Catching Up
Location: East Weyr
Time: Lunch on Day 15, Month 7, Turn 2
Players: Roa, Essdara, Tialith
Scene: Essdara comes bearing food. Guards, islands, little red-haired babies and their larger, angrier red-haired fathers are discussed.
East Weyr
This weyr has a tidy, friendly air about it. This is due in no small part to the walls having been washed in a pale but warm yellow. A slightly worn rug of dark greens and blues is spread out on the floor, the colors just a bit too dark to truly blend with the shade of the walls. The space lacks the sitting area of the larger weyrs that flank it but still boasts a desk with accompanying scroll-heavy shelves and a large, comfortable bed. Covering the sheets is a full-sized rabbit fur blanket, at its center the image of a gold dragon in flight, small dark-haired rider perched atop her. The entrance doorway is flanked by a pair of wardrobes meant for the storage of clothing and riding gear.
Opposite the doorway is an archway that leads out onto the ledge reserved for the dragon half of the occupant pair. It's large enough for a gold and a similarly sized friend, with room left over for a padded couch. Beyond the ledge is the open air of the northern bowl.
It's lunchtime, but there is no food in sight in the East Weyr, nor is there any aroma that might suggest a meal recently eaten. The weyr is, for the most part, unchanged save for its occupants. Tialith, as equally small as the former queen in residence but far longer, leaner and less intricately colored, is draped across her couch in the summer sun, eyes half-lidded. It seems she is enjoying the luxury of her own space. Inside, the walls remain yellow and a faint smell of perfume still permeates the air. But the rug is different, the furs on the bed have changed and there is, perhaps, something happening that hasn't happened in this weyr in quiet some time: studying. The little weyrwoman is seated at the desk, legs tucked up underneath her, bent over a series of hides which she reads intently, occasionally flipping back and forth through several.
And into the serenity arrives Essdara, and while there may not have been the aroma of food before there is no denying she brings one with her. A bright smile is offered to Tialith as she approaches, and a small curtsey of greeting as she stops at the ledge. A glance at the large dragon, and then at the archway to the inner weyr, and she calls out to the occupant even as she addresses the dragon. "Is Roa in, and if so, would she mind a companion for lunch?" An amused smile plays at her lips as she waits to see from where reply will come.
Round jeweled eyes that were half-closed slowly open by inches until their swirling blues and greens observe Essdara, her own image reflected back at her many times over in the glowing facets. For the curtsey, the kitchen worker is awarded a soft *chuff* of air from the silver-touched muzzle that blows against clothes and hair. Tolerant and bemused, but perhaps a little mocking as well. The rider's dislike for formality is perhaps inspired by her lifemate. The words spoken are greeted in turn with a slight lift of Tialith's head and a wide and white-toothed yawn, before her attention turns, slowly and pointedly, towards the inner weyr. From inside, the sound of rustling hides stops abruptly. "So long as that companion brought lunch with her, she would be greatly welcome."
Essdara grins to the dragon, and carries the tray past her an into the inner weyr. "Have you ever known me to visit without food, Roa?" She inquires amusedly. She carries the tray towards the desk, stopping near Roa until she's sure of a safe landing spot. On the tray is a tasty, if simple, meal of fresh bread, sliced roast herdbeast and wherry, and sampling of greens. Also, some still-warm bubbly pies are there, waiting for dessert. "And how are you today, Roa? Keeping well, I hope? Intense night, though, I have to admit I found sleep elusive..."
Hides are quickly gathered into a pile and set in the corner of the desk to make room for the tray. Roa reaches out as if to take it, but then stops, hesitating and looking quickly around the little weyr. She's sitting on the only chair. So the little weyrwoman pushes up from it to accept the tray and walk it over to the center of the rug. Carefully, she lowers herself into a cross-legged sit, setting the meal down before her. One hand lifts and gestures for Dara to sit across from her. "Last night," she muses as the food is eyed hungrily, "was more intense than you know. Today I am...well, I think." Quiet consideration and then a slow nod. "And you, Dara?"
Essdara follows her to the rug and settles down. "Was it? Don't suppose you'd care to elaborate on what else was happening, while I was busy helping Vanya with E'sere?" Curiosity practically oozes from her. The question she is asked, though, is given due consideration as she takes a plate from the edge of the tray and sets about putting a bit of each thing on it, using the sliced meat and bread to make a sandwich before offering it to Roa. "I'm as well as can be expected, I guess. A lot better than I was for a while, but I admit I'm still very sad about what happened. It's been an unpleasant turn so far, and I can only hope that at some point things will settle down so we can all relax a bit."
The plate is accepted with a soft 'thank you' and set down in front of Roa. She glances down to the tray, then up and over at Essdara, and then down to the tray. And waits. Not eating, it seems, until the cook selects something for herself. "You'll know soon," she promises, "and we'll talk again then. But..." the weyrwoman shakes her head a little, her expression apologetic. "I'm sorry. Not just yet." Roa's eyes again lower to the plate. "I don't even know what to say about what happened. I can't think of any words that wouldn't fall flat, wouldn't mean too little. The whole turn...for the most part, I hate it too."
Essdara offers a thin smile. "Nothing to be sorry for, Roa. I know my place in the weyr, and I'm hardly top of any lists for confiding in. As you say, whatever it is, I am sure I'll hear about it soon enough. And hopefully it won't be more news that makes the turn unbearable." Her hands work as she speaks, making a mirror image of Roa's plate for herself, which she then sets in her lap. "Though honestly, after a good friend and someone I cared much for was killed, it kind of makes it hard to get any worse than that. Studies going well, I hope moving hasn't interfered with them too much? I really was glad to hear you accepted a home here, you know. We need someone like you."
"I'm a little more distracted in classes than I once was," Roa admits softly. The makeshift sandwich is lifted and bitten into. A healthy, sizable, etiquette-teacher-would-gasp bite (but really, the etiquette teacher would have needed smelling salts as soon as Roa decided to sit on the floor). She chews and swallows before speaking again. "I knew Yevide, though I cannot say I knew her well. But I believe that despite any of her other faults, she was kind. She is missed." The sandwich is turned slowly in the little weyrwoman's fingertips. "I'm glad to be here, Dara. A bit terrified, perhaps, but glad none the less."
