RP: Thinking Too Much
Date: Saturday, January 14, 1999
Characters: Hermione Granger
Location: London, Diagon Alley
Status: Private
Summary: Hermione runs errands after work and thinks too much
Completion: Complete
For a rainy winter day, the streets of London were crowded. Of course, it was Saturday, which likely accounted for the groups of tourists taking photographs of everything and the teenagers window shopping while giggling and playfully cursing one another. The difference between their teenage years and Hermione's was that the curses were vulgar words instead of painful magical charms.
After a rather quiet day at work, she had left Hogwarts and stopped by home to change out of her work robes. Harry was looking after Teddy today, she knew, and Ron was working, so she went ahead and decided to get some errands run. Even if Harry hadn't had Teddy, though, she probably wouldn't have asked him to go shopping with her. Things were still awkward between them, even if they had moments when things felt almost normal. Those moments didn't exceed the uncomfortable ones, which was unfortunate. She missed him more than she expected, and she'd realized during recent weeks just how much time she spent with him.
It was surprising. She knew that they'd always spent a lot of time together, the two of them and Ron had always been together during school. But in the months since the war, she and Ron had dealt with their attraction and made a choice that led to things being weird between them and had Ron working most of the time or spending time away from home. When he'd changed his routine, it left her and Harry together more often, just the two of them.
There was a part of her that wondered if her infatuation with Harry, as she'd acknowledged that was what she must feel towards him, had grown out of proximity. That didn't really make sense, not considering they'd spent a lot of time together for years without her thinking about touching him or kissing him in ways that she knew weren't appropriate for best friends. While she'd had a crush on him in the past, before Ron and everything, it was something she'd been able to get past because she'd known then that their friendship meant more than anything.
It still did, but, unlike those years ago, she wasn't able to force it aside and move on. There was another part of her that wondered if this was some sort of punishment for what she did to her parents or for not finding answers before so many people died. But the idea of considering anything related to Harry and how she felt about him as punishment was something she couldn't really fathom. Above everything, he was her best friend and one of the greatest people that she knew. She had decided that that part of herself who entertained such ridiculous notions needed a good slap.
Of course, the fact that there were several parts of her that had theories or beliefs behind something as simple yet complicated as a crush on Harry was enough to likely get her admitted into St. Mungos. Especially if she ever admitted to the lists and flowcharts that she'd stupidly written one night last week while trying to understand everything. The part of her that said matter-of-factly that Harry was, and always had been, attractive and clever and caring so it was perfectly normal to develop feelings and have desires regardless of their friendship was the one she mostly tried to listen to because it was logical.
There was no comparison with Ron and how she'd felt about him. Ron and Harry were two different people, and she loved them both, as family and best friends, before anything else made things complicated. From there, her reactions and thoughts about them, how she'd felt for Ron for years and how she was feeling for Harry now, were more complicated. Oddly enough, it hadn't been so confusing with Ron, except for when she kept thinking he felt the same way but he never did or said anything. Their friendship hadn't been as close or strong as her friendship with Harry, and Ron had never thought of her like a sister, so it was different. Considering how things had gone with him, she knew that she needed to get through this with Harry before their friendship was ruined completely.
She and Ron were becoming closer again. It took time, but their friendship was healing. It hadn't been the right time for them, they'd both sort of realized that, and now, well, she knew that it probably wouldn't have gone well at all because she couldn't have developed these confusing feelings for Harry if her heart had been broken by Ron or she had been in love with him. She had known during their talk that she wasn't in love with him, but she'd thought there was a chance that she was wrong, that she wouldn't really know what 'in love' felt like. She knew enough to know, though, that 'in love' didn't allow for fancying someone else a few months later.
This awkwardness with Harry was driving her mental. She was thinking about it too much, and she kept feeling like she should understand it by now. It wasn't a bloody horcrux to solve, after all. She had tried approaching it logically, tried to figure out why that kiss had made things weird, tried analyzing how she'd messed everything up, and she still had no specific answers. If Harry thought of her like a sister, why had he kissed her that way? Why had he said he couldn't stop thinking about it? Why had something seemingly innocent made their relationship tense and uncomfortable?
