies - I must be insane. Everyone will be expecting those for Valentine's Day!"
Deena reached into the corner cupboard for a box of Duncan Hines Classic White Cake Mix and read the recipes on the back. "White Chocolate Raspberry cupcakes... oh, that sounds crazy good!"
Humming tunelessly under her breath, Deena licked her dry lips and felt a smile tugging the corner of her mouth upwards as she pre-heated the oven. She opened the refrigerator and retrieved three eggs out of the carton. One shell was slightly cracked, but Deena didn't care as she whacked it and its mates against the edge of the bowl, watching their insides ooze over the white powdery cake mix. She added the water and oil, then got out her hand mixer and beat everything together thoroughly. The batter looked slightly off - it wasn't quite white - but that was undoubtedly because she hadn't thought to separate the eggs, damn it.
With a twinkle in her eye she hurled the second bowl to the floor on top of the first. Maniacal laughter bubbled up past her lips and spewed forth. "Third time's the charm, MacDuff! Lead on!"