My heart is so full I could burst...
There are so many words in the english language, but none of them describe this feeling that I have in me right now. I am, not gonna lie, kinda buzzed, but more importantly in love. And I say this often, so no one takes me seriously, but this 'love' that I feel is unending, indescribeable, and amazing. I didn't know you could love someone this way that was not your own child from the womb, actually, hah. He's not ready for me and this feeling that only grows when I merely think of him. I don't know how to make him ready but I'm willing to wait an entire year or more for him to be ready. He's wonderful. He's amazing. He's loving, kind, ambitious, beautiful, poetic, sincere, romantic... I want to cry. Not because I am sad, but because I've never felt like this before. I'm doing everything I can to be the friend he needs now, so we can be the perfect lovers that I know we can be later. I've never felt this way before, ever, and I don't want it to go away, ever.
In other news, tonight I was informed that I am actually Spanish at heart. Which, is probably the most amazing compliment I've ever received, especially since a SPANISH person was one of the two people that told me this. I am so touched to be spiritually related to such a wonderful culture. It's days and nights like these that make me so thankful for this terrible life that I live.
I had the unfortunet pleasure of attending Courtney's grandmother's funeral today. I cried, a lot, mostly when Courtney wasn't looking (hah, I know you're going to read this and I love you so much). I don't know how I did as a best friend, but I love that girl more than life. It's crazy, really, I feel more at home with her and her family than I do with my own. I hug her and her family with vigor and passion, I really love them more than words can describe. Sometimes, I feel like they're all I've got.
It's really lonely and scary when you realize you're basically all alone. I'm almost there, but not quite. I don't lie when I say I have the most amazing people in my life... Courtney, Christina, Charlie, Jessica, Shorti, Flynn, Jay, Big, Twin, Heremza, Sammy, Immanuel, Nicholas, David... blood doesn't make family, you ARE my family. I couldn't live without them, seriously.
Sweet dreams and best wishes. Happy holidays.
In other news, tonight I was informed that I am actually Spanish at heart. Which, is probably the most amazing compliment I've ever received, especially since a SPANISH person was one of the two people that told me this. I am so touched to be spiritually related to such a wonderful culture. It's days and nights like these that make me so thankful for this terrible life that I live.
I had the unfortunet pleasure of attending Courtney's grandmother's funeral today. I cried, a lot, mostly when Courtney wasn't looking (hah, I know you're going to read this and I love you so much). I don't know how I did as a best friend, but I love that girl more than life. It's crazy, really, I feel more at home with her and her family than I do with my own. I hug her and her family with vigor and passion, I really love them more than words can describe. Sometimes, I feel like they're all I've got.
It's really lonely and scary when you realize you're basically all alone. I'm almost there, but not quite. I don't lie when I say I have the most amazing people in my life... Courtney, Christina, Charlie, Jessica, Shorti, Flynn, Jay, Big, Twin, Heremza, Sammy, Immanuel, Nicholas, David... blood doesn't make family, you ARE my family. I couldn't live without them, seriously.
Sweet dreams and best wishes. Happy holidays.