Essdara nods softly. "I can see how it would be distracting, really, and I admit I wouldn't want to be a goldrider here right about now, let alone a foreign one." Greens are poked at and a small bite taken. "I was close to her. To Yevide. I hadn't seen much of her those last couple months... There'd been threats made, as you know, and so I was warned away. I regret listening to that, now. It didn't do anything but let her die a little bit more alone than she already was..." A glance down. "She deserved better than we gave her, Roa, and I hope with all my heart you get a warmer reception."
"She did," Roa agrees yet again, "though I cannot say I approved of the way in which she arrived. But...I hope things will go differently now. People are welcome to think what they will of me. I doubt all of it will be kind. But, there's a difference between ill will and murderous intent."
Essdara nods quietly and leaves it at that, letting a moment pass as she takes a bite from the food in her lap. "Immath rose the other day." She says, unrelatedly. "It was quite a flight, everything you'd expect from Tavaly. I was with her when Immath started... I don't think Tava had any idea it was coming. She was... Very intense, even for her. It was cute." A little smile emerges as she recalls it. "I'm glad Uneth won, though. I think those two need not to have all that stress if someone else did."
Up lift the corners of Roa's lips into a tiny smile. "So Tialith informed me. She notes, by the by, that Immath's display wasn't as impressive as the others are saying. She could do better." Her eyes roll, the smile becoming a smirk at the thought of a gold, even a small slender one, presuming to out-corner a green. "I'm glad Uneth caught, although I don't know that he'll manage every single time. They're going to need to get past that." Brows draw down as Roa studies her plate before taking another couple bites of sandwich.
Essdara nods. "They will get past it... But not this time. They'll be ready for it when it happens, I'm sure." She looks out towards the ledge, with a small grin. "Tell her that she should be sure to prove that soon. And that, as I've promised R'vain I'll keep trying, I would very much like it to be one of her eggs that hatches anyone I might be destined to spend my life with." She looks back to Roa. "Though I am sure you aren't quite so eager for that proof as some of us are."
As Essdara looks out towards the queen, Roa turns her head to study her as well, reclining on her couch. It's the cook's mention of Standing again that calls her attention back, brows lifted. "Have you? I'm...I'm glad of it, Dara. And I'll pass your request along." There is a short sigh and her next words are spoken very softly. "She's two and a half turns...it should have happened by now." A small, sharp swallow. "I suppose I'm worried over nothing."
Essdara looks back to Roa, and the smile she offers attempts to be reassuring. "Should have? Maybe. It will happen when it's meant to. You've had a rough turn all around, what with the attacks on you, and Caucus, and now moving and having a goldrider killed... I think that's more than enough that perhaps she's just letting you build up your strength for it. Or, maybe she was just waiting for the right sands to accept the gift she has to give." A small nod to the other. "And yeah. For her, as much as anything... One of the last things she asked of me was to Stand. I don't think she'd want me to stop until I'm either too old, or claimed. I can't say, yet, that it's something I want.... But I will do it, Roa."
"I...yes...I suppose," Roa agrees softly after Dara offers the many reasons that Tialith hasn't risen yet. She seems, really, all too happy to believe them for now. "I suppose you've heard this dozens of times, but should it happen...you'll want it." The sandwich is set down and her fingers dust themselves free of crumbs as she peers over at her lunchtime companion. "If there's anything you'd like to know about it...about any of it...you can ask me. Now or later. I promise I'll tell you straight, anything you'd like to know."
Essdara nods softly. "Thank you, Roa." She's quiet a moment. "I think, growing up as I did, and where I did, that I know as much about it as any non-rider can. And honestly, I would be lying if I said there wasn't part of me that didn't dream even now of finding that bond, that unconditional love. But I'd make a lousy rider, Roa. You know that. A rider has no time to be terrified of Fall. And I never won't be."
"And did you think, for a second, I ever expected or wanted to impress a queen? Shells..." Roa shakes her head slowly, "You should have seen me at Telgar. If you thought I was bad when I came here...shells. I have no idea why she did it. There were so many reasons why she never should have. But..." shoulders lift and fall again, "we fill the shoes we're given. If you impress a fighting dragon, you must simply believe that the hatchling found some truth that even you're not aware was there."
Essdara nods. "The dragons know." She says, easily enough. "And Tialith chose perfectly, Roa. There are days now where I almost don't recognise you as the shy woman hiding in my kitchen and helping me peel tubers. You have so much more confidence now... It amazes me to see, and I admit makes me a bit jealous at times. 'Cause you become more a goldrider all the time, and that means there'll come a point where it's harder to talk to you."
"No," said goldrider shakes her head. "I won't. I don't ever want to be hard for you to talk to. That's not the sort of rider or the sort of person I have any interest in becoming and I don't..." Roa's lips press together, "My closest friends are a cook, a guard, and a greenrider and I *like* it that way."
Essdara nods, though there's a lack of conviction to it. "I know, Roa. And there's not a one of us who doesn't think the world of you. You're about the best friend I've had the luck to have, and I'll not willingly give that up." A grin. "At least not until you give in and tell me to leave cause I am bugging you. Until that day, well... You'll find me cropping up when you least expect it to make sure you are eating right and looking out for yourself."
Roa looks out and over again, for a moment, at the gold dragon that started it all, before returning her attention to Essdara and their discussion. "I'm glad," she murmurs. There is a lull in the conversation for a little bit, and then Roa somewhat suddenly adds, "Could I ask a funny sort of question?"
"More funny than asking a question to see if you can, in fact, ask a question?" Dara replies, an easy tease. More seriously, though, she looks over at Roa with a small smile. "You can ask me anything, Roa, and I promise I will give you the best answer I can. Now and always, that much I promise to you."
A deep breath and then Roa plunges in. "R'vain." Ah. Yes. That name. "Are you still...meeting with him?"
Essdara doesn't look entirely surprised by the question. "A few hours each night, Roa. It's good for me, and it's good for him. He... I wouldn't be as together as I am right now without him, I know that much. He helped a lot with everything that's happened the last few weeks. And he never judges me, never holds my mistakes against me..."
