After any fight, especially after any particularly large battle, when the mind does not work very clearly. The shock of the violence, of the loss, of the insanity of all of it dazes a person.
At that particular moment, I found myself wondering just how much the casino-goers a hundred metres above our heads had felt of the massive altercation occuring below them.
I wandered through the rubble, wiping dust and grime and blood from my eyes, looking for survivors. I found a slim, moving figure nearby, heard it cough, waving the heavy air away.
"Illyria--I'll get you to safety... Willow, or one of the others can find a way to heal you quickly."
Wesley knew the facts as well as I. Although I desperately wished to see my one friend again, there would be nothing she could do to assist me... nor any of the others. "It is mortal," I said simply, wondering at my own choice of words. I was mortal at last.
"It's done. The world is safe for now. We've done it. You've done it."
"I did nothing of the sort," I argued weakly, "although I wished it had been me to finish it. To finish... him." My eyes shut briefly, a small fluttering motion that I had never done before. "As it was... it was most satisfying to see you fight... and survive... since I had been so mistaken before."
I looked back up and realized my head was supported by him now, felt how this was exactly the manner in which Fred had left this reality. I coughed once more, this time feeling and tasting the blood upon my lips
( ... )
I nodded. I didn't want to lie to Illyria anymore, didn't want any more lies between us. Didn't want any lies at all anymore.
"It is. I'm sorry."
"I did nothing of the sort... although I wished it had been me to finish it. To finish... him."
Illyria's eyes began to close, and I shook her gently.
"Illyria?!"
When her eyes regained focus, I let out a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. Something stung my eyes and I wiped at them with the back of my hand.
"As it was... it was most satisfying to see you fight... and survive... since I had been so mistaken before."
And now the tables were turned. I could feel the life slipping from her, the brilliant, bright, violent and unique light that was all her own. The deja vu was a another weight that I could feel still pressing down around us both.
Illyria spoke again, and I could see the effort it cost her.
"How I wished to have truly seen this new world, Wesley... you must... you must care for Spike... when I am gone."I nodded again. The life of this world, in all
( ... )
He shook my form and my eyes opened once more. This frail body that could not contain my true essence could not even support me in battle. And so Fred would die twice.
Wesley would find the peace, the resolution he required once I was gone, and I...
I would be gone. Nothing save a memory, shadows and dust in the wind.
I looked at his face, at the one who had tried to murder me, tried to teