(no subject)
I have suffered for more than three years now with an onslaught of undiagnosed symptoms. When I was a child I used to think that doctors were omniscient when it came to dealing with the body. If you were in pain the cause was swiftly discovered and treated. Unfortunately today I am all too aware of the reality of the world, and that fact that despite what one is lead to think, doctors are in fact humans, and the human body is in fact still nearly a complete mystery even to the advanced technology of the medical field.
It all started three years ago with two consistent problems that emerged out of nowhere. These two problems would subside and reappear with no warning for nearly 2 years. I would be driven to wit's end by their constant and unfaltering persistence. As a result I was introduced to a new definition of the word anxiety. What had once meant to me to be nervousness and worry would soon evolve to despair and dread and soon such extreme measures that vocabulary to describe it was non-existent. Something I once believed to be an overestimation by the medical field and a crutch by the weak was now a tremendous weight added to my load, a weight so intense that even when I was able to escape its burden it loomed over my subconscious just waiting for the right time to pounce.
As time went on doctors increased, and hope decreased. I would find myself awake for hours on end nightly looking for some sort of answer on message boards of people suffering a similar fate. Their stories would touch me and leave me in utter despair. Page after page of unanswered voices crying out in agony, confused and scared like me, left with no answer as to why they are made to feel this way. The doctors would soon give up and chalk it up to the anxiety that was non-existent before this pain.
I am now left in a corner, alone and afraid with no open hands to guide me out. My friends and family would be supportive and caring, but lack any sort of true understanding. Doubts in their heads would become too apparent and comforting hands would need to be asked for instead of extended. I can sense my struggle and begging for help causing distance between the people I love and myself. People have forgotten who I once was and now treat me as if I have always been this way, like the true me never existed and I was always this mess of emotion and discomfort.
It all started three years ago with two consistent problems that emerged out of nowhere. These two problems would subside and reappear with no warning for nearly 2 years. I would be driven to wit's end by their constant and unfaltering persistence. As a result I was introduced to a new definition of the word anxiety. What had once meant to me to be nervousness and worry would soon evolve to despair and dread and soon such extreme measures that vocabulary to describe it was non-existent. Something I once believed to be an overestimation by the medical field and a crutch by the weak was now a tremendous weight added to my load, a weight so intense that even when I was able to escape its burden it loomed over my subconscious just waiting for the right time to pounce.
As time went on doctors increased, and hope decreased. I would find myself awake for hours on end nightly looking for some sort of answer on message boards of people suffering a similar fate. Their stories would touch me and leave me in utter despair. Page after page of unanswered voices crying out in agony, confused and scared like me, left with no answer as to why they are made to feel this way. The doctors would soon give up and chalk it up to the anxiety that was non-existent before this pain.
I am now left in a corner, alone and afraid with no open hands to guide me out. My friends and family would be supportive and caring, but lack any sort of true understanding. Doubts in their heads would become too apparent and comforting hands would need to be asked for instead of extended. I can sense my struggle and begging for help causing distance between the people I love and myself. People have forgotten who I once was and now treat me as if I have always been this way, like the true me never existed and I was always this mess of emotion and discomfort.