Roa nods slowly. "I'm glad, then, that you have that comfort despite me earlier protestations. I was actually just wondering...lately..." another small sigh, "...how does he seem?"
Essdara considers Roa quietly for a short while. "He misses her very much." She says, carefully. "And that weighs on him very deeply. It will be a very good day when that changes and everyone is back where they belong, and with the people they care for. Other than that, he is... Well, he's R'vain. A odd mix of prickly and sweet, and never boring to be around."
"Never boring," Roa murmurs faintly, shaking her head. "That's true enough." The rest of the words are absorbed with downcast eyes and a faintly clenched jaw. "He's very angry with me," she notes. "I can't say as I truly understand why. In a way, I suppose I'm a bit relieved. But..." But. Nothing more is added.
"He is." Dara agrees quietly. "I don't pretend to know the whole situation, and so I am not going to judge, or get involved. But that doesn't mean I approve, either, Roa. I love you dearly, but I don't see any way that what happened wouldn't hurt him deeply. Not to mention make him feel helpless and powerless. And he's not a man who should ever have to feel either of those things, Roa."
Roa's legs have shifted, going from that cross-legged posture to drawn up against her chest so she can wrap her arms around them and settle her chin on her knees. "Yes he should," she says softly. "It was never my intent to make him feel such things, but yes he should. He uses his power, and sometimes foolishly. Let him have a taste of the other side for once." She stares at her shoes a moment. "I suppose that sounds cruel, considering what he's been through. Dara, you said you don't know the whole situation. If I may ask...what bits of it *do* you know?"
Essdara is quiet a moment, considering. "Roa, I'm not sure if I can answer that. He trusts me, and he talks to me, and I don't think he does that with many. I am very wary of breaking that trust, of losing that and losing him. I don't think I could handle that right now, to go back to being lonely all the time." She looks down. "And it's not that I don't trust you. There's few I've ever trusted so much. But it's an awkward place to be in, when your best friend and your bedmate are at odds. I just want everything to be ok, and to be resolved. For all of us."
Roa's lips quirk and her chin moves. A sort of modified nod, the gesture happening without her head lifting from her knees. "All right," she agrees gently. "Just forget I asked, then." Her fingers pick up the habit she had been breaking, curling up into the folds of her skirt and squeezing once.
Essdara looks up, with a small frown. "Not sure I like that option." She admits. "I want to understand it. I need to. It's just... It's hard, because I feel some like I am breaking a trust. And you know me on that front." A soft sigh. "I know he gave her to you to take away. And I know where you took her. I know... Some little bit of the /why/, but not enough. Just that you both felt she was in danger... But not from who."
There's a wince. It comes when Dara mentions the 'where', but instead of directly answering to any of it, Roa asks, "And which of those things have made him angry at me?"
Essdara shakes her head. "Your turn, Roa." She says, softly. "I've given you some, you give me back more than questions. I don't know yet if I will, or can, answer that one anyway. It goes back to what you said before, that he should feel helpless and powerless."
Roa's eyes lift, now, from toes to cook and settle there. "What is it you'd like to know, Dara? Specifically?"
Essdara meets the gaze, uncertainty mixed with curiosity in her own. Lunch sits in her lap, long-forgotten and barely touched. "Who?" Is her question. "And why? She's only a baby, who would ever hurt her, and why would anyone want to do so? Just to hurt R'vain? Why would someone want to do that? He's not someone of rank or influence... So why?"
Essdara is regarded thoughtfully for a long moment before Roa speaks. "You cannot tell him this," she murmurs. "Please Dara, you cannot. I don't know if I'm even correct, and I cannot say I know why for certain. But...I have my thoughts. And I don't think she was hurt because of R'vain. I think...do you remember when I was injured in the baths?"
Essdara smiles, just a little. "I think we can both agree that, in general, what we say to each other stays there. Especially this conversation." She nods a bit, and there's the slightest of smirks with her next words. "When you fell. Yeah, I remember it." She tilts her head. "If not R'vain, then who?"
"I didn't fall," Roa whispers. "I was tripped, tied up, interrogated, drugged and pushed into the baths. Which is, as I understand it, how I was found when Tialith called for help. It was the first in a number of attacks and many of them center around a vendetta against the Captain." there is a moment before Roa clarifies, "Tavaly's brother."
"Jensen." Dara says softly. "I... Know him. Though not so much, the last turn. And I knew you'd not fallen, though not the details. But why Riann, then? You... Well, Tava mentioned you two were close. Very. Not a bad choice, really." She's talking in a distracted tone, clearly processing and thinking more than focusing on her words. Finally she focuses on Roa again. "Why Riann? I didn't think he and R'vain were at all close."
Up goes a single eyebrow. "Everyone seems to think that about Jensen and me," Roa murmurs. "It was never like that. We were never...we were friends. Are. And Jensen...when he was a guard at High Reaches Hold, he was assigned to the Lady Sian. She knew him, and trusted him, apparently. After Riann was born, she asked something ridiculous of him. That the Captain agree to protect Riann at all costs. That would mean remaining where she was. That would mean, possibly, standing up against the Hold he'd made an oath to when he went into service. She was asking him to become a traitor, for the sake of her daughter's safety." Eyes close and Roa slowly shakes her head. "And Jen being Jen...he agreed, of course."
Essdara shrugs softly. "I never figured it was more than making sure if Tialith rose, you were ready." Dara admits. "I'm sorry if I misunderstood. And... I can very much see him making that oath." She sighs softly. "So, of course, he cares about her, and as such, she is a target. But... Even someone insane enough to hurt the people around him, surely wouldn't hurt a child, a babe. There are limits to what people will do.... Aren't there? Was something tried, or some threat made?"
"Oh," another one of Roa's slow blinks. "No, I suppose you haven't misunderstood then. But, it was just the once, and I don't particularly consider that it counts, save for when Tialith goes. And as you likely already know, it's not something that ought to be repeated. Some folks mightn't..." and then Roa stops and her eyes widen ever so slightly. "mightn't....oh. Oh. Shells. Oh..." And her head lowers to her knees with a soft, miserable groan.
