I'm Not A Muslim, But I Still Say Salaam.
My thought for today: fandom "discusses" issues like my family argues over everything. Constant bitching and complaining, screaming over each other, nobody listening to anything being said, hurling invective like javelins, and whoever shuts up first automatically loses the fight. The only difference is that after a fight, I can go out for beer with my family and we get over our bullshit whereas after yet another kerfuffle in fandom, everyone ends up smeared and looking like assholes, and nobody lets shit go because they've got to save it for the inevitable dogpiling that occurs the next time this issue rolls around.
Oh, fandom, why don't you ever fucking change?
Conversations with my family, part I.
Brother: "Have you heard about the cheese incident?"
Me: "No."
Sister: "Oh, my God, you haven't heard the cheese story? Tell her!"
Brother: "Okay, so I'm on the job*. It's four a.m. and I'm outside on my smoke break when I see this homeless-looking guy run across the street towards me, shouting 'Officer! Officer!'"
Me: "Ahahaha! He thought you were a cop?"
Brother: "Pfft, that was nothing. This one time, a guy called me 'inspector'. Anyway, so he runs across the street towards me and, when he gets close, he pulls two blocks of cheese out of his bag and hands them to me."
Me: "Cheese?"
Brother: "Cheese. He hands me the cheese and says, 'In the store, you'd pay ten dollars for these, but because I like you so much, I'll give them to you for five dollars!' And he sort of shoves them into my hands. And I'm like, no, no, it's okay, really. I have cheese at home."
Me: [giggling] "Holy shit, seriously?"
Sister: "Well, he's right, you know. You would have to pay ten bucks for two big bricks of cheese in the store. You should've taken it."
Mother: [pause] "So did you buy the cheese from him?"
Brother: [indignantly] "I'm not going to buy cheese from some random guy at four o'clock in the morning, Mom!"
Me: [hysterics]
[the whole family's sitting by the outdoor hibachi fire in our parents' backyard when my sister gets up to go leave after only spending ten minutes outside]
Brother: "Don't go inside! You just got here! Don't be like Nette."
Me: "Yeah, Nette, don't be like me."
Brother: [starts laughing his head off]
Me: [as sister opens the door] "Fine, leave the family and go inside to read, Nette. I hope you enjoy your books, Nette!"
Brother: [howls with laughter]
And that's not even including all the shenanigans that happened at the cottage, which I will never be able to adequately describe. Most of our family gatherings fall under the category of 'you really had to be there'.
Conversations with my family, part II.
Brother-in-law: "My sister and I are total opposites. We just don't get along."
Sister: "It's like. she's Rimmer and he's totally Lister."
Me: "Huh. That makes sense, actually."
Sister: "I want to be Cat. Rawr, that's my shiny thing!" [swipe]
Me: "Um. that makes me Kryten, doesn't it? I'm KRYTEN OMG."
Brother-in-law: "You know, it's actually really perfect how it all worked out."
Me: [facepalm]
Some day, I will update with more than just fandom complaints and wacky family shenanigans, but so far, it's not looking likely to happen any time soon. Sorry, people.
*my brother works as a security guard at various companies, the newest one being a college. At the time of the story, he worked as a guard for a multi-million-dollar halal meat plant.
Oh, fandom, why don't you ever fucking change?
Conversations with my family, part I.
Brother: "Have you heard about the cheese incident?"
Me: "No."
Sister: "Oh, my God, you haven't heard the cheese story? Tell her!"
Brother: "Okay, so I'm on the job*. It's four a.m. and I'm outside on my smoke break when I see this homeless-looking guy run across the street towards me, shouting 'Officer! Officer!'"
Me: "Ahahaha! He thought you were a cop?"
Brother: "Pfft, that was nothing. This one time, a guy called me 'inspector'. Anyway, so he runs across the street towards me and, when he gets close, he pulls two blocks of cheese out of his bag and hands them to me."
Me: "Cheese?"
Brother: "Cheese. He hands me the cheese and says, 'In the store, you'd pay ten dollars for these, but because I like you so much, I'll give them to you for five dollars!' And he sort of shoves them into my hands. And I'm like, no, no, it's okay, really. I have cheese at home."
Me: [giggling] "Holy shit, seriously?"
Sister: "Well, he's right, you know. You would have to pay ten bucks for two big bricks of cheese in the store. You should've taken it."
Mother: [pause] "So did you buy the cheese from him?"
Brother: [indignantly] "I'm not going to buy cheese from some random guy at four o'clock in the morning, Mom!"
Me: [hysterics]
[the whole family's sitting by the outdoor hibachi fire in our parents' backyard when my sister gets up to go leave after only spending ten minutes outside]
Brother: "Don't go inside! You just got here! Don't be like Nette."
Me: "Yeah, Nette, don't be like me."
Brother: [starts laughing his head off]
Me: [as sister opens the door] "Fine, leave the family and go inside to read, Nette. I hope you enjoy your books, Nette!"
Brother: [howls with laughter]
And that's not even including all the shenanigans that happened at the cottage, which I will never be able to adequately describe. Most of our family gatherings fall under the category of 'you really had to be there'.
Conversations with my family, part II.
Brother-in-law: "My sister and I are total opposites. We just don't get along."
Sister: "It's like. she's Rimmer and he's totally Lister."
Me: "Huh. That makes sense, actually."
Sister: "I want to be Cat. Rawr, that's my shiny thing!" [swipe]
Me: "Um. that makes me Kryten, doesn't it? I'm KRYTEN OMG."
Brother-in-law: "You know, it's actually really perfect how it all worked out."
Me: [facepalm]
Some day, I will update with more than just fandom complaints and wacky family shenanigans, but so far, it's not looking likely to happen any time soon. Sorry, people.
*my brother works as a security guard at various companies, the newest one being a college. At the time of the story, he worked as a guard for a multi-million-dollar halal meat plant.