(no subject)
My symptoms are getting much much worse. I hardly feel like I can function anymore most days of the week. I've somehow been keeping up with school, but with money problems and the inability to get a steady job because of this, the future looks bleak. My intestines feel as if they are strangling themselves, my chest feels as if my ribs are being pulled into itself, dizzy bouts, shortness of breath, spine and back pressure and pain and what feels like a rush of or lack of blood to the nose and neck. I have an appointment to see a lyme specialist late this month, it feels like my last hope. I would sacrifice appendages, years of therapy, whatever, just to feel normal again.
Somedays I feel OK, like it was all in the past and I'm going towards a healthy future. I jog, I eat right, I take care of myself. Other days I am certain of my soon to be realized mortality. I truly feel as if I am dying. I pray for relief, I convince myself that if I can just do the right combination of things, live the right lifestyle or change the right things in the world I can find it. Perhaps I am being punished. Perhaps this is what I get for breaking promises to myself and finding comfort in nothingness and laziness.
The thought of not being able to live an active life is truly spirit crushing. I'm not certain if I'll ever roam the world or live in the forest or sleep on the mountains, but I can't stand the idea of the potential of it not being possible. I hope that I have a chance to truly experience this life before it's taken from me.
Somedays I feel OK, like it was all in the past and I'm going towards a healthy future. I jog, I eat right, I take care of myself. Other days I am certain of my soon to be realized mortality. I truly feel as if I am dying. I pray for relief, I convince myself that if I can just do the right combination of things, live the right lifestyle or change the right things in the world I can find it. Perhaps I am being punished. Perhaps this is what I get for breaking promises to myself and finding comfort in nothingness and laziness.
The thought of not being able to live an active life is truly spirit crushing. I'm not certain if I'll ever roam the world or live in the forest or sleep on the mountains, but I can't stand the idea of the potential of it not being possible. I hope that I have a chance to truly experience this life before it's taken from me.