Essdara blinks, nonplussed. "Roa?" She sets her plate aside and scootches around the tray to lay a hand on the woman's back, lightly rubbing alone her spine. "Don't think it's that big a deal. Shards, certainly not to me, not with my history. And I've snuck into enough weyrling classes, talked to enough greenriders, to know that's just good sense. And like I said... A good choice. Nothing wrong with anything there, I promise you, and not a person who rides a dragon ever gonna think twice about it to begin with." A quiet a moment of light patting. "Or is it something else? I'm here, talk to me, whatever it is we'll work it out, I promise."
"No, I..." the words, pressed into Roa's knees, are muffled, "I think I made a mistake that I just realized I made. I lied to someone and..." another small groan. "I didn't mean to, I didn't, but I have. It's going to be awful." And, suddenly, that girl who creeps into the kitchens to peel tubers isn't so far away, after all. But after a few slow breaths, the weyrwoman lifts her head again. "It's all right. It's only that I'm a very big idiot and I've made a very large mess that I don't wish to talk about at present." She allows herself a final, "Oh Shells," and a last swallow before moving on. "Riann," she says, returning to the other topic. "When Sian was found, Riann had...she was covered with a pillow. Completely. Whoever murdered the Lady intended to kill Riann as well. Or perhaps..." brows draw down. "Perhaps it was the other way around," her voice has become hushed. "Perhaps it was Riann all along that was meant as a target. But if Sian arrived unexpectedly then...and it got out of hand and...and that would explain why she was there at all instead of long gone. Faranth."
Essdara frowns, ever so slightly, at the focus back on the main topic, and adds simply, "You can always talk to me, Roa. My confidence is absolute, and a mess shared is a lot easier to bear and to clean up." But, as the weyrwoman has reemerged, Dara quietly retracts her hand and moves a bit away to look at her. "I didn't know that." She says, softly. "All this was before R'vain and I were close, and I admit I didn't pay very close attention to what was said when it happened. But... Surely she could have been protected here. Knowing she was a target, someone could have been found to watch her. Shells, I'd've done it in a heartbeat. Why did she have to go so far away, and to somewhere that, really, there's a good chance she won't return from any time soon? To somewhere he can't, even with Ruvoth, go and see her, visit her, be with her. I know you both speak highly of who she is with, but it's not the same as growing up around family. Shards, Roa.. I barely knew my own parents, and I lived here with them. Mother is more an acquaintance than anything. He should be more for her than that, more for her than just a name and a story." She sighs and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, it's wrong of me to say this. You know better than I what needs doing. It just seems very extreme, like baking a three-tiered cake for someone who just wanted something sweet to nibble on."
"You may have missed this," Roa begins dryly, "but there are a whole lot of folks that were getting...are getting hurt. Despite guards. Most of which, if I may remind you, were in the process of getting recalled at the time. He had nowhere to send her. I had nowhere but there. Someone had been asking about Riann in the kitchens that morning...I hadn't slept in a full seven, offering at all was idiotic. But. *He* accepted the offer, and I wouldn't have done it else." She breathes out slowly. "She's not gone forever. She won't be gone long at all, I get my say. Nobody will. It was the only place they couldn't be touched, any of them. But they're going to come back." A soft and solemn vow. "If you've ever believed me about anything, believe that."
Essdara asks, quietly. "They? Who else is there with her, Roa? I do believe you mean that, I just hope that you aren't wrong. I don't know how you even did it to begin with... I didn't think there was any contact between us and them." Mainlanders and exiles. "And yeah, he accepted, but he regrets it bitterly, Roa. And as long as she is gone, he'll not forgive himself. You said before it's good for him to feel powerless, helpless... Not like this, Roa. Not with this. No one should have to feel that way about their children. Well, not until they are much older and doing things on their own that their parents won't approve of. But." She sighs. "It was, as you say, the option that was taken, and all we can do now is recover. And hopefully soon, whoever it is causing this chaos, making my home nearly unlivable, will be found out and brought to task for it." A too-sweet smile. "And I admit I wouldn't mind a chance to help there."
"No," the word is flat, clear and certain. "Not in this, I'm sorry. And I can't talk anymore about it." Slowly, Roa uncurls, and slowly she picks at the greens on her plate, nibbling a few. "You're still the best cook here," Roa murmurs.
Essdara nods a little, not looking at all disappointed, or surprised. "I wouldn't say best. But still good, even if I don't have the energy for it that I used to. These days, I'm happy just to get up in the morning." She looks down at the tray, lapsing quiet for a few moments. "I almost left, you know. Almost gave up on it all and left, after Yevide. Aelan argued me out of it. She's a good one, there. She deserves the future she's struggling for."
Roa tips her head to the side, "Aelan...she....I met her once, I think. I'm glad she had you stay. I'm sorry I wasn't around to talk to. My head wasn't..." so much sane.
Essdara smiles a bit at her, understanding. "We all have our burdens to carry, Roa. And all too often, we choose to carry them alone." She stands, slowly. "I think it's best I go now. You've studying to catch up on, and I've things to do as well. I hope we get the chance to talk again soon, Roa." Her smile fades. "And I will remember that promise. It is an important one, and I look forward to it's fulfillment."
Roa draws her legs up under her again and stands in a single fluid movement without, even, the assistance of her hands. "As do I." And again, that soft and serious note. Then the somber expression is gone behind a gentle smile. "Thank you for visiting and for lunch. I'm sure we'll have reason to speak again soon."
Essdara nods a little, a brief flicker of something unreadable crossing her expression. "I'm sure we will, Roa." she says, as she leans down to pick up the tray. "What that reason will be... Well, we'll see. Someday, one of us is bound to actually be happy and want to talk about it." She straightens. "If you need anything of the kitchens, you know where I'll be. I'm always there for you."
A small laugh. Flat. Mirthless. "Someday," Roa agrees. And then, more quietly, "You know where I can be found as well. Let's neither of us forget where to locate the other." Her hand reaches out to gently squeeze the other woman's upper arm before she turns away and back to her desk to begin inspecting the hides there anew. Outside on the ledge, Tialith, so recently relaxed and dozing, sits upright, alert, eyes now whirling green tinged with the slightest hint of yellow.
Essdara offers a small smile to Roa at the touch, and then is gone out the door. A polite, apologetic smile to the now-alert dragon - the easy litmus test of rider feelings - and she is away across the bowl, and back to her work.