She hadn't been able to stop thinking about that morning, either, but she didn't think of him like a brother. she'd also thought about kissing him, properly, before that morning. The part of her that hopefully thought he had thought about it for the same reasons as her was foolish, especially since it was probably him being disgusted that they'd share a rather intimate kiss when he felt like she was his sister. She knew Ron certainly wouldn't have kissed Ginny that way. She made a face at that thought and shook her head.
This was ridiculous. She was making her head hurt, and people were looking at her oddly for not noticing the rain. Her hair was soaked and likely in a frizzy mess by now. All this thinking, and she was no closer to understanding. It was so frustrating. And tonight there was Alicia's party at Belladonna, which meant a crowd of people and loud noise and dancing. She would wear the dress that she'd worn on New Year's Eve, because it was the most practical for dancing at this time of year, and it would make her think about that morning and all the things she didn't want to think about.
At least Kreacher had been able to get the stains from Chinese food out of the bodice and skirt or she'd have had to figure out something else to wear. When it came to clothes, she was just lazy and couldn't really bring herself to care that much unless it was some special occasion or something that made her feel nervous, like Mrs. Malfoy's party. She did need new stockings, she remembered, because hers had got ladders in them that night. It was easier to think about replacing her stockings than it was to worry about her friendship with Harry, so she'd focus on that for awhile.
She bought Alicia a voucher and picked up a new pair of stockings while she was at the shop. There was a sale on knickers and bras, so she took the time to try on a few things because, well, it didn't hurt anything to be girly sometimes, so long as it was in moderation. Of course, after trying on a few things, she'd found a set in a pretty shade of blue that she thought looked really nice, so there went more money than she'd planned to spend on something that wasn't very practical. Everyone deserved an impractical waste of money, though, didn't they?
After finishing that shopping, she looked for somewhere private so that she could Apparate to Diagon Alley. It was still early, and she had more errands to run. They needed Pepper Up potion as the bottle in the cupboard was nearly empty, and they were almost out of owl treats, since Harry's appearance in that rubbish magazine had resulted in dozens of owls delivering mail.
When she found an empty alley off of a slower street, she ducked into it and Apparated. Diagon Alley was pretty busy, too, she noticed. She cast a warming charm on herself but didn't bother with her hair. It was already soaked, and a drying charm wouldn't make it look any better. She ran her hand through it before she headed to the Apothecary.
Characters: Hermione Granger
Location: London, Diagon Alley
Status: Private
Summary: Hermione runs errands after work and thinks too much
Completion: Complete
For a rainy winter day, the streets of London were crowded. Of course, it was Saturday, which likely accounted for the groups of tourists taking photographs of everything and the teenagers window shopping while giggling and playfully cursing one another. The difference between their teenage years and Hermione's was that the curses were vulgar words instead of painful magical charms.
After a rather quiet day at work, she had left Hogwarts and stopped by home to change out of her work robes. Harry was looking after Teddy today, she knew, and Ron was working, so she went ahead and decided to get some errands run. Even if Harry hadn't had Teddy, though, she probably wouldn't have asked him to go shopping with her. Things were still awkward between them, even if they had moments when things felt almost normal. Those moments didn't exceed the uncomfortable ones, which was unfortunate. She missed him more than she expected, and she'd realized during recent weeks just how much time she spent with him.
It was surprising. She knew that they'd always spent a lot of time together, the two of them and Ron had always been together during school. But in the months since the war, she and Ron had dealt with their attraction and made a choice that led to things being weird between them and had Ron working most of the time or spending time away from home. When he'd changed his routine, it left her and Harry together more often, just the two of them.
There was a part of her that wondered if her infatuation with Harry, as she'd acknowledged that was what she must feel towards him, had grown out of proximity. That didn't really make sense, not considering they'd spent a lot of time together for years without her thinking about touching him or kissing him in ways that she knew weren't appropriate for best friends. While she'd had a crush on him in the past, before Ron and everything, it was something she'd been able to get past because she'd known then that their friendship meant more than anything.
It still did, but, unlike those years ago, she wasn't able to force it aside and move on. There was another part of her that wondered if this was some sort of punishment for what she did to her parents or for not finding answers before so many people died. But the idea of considering anything related to Harry and how she felt about him as punishment was something she couldn't really fathom. Above everything, he was her best friend and one of the greatest people that she knew. She had decided that that part of herself who entertained such ridiculous notions needed a good slap.
