(no subject)
My health is majorly on the fritz again. It's hard to maintain a consistent attitude towards it, or anything for that matter, when it's constantly fluctuating. Old pains and new ones come and go and come again, leaving me tired and warn. The days in between pains are seldom many, making it difficult to accomplish anything. I find myself lying awake until dawn and wasting away the mornings only to awaken late and dread the night which will again follow. The worst part is the doctors seem more stumped than I am. Hours upon hours per day are devoted to research which leads me to the same dead ends. I'd do anything for some answers, just to feel like I was getting somewhere.
I find myself drifting away to memories of the past more and more each day. The future seems so clouded and unattainable. If only I could break free of this barrage of ailments, maybe I could finally accomplish something to defog the future.
I miss the friends that have left over this past year, people I was just beginning to know, and for once I was beginning to feel like I belonged again, and then nearly all of them seemed to disappear as soon as they came. Tonight the last of those leaving departs. I had forgotten how good it felt to be appreciated and how the bond of real friendships feel. I think some self confidence and general happiness has been renewed inside of me. It's true you become a little bit of who you surround yourself with, and I'm honored and proud to be who I am because of the friends I've made here in Orlando and the friendships that have endured from years long past. I wish it didn't take so long for me to become such intimate friends with everyone here. I really love my friends, I only wish I could prove it to them in means they deserve.
If one day I get through this medical trial, I am going to change the world, even if just by a small dent.
I find myself drifting away to memories of the past more and more each day. The future seems so clouded and unattainable. If only I could break free of this barrage of ailments, maybe I could finally accomplish something to defog the future.
I miss the friends that have left over this past year, people I was just beginning to know, and for once I was beginning to feel like I belonged again, and then nearly all of them seemed to disappear as soon as they came. Tonight the last of those leaving departs. I had forgotten how good it felt to be appreciated and how the bond of real friendships feel. I think some self confidence and general happiness has been renewed inside of me. It's true you become a little bit of who you surround yourself with, and I'm honored and proud to be who I am because of the friends I've made here in Orlando and the friendships that have endured from years long past. I wish it didn't take so long for me to become such intimate friends with everyone here. I really love my friends, I only wish I could prove it to them in means they deserve.
If one day I get through this medical trial, I am going to change the world, even if just by a small dent.