Time: Lunch on Day 15, Month 7, Turn 2
Players: Roa, Essdara, Tialith
Scene: Essdara comes bearing food. Guards, islands, little red-haired babies and their larger, angrier red-haired fathers are discussed.
East Weyr
This weyr has a tidy, friendly air about it. This is due in no small part to the walls having been washed in a pale but warm yellow. A slightly worn rug of dark greens and blues is spread out on the floor, the colors just a bit too dark to truly blend with the shade of the walls. The space lacks the sitting area of the larger weyrs that flank it but still boasts a desk with accompanying scroll-heavy shelves and a large, comfortable bed. Covering the sheets is a full-sized rabbit fur blanket, at its center the image of a gold dragon in flight, small dark-haired rider perched atop her. The entrance doorway is flanked by a pair of wardrobes meant for the storage of clothing and riding gear.
Opposite the doorway is an archway that leads out onto the ledge reserved for the dragon half of the occupant pair. It's large enough for a gold and a similarly sized friend, with room left over for a padded couch. Beyond the ledge is the open air of the northern bowl.
It's lunchtime, but there is no food in sight in the East Weyr, nor is there any aroma that might suggest a meal recently eaten. The weyr is, for the most part, unchanged save for its occupants. Tialith, as equally small as the former queen in residence but far longer, leaner and less intricately colored, is draped across her couch in the summer sun, eyes half-lidded. It seems she is enjoying the luxury of her own space. Inside, the walls remain yellow and a faint smell of perfume still permeates the air. But the rug is different, the furs on the bed have changed and there is, perhaps, something happening that hasn't happened in this weyr in quiet some time: studying. The little weyrwoman is seated at the desk, legs tucked up underneath her, bent over a series of hides which she reads intently, occasionally flipping back and forth through several.
And into the serenity arrives Essdara, and while there may not have been the aroma of food before there is no denying she brings one with her. A bright smile is offered to Tialith as she approaches, and a small curtsey of greeting as she stops at the ledge. A glance at the large dragon, and then at the archway to the inner weyr, and she calls out to the occupant even as she addresses the dragon. "Is Roa in, and if so, would she mind a companion for lunch?" An amused smile plays at her lips as she waits to see from where reply will come.
Round jeweled eyes that were half-closed slowly open by inches until their swirling blues and greens observe Essdara, her own image reflected back at her many times over in the glowing facets. For the curtsey, the kitchen worker is awarded a soft *chuff* of air from the silver-touched muzzle that blows against clothes and hair. Tolerant and bemused, but perhaps a little mocking as well. The rider's dislike for formality is perhaps inspired by her lifemate. The words spoken are greeted in turn with a slight lift of Tialith's head and a wide and white-toothed yawn, before her attention turns, slowly and pointedly, towards the inner weyr. From inside, the sound of rustling hides stops abruptly. "So long as that companion brought lunch with her, she would be greatly welcome."
Essdara grins to the dragon, and carries the tray past her an into the inner weyr. "Have you ever known me to visit without food, Roa?" She inquires amusedly. She carries the tray towards the desk, stopping near Roa until she's sure of a safe landing spot. On the tray is a tasty, if simple, meal of fresh bread, sliced roast herdbeast and wherry, and sampling of greens. Also, some still-warm bubbly pies are there, waiting for dessert. "And how are you today, Roa? Keeping well, I hope? Intense night, though, I have to admit I found sleep elusive..."
Hides are quickly gathered into a pile and set in the corner of the desk to make room for the tray. Roa reaches out as if to take it, but then stops, hesitating and looking quickly around the little weyr. She's sitting on the only chair. So the little weyrwoman pushes up from it to accept the tray and walk it over to the center of the rug. Carefully, she lowers herself into a cross-legged sit, setting the meal down before her. One hand lifts and gestures for Dara to sit across from her. "Last night," she muses as the food is eyed hungrily, "was more intense than you know. Today I am...well, I think." Quiet consideration and then a slow nod. "And you, Dara?"
Essdara follows her to the rug and settles down. "Was it? Don't suppose you'd care to elaborate on what else was happening, while I was busy helping Vanya with E'sere?" Curiosity practically oozes from her. The question she is asked, though, is given due consideration as she takes a plate from the edge of the tray and sets about putting a bit of each thing on it, using the sliced meat and bread to make a sandwich before offering it to Roa. "I'm as well as can be expected, I guess. A lot better than I was for a while, but I admit I'm still very sad about what happened. It's been an unpleasant turn so far, and I can only hope that at some point things will settle down so we can all relax a bit."
The plate is accepted with a soft 'thank you' and set down in front of Roa. She glances down to the tray, then up and over at Essdara, and then down to the tray. And waits. Not eating, it seems, until the cook selects something for herself. "You'll know soon," she promises, "and we'll talk again then. But..." the weyrwoman shakes her head a little, her expression apologetic. "I'm sorry. Not just yet." Roa's eyes again lower to the plate. "I don't even know what to say about what happened. I can't think of any words that wouldn't fall flat, wouldn't mean too little. The whole turn...for the most part, I hate it too."
Essdara offers a thin smile. "Nothing to be sorry for, Roa. I know my place in the weyr, and I'm hardly top of any lists for confiding in. As you say, whatever it is, I am sure I'll hear about it soon enough. And hopefully it won't be more news that makes the turn unbearable." Her hands work as she speaks, making a mirror image of Roa's plate for herself, which she then sets in her lap. "Though honestly, after a good friend and someone I cared much for was killed, it kind of makes it hard to get any worse than that. Studies going well, I hope moving hasn't interfered with them too much? I really was glad to hear you accepted a home here, you know. We need someone like you."
"I'm a little more distracted in classes than I once was," Roa admits softly. The makeshift sandwich is lifted and bitten into. A healthy, sizable, etiquette-teacher-would-gasp bite (but really, the etiquette teacher would have needed smelling salts as soon as Roa decided to sit on the floor). She chews and swallows before speaking again. "I knew Yevide, though I cannot say I knew her well. But I believe that despite any of her other faults, she was kind. She is missed." The sandwich is turned slowly in the little weyrwoman's fingertips. "I'm glad to be here, Dara. A bit terrified, perhaps, but glad none the less."
Essdara nods softly. "I can see how it would be distracting, really, and I admit I wouldn't want to be a goldrider here right about now, let alone a foreign one." Greens are poked at and a small bite taken. "I was close to her. To Yevide. I hadn't seen much of her those last couple months... There'd been threats made, as you know, and so I was warned away. I regret listening to that, now. It didn't do anything but let her die a little bit more alone than she already was..." A glance down. "She deserved better than we gave her, Roa, and I hope with all my heart you get a warmer reception."
"She did," Roa agrees yet again, "though I cannot say I approved of the way in which she arrived. But...I hope things will go differently now. People are welcome to think what they will of me. I doubt all of it will be kind. But, there's a difference between ill will and murderous intent."
Essdara nods quietly and leaves it at that, letting a moment pass as she takes a bite from the food in her lap. "Immath rose the other day." She says, unrelatedly. "It was quite a flight, everything you'd expect from Tavaly. I was with her when Immath started... I don't think Tava had any idea it was coming. She was... Very intense, even for her. It was cute." A little smile emerges as she recalls it. "I'm glad Uneth won, though. I think those two need not to have all that stress if someone else did."
Up lift the corners of Roa's lips into a tiny smile. "So Tialith informed me. She notes, by the by, that Immath's display wasn't as impressive as the others are saying. She could do better." Her eyes roll, the smile becoming a smirk at the thought of a gold, even a small slender one, presuming to out-corner a green. "I'm glad Uneth caught, although I don't know that he'll manage every single time. They're going to need to get past that." Brows draw down as Roa studies her plate before taking another couple bites of sandwich.
Essdara nods. "They will get past it... But not this time. They'll be ready for it when it happens, I'm sure." She looks out towards the ledge, with a small grin. "Tell her that she should be sure to prove that soon. And that, as I've promised R'vain I'll keep trying, I would very much like it to be one of her eggs that hatches anyone I might be destined to spend my life with." She looks back to Roa. "Though I am sure you aren't quite so eager for that proof as some of us are."
As Essdara looks out towards the queen, Roa turns her head to study her as well, reclining on her couch. It's the cook's mention of Standing again that calls her attention back, brows lifted. "Have you? I'm...I'm glad of it, Dara. And I'll pass your request along." There is a short sigh and her next words are spoken very softly. "She's two and a half turns...it should have happened by now." A small, sharp swallow. "I suppose I'm worried over nothing."
Essdara looks back to Roa, and the smile she offers attempts to be reassuring. "Should have? Maybe. It will happen when it's meant to. You've had a rough turn all around, what with the attacks on you, and Caucus, and now moving and having a goldrider killed... I think that's more than enough that perhaps she's just letting you build up your strength for it. Or, maybe she was just waiting for the right sands to accept the gift she has to give." A small nod to the other. "And yeah. For her, as much as anything... One of the last things she asked of me was to Stand. I don't think she'd want me to stop until I'm either too old, or claimed. I can't say, yet, that it's something I want.... But I will do it, Roa."
"I...yes...I suppose," Roa agrees softly after Dara offers the many reasons that Tialith hasn't risen yet. She seems, really, all too happy to believe them for now. "I suppose you've heard this dozens of times, but should it happen...you'll want it." The sandwich is set down and her fingers dust themselves free of crumbs as she peers over at her lunchtime companion. "If there's anything you'd like to know about it...about any of it...you can ask me. Now or later. I promise I'll tell you straight, anything you'd like to know."
Essdara nods softly. "Thank you, Roa." She's quiet a moment. "I think, growing up as I did, and where I did, that I know as much about it as any non-rider can. And honestly, I would be lying if I said there wasn't part of me that didn't dream even now of finding that bond, that unconditional love. But I'd make a lousy rider, Roa. You know that. A rider has no time to be terrified of Fall. And I never won't be."
"And did you think, for a second, I ever expected or wanted to impress a queen? Shells..." Roa shakes her head slowly, "You should have seen me at Telgar. If you thought I was bad when I came here...shells. I have no idea why she did it. There were so many reasons why she never should have. But..." shoulders lift and fall again, "we fill the shoes we're given. If you impress a fighting dragon, you must simply believe that the hatchling found some truth that even you're not aware was there."
Essdara nods. "The dragons know." She says, easily enough. "And Tialith chose perfectly, Roa. There are days now where I almost don't recognise you as the shy woman hiding in my kitchen and helping me peel tubers. You have so much more confidence now... It amazes me to see, and I admit makes me a bit jealous at times. 'Cause you become more a goldrider all the time, and that means there'll come a point where it's harder to talk to you."
"No," said goldrider shakes her head. "I won't. I don't ever want to be hard for you to talk to. That's not the sort of rider or the sort of person I have any interest in becoming and I don't..." Roa's lips press together, "My closest friends are a cook, a guard, and a greenrider and I *like* it that way."
Essdara nods, though there's a lack of conviction to it. "I know, Roa. And there's not a one of us who doesn't think the world of you. You're about the best friend I've had the luck to have, and I'll not willingly give that up." A grin. "At least not until you give in and tell me to leave cause I am bugging you. Until that day, well... You'll find me cropping up when you least expect it to make sure you are eating right and looking out for yourself."
Roa looks out and over again, for a moment, at the gold dragon that started it all, before returning her attention to Essdara and their discussion. "I'm glad," she murmurs. There is a lull in the conversation for a little bit, and then Roa somewhat suddenly adds, "Could I ask a funny sort of question?"
"More funny than asking a question to see if you can, in fact, ask a question?" Dara replies, an easy tease. More seriously, though, she looks over at Roa with a small smile. "You can ask me anything, Roa, and I promise I will give you the best answer I can. Now and always, that much I promise to you."
A deep breath and then Roa plunges in. "R'vain." Ah. Yes. That name. "Are you still...meeting with him?"
Essdara doesn't look entirely surprised by the question. "A few hours each night, Roa. It's good for me, and it's good for him. He... I wouldn't be as together as I am right now without him, I know that much. He helped a lot with everything that's happened the last few weeks. And he never judges me, never holds my mistakes against me..."
Roa nods slowly. "I'm glad, then, that you have that comfort despite me earlier protestations. I was actually just wondering...lately..." another small sigh, "...how does he seem?"