Of course, the fact that there were several parts of her that had theories or beliefs behind something as simple yet complicated as a crush on Harry was enough to likely get her admitted into St. Mungos. Especially if she ever admitted to the lists and flowcharts that she'd stupidly written one night last week while trying to understand everything. The part of her that said matter-of-factly that Harry was, and always had been, attractive and clever and caring so it was perfectly normal to develop feelings and have desires regardless of their friendship was the one she mostly tried to listen to because it was logical.
There was no comparison with Ron and how she'd felt about him. Ron and Harry were two different people, and she loved them both, as family and best friends, before anything else made things complicated. From there, her reactions and thoughts about them, how she'd felt for Ron for years and how she was feeling for Harry now, were more complicated. Oddly enough, it hadn't been so confusing with Ron, except for when she kept thinking he felt the same way but he never did or said anything. Their friendship hadn't been as close or strong as her friendship with Harry, and Ron had never thought of her like a sister, so it was different. Considering how things had gone with him, she knew that she needed to get through this with Harry before their friendship was ruined completely.
She and Ron were becoming closer again. It took time, but their friendship was healing. It hadn't been the right time for them, they'd both sort of realized that, and now, well, she knew that it probably wouldn't have gone well at all because she couldn't have developed these confusing feelings for Harry if her heart had been broken by Ron or she had been in love with him. She had known during their talk that she wasn't in love with him, but she'd thought there was a chance that she was wrong, that she wouldn't really know what 'in love' felt like. She knew enough to know, though, that 'in love' didn't allow for fancying someone else a few months later.
This awkwardness with Harry was driving her mental. She was thinking about it too much, and she kept feeling like she should understand it by now. It wasn't a bloody horcrux to solve, after all. She had tried approaching it logically, tried to figure out why that kiss had made things weird, tried analyzing how she'd messed everything up, and she still had no specific answers. If Harry thought of her like a sister, why had he kissed her that way? Why had he said he couldn't stop thinking about it? Why had something seemingly innocent made their relationship tense and uncomfortable?
She hadn't been able to stop thinking about that morning, either, but she didn't think of him like a brother. she'd also thought about kissing him, properly, before that morning. The part of her that hopefully thought he had thought about it for the same reasons as her was foolish, especially since it was probably him being disgusted that they'd share a rather intimate kiss when he felt like she was his sister. She knew Ron certainly wouldn't have kissed Ginny that way. She made a face at that thought and shook her head.
This was ridiculous. She was making her head hurt, and people were looking at her oddly for not noticing the rain. Her hair was soaked and likely in a frizzy mess by now. All this thinking, and she was no closer to understanding. It was so frustrating. And tonight there was Alicia's party at Belladonna, which meant a crowd of people and loud noise and dancing. She would wear the dress that she'd worn on New Year's Eve, because it was the most practical for dancing at this time of year, and it would make her think about that morning and all the things she didn't want to think about.
At least Kreacher had been able to get the stains from Chinese food out of the bodice and skirt or she'd have had to figure out something else to wear. When it came to clothes, she was just lazy and couldn't really bring herself to care that much unless it was some special occasion or something that made her feel nervous, like Mrs. Malfoy's party. She did need new stockings, she remembered, because hers had got ladders in them that night. It was easier to think about replacing her stockings than it was to worry about her friendship with Harry, so she'd focus on that for awhile.
She bought Alicia a voucher and picked up a new pair of stockings while she was at the shop. There was a sale on knickers and bras, so she took the time to try on a few things because, well, it didn't hurt anything to be girly sometimes, so long as it was in moderation. Of course, after trying on a few things, she'd found a set in a pretty shade of blue that she thought looked really nice, so there went more money than she'd planned to spend on something that wasn't very practical. Everyone deserved an impractical waste of money, though, didn't they?
After finishing that shopping, she looked for somewhere private so that she could Apparate to Diagon Alley. It was still early, and she had more errands to run. They needed Pepper Up potion as the bottle in the cupboard was nearly empty, and they were almost out of owl treats, since Harry's appearance in that rubbish magazine had resulted in dozens of owls delivering mail.
When she found an empty alley off of a slower street, she ducked into it and Apparated. Diagon Alley was pretty busy, too, she noticed. She cast a warming charm on herself but didn't bother with her hair. It was already soaked, and a drying charm wouldn't make it look any better. She ran her hand through it before she headed to the Apothecary.