Essdara considers Roa quietly for a short while. "He misses her very much." She says, carefully. "And that weighs on him very deeply. It will be a very good day when that changes and everyone is back where they belong, and with the people they care for. Other than that, he is... Well, he's R'vain. A odd mix of prickly and sweet, and never boring to be around."
"Never boring," Roa murmurs faintly, shaking her head. "That's true enough." The rest of the words are absorbed with downcast eyes and a faintly clenched jaw. "He's very angry with me," she notes. "I can't say as I truly understand why. In a way, I suppose I'm a bit relieved. But..." But. Nothing more is added.
"He is." Dara agrees quietly. "I don't pretend to know the whole situation, and so I am not going to judge, or get involved. But that doesn't mean I approve, either, Roa. I love you dearly, but I don't see any way that what happened wouldn't hurt him deeply. Not to mention make him feel helpless and powerless. And he's not a man who should ever have to feel either of those things, Roa."
Roa's legs have shifted, going from that cross-legged posture to drawn up against her chest so she can wrap her arms around them and settle her chin on her knees. "Yes he should," she says softly. "It was never my intent to make him feel such things, but yes he should. He uses his power, and sometimes foolishly. Let him have a taste of the other side for once." She stares at her shoes a moment. "I suppose that sounds cruel, considering what he's been through. Dara, you said you don't know the whole situation. If I may ask...what bits of it *do* you know?"
Essdara is quiet a moment, considering. "Roa, I'm not sure if I can answer that. He trusts me, and he talks to me, and I don't think he does that with many. I am very wary of breaking that trust, of losing that and losing him. I don't think I could handle that right now, to go back to being lonely all the time." She looks down. "And it's not that I don't trust you. There's few I've ever trusted so much. But it's an awkward place to be in, when your best friend and your bedmate are at odds. I just want everything to be ok, and to be resolved. For all of us."
Roa's lips quirk and her chin moves. A sort of modified nod, the gesture happening without her head lifting from her knees. "All right," she agrees gently. "Just forget I asked, then." Her fingers pick up the habit she had been breaking, curling up into the folds of her skirt and squeezing once.
Essdara looks up, with a small frown. "Not sure I like that option." She admits. "I want to understand it. I need to. It's just... It's hard, because I feel some like I am breaking a trust. And you know me on that front." A soft sigh. "I know he gave her to you to take away. And I know where you took her. I know... Some little bit of the /why/, but not enough. Just that you both felt she was in danger... But not from who."
There's a wince. It comes when Dara mentions the 'where', but instead of directly answering to any of it, Roa asks, "And which of those things have made him angry at me?"
Essdara shakes her head. "Your turn, Roa." She says, softly. "I've given you some, you give me back more than questions. I don't know yet if I will, or can, answer that one anyway. It goes back to what you said before, that he should feel helpless and powerless."
Roa's eyes lift, now, from toes to cook and settle there. "What is it you'd like to know, Dara? Specifically?"
Essdara meets the gaze, uncertainty mixed with curiosity in her own. Lunch sits in her lap, long-forgotten and barely touched. "Who?" Is her question. "And why? She's only a baby, who would ever hurt her, and why would anyone want to do so? Just to hurt R'vain? Why would someone want to do that? He's not someone of rank or influence... So why?"
Essdara is regarded thoughtfully for a long moment before Roa speaks. "You cannot tell him this," she murmurs. "Please Dara, you cannot. I don't know if I'm even correct, and I cannot say I know why for certain. But...I have my thoughts. And I don't think she was hurt because of R'vain. I think...do you remember when I was injured in the baths?"
Essdara smiles, just a little. "I think we can both agree that, in general, what we say to each other stays there. Especially this conversation." She nods a bit, and there's the slightest of smirks with her next words. "When you fell. Yeah, I remember it." She tilts her head. "If not R'vain, then who?"
"I didn't fall," Roa whispers. "I was tripped, tied up, interrogated, drugged and pushed into the baths. Which is, as I understand it, how I was found when Tialith called for help. It was the first in a number of attacks and many of them center around a vendetta against the Captain." there is a moment before Roa clarifies, "Tavaly's brother."
"Jensen." Dara says softly. "I... Know him. Though not so much, the last turn. And I knew you'd not fallen, though not the details. But why Riann, then? You... Well, Tava mentioned you two were close. Very. Not a bad choice, really." She's talking in a distracted tone, clearly processing and thinking more than focusing on her words. Finally she focuses on Roa again. "Why Riann? I didn't think he and R'vain were at all close."
Up goes a single eyebrow. "Everyone seems to think that about Jensen and me," Roa murmurs. "It was never like that. We were never...we were friends. Are. And Jensen...when he was a guard at High Reaches Hold, he was assigned to the Lady Sian. She knew him, and trusted him, apparently. After Riann was born, she asked something ridiculous of him. That the Captain agree to protect Riann at all costs. That would mean remaining where she was. That would mean, possibly, standing up against the Hold he'd made an oath to when he went into service. She was asking him to become a traitor, for the sake of her daughter's safety." Eyes close and Roa slowly shakes her head. "And Jen being Jen...he agreed, of course."
Essdara shrugs softly. "I never figured it was more than making sure if Tialith rose, you were ready." Dara admits. "I'm sorry if I misunderstood. And... I can very much see him making that oath." She sighs softly. "So, of course, he cares about her, and as such, she is a target. But... Even someone insane enough to hurt the people around him, surely wouldn't hurt a child, a babe. There are limits to what people will do.... Aren't there? Was something tried, or some threat made?"
"Oh," another one of Roa's slow blinks. "No, I suppose you haven't misunderstood then. But, it was just the once, and I don't particularly consider that it counts, save for when Tialith goes. And as you likely already know, it's not something that ought to be repeated. Some folks mightn't..." and then Roa stops and her eyes widen ever so slightly. "mightn't....oh. Oh. Shells. Oh..." And her head lowers to her knees with a soft, miserable groan.
Essdara blinks, nonplussed. "Roa?" She sets her plate aside and scootches around the tray to lay a hand on the woman's back, lightly rubbing alone her spine. "Don't think it's that big a deal. Shards, certainly not to me, not with my history. And I've snuck into enough weyrling classes, talked to enough greenriders, to know that's just good sense. And like I said... A good choice. Nothing wrong with anything there, I promise you, and not a person who rides a dragon ever gonna think twice about it to begin with." A quiet a moment of light patting. "Or is it something else? I'm here, talk to me, whatever it is we'll work it out, I promise."
"No, I..." the words, pressed into Roa's knees, are muffled, "I think I made a mistake that I just realized I made. I lied to someone and..." another small groan. "I didn't mean to, I didn't, but I have. It's going to be awful." And, suddenly, that girl who creeps into the kitchens to peel tubers isn't so far away, after all. But after a few slow breaths, the weyrwoman lifts her head again. "It's all right. It's only that I'm a very big idiot and I've made a very large mess that I don't wish to talk about at present." She allows herself a final, "Oh Shells," and a last swallow before moving on. "Riann," she says, returning to the other topic. "When Sian was found, Riann had...she was covered with a pillow. Completely. Whoever murdered the Lady intended to kill Riann as well. Or perhaps..." brows draw down. "Perhaps it was the other way around," her voice has become hushed. "Perhaps it was Riann all along that was meant as a target. But if Sian arrived unexpectedly then...and it got out of hand and...and that would explain why she was there at all instead of long gone. Faranth."
Essdara frowns, ever so slightly, at the focus back on the main topic, and adds simply, "You can always talk to me, Roa. My confidence is absolute, and a mess shared is a lot easier to bear and to clean up." But, as the weyrwoman has reemerged, Dara quietly retracts her hand and moves a bit away to look at her. "I didn't know that." She says, softly. "All this was before R'vain and I were close, and I admit I didn't pay very close attention to what was said when it happened. But... Surely she could have been protected here. Knowing she was a target, someone could have been found to watch her. Shells, I'd've done it in a heartbeat. Why did she have to go so far away, and to somewhere that, really, there's a good chance she won't return from any time soon? To somewhere he can't, even with Ruvoth, go and see her, visit her, be with her. I know you both speak highly of who she is with, but it's not the same as growing up around family. Shards, Roa.. I barely knew my own parents, and I lived here with them. Mother is more an acquaintance than anything. He should be more for her than that, more for her than just a name and a story." She sighs and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, it's wrong of me to say this. You know better than I what needs doing. It just seems very extreme, like baking a three-tiered cake for someone who just wanted something sweet to nibble on."
"You may have missed this," Roa begins dryly, "but there are a whole lot of folks that were getting...are getting hurt. Despite guards. Most of which, if I may remind you, were in the process of getting recalled at the time. He had nowhere to send her. I had nowhere but there. Someone had been asking about Riann in the kitchens that morning...I hadn't slept in a full seven, offering at all was idiotic. But. *He* accepted the offer, and I wouldn't have done it else." She breathes out slowly. "She's not gone forever. She won't be gone long at all, I get my say. Nobody will. It was the only place they couldn't be touched, any of them. But they're going to come back." A soft and solemn vow. "If you've ever believed me about anything, believe that."
Essdara asks, quietly. "They? Who else is there with her, Roa? I do believe you mean that, I just hope that you aren't wrong. I don't know how you even did it to begin with... I didn't think there was any contact between us and them." Mainlanders and exiles. "And yeah, he accepted, but he regrets it bitterly, Roa. And as long as she is gone, he'll not forgive himself. You said before it's good for him to feel powerless, helpless... Not like this, Roa. Not with this. No one should have to feel that way about their children. Well, not until they are much older and doing things on their own that their parents won't approve of. But." She sighs. "It was, as you say, the option that was taken, and all we can do now is recover. And hopefully soon, whoever it is causing this chaos, making my home nearly unlivable, will be found out and brought to task for it." A too-sweet smile. "And I admit I wouldn't mind a chance to help there."
"No," the word is flat, clear and certain. "Not in this, I'm sorry. And I can't talk anymore about it." Slowly, Roa uncurls, and slowly she picks at the greens on her plate, nibbling a few. "You're still the best cook here," Roa murmurs.
Essdara nods a little, not looking at all disappointed, or surprised. "I wouldn't say best. But still good, even if I don't have the energy for it that I used to. These days, I'm happy just to get up in the morning." She looks down at the tray, lapsing quiet for a few moments. "I almost left, you know. Almost gave up on it all and left, after Yevide. Aelan argued me out of it. She's a good one, there. She deserves the future she's struggling for."
Roa tips her head to the side, "Aelan...she....I met her once, I think. I'm glad she had you stay. I'm sorry I wasn't around to talk to. My head wasn't..." so much sane.
Essdara smiles a bit at her, understanding. "We all have our burdens to carry, Roa. And all too often, we choose to carry them alone." She stands, slowly. "I think it's best I go now. You've studying to catch up on, and I've things to do as well. I hope we get the chance to talk again soon, Roa." Her smile fades. "And I will remember that promise. It is an important one, and I look forward to it's fulfillment."
Roa draws her legs up under her again and stands in a single fluid movement without, even, the assistance of her hands. "As do I." And again, that soft and serious note. Then the somber expression is gone behind a gentle smile. "Thank you for visiting and for lunch. I'm sure we'll have reason to speak again soon."
Essdara nods a little, a brief flicker of something unreadable crossing her expression. "I'm sure we will, Roa." she says, as she leans down to pick up the tray. "What that reason will be... Well, we'll see. Someday, one of us is bound to actually be happy and want to talk about it." She straightens. "If you need anything of the kitchens, you know where I'll be. I'm always there for you."
A small laugh. Flat. Mirthless. "Someday," Roa agrees. And then, more quietly, "You know where I can be found as well. Let's neither of us forget where to locate the other." Her hand reaches out to gently squeeze the other woman's upper arm before she turns away and back to her desk to begin inspecting the hides there anew. Outside on the ledge, Tialith, so recently relaxed and dozing, sits upright, alert, eyes now whirling green tinged with the slightest hint of yellow.
Essdara offers a small smile to Roa at the touch, and then is gone out the door. A polite, apologetic smile to the now-alert dragon - the easy litmus test of rider feelings - and she is away across the bowl, and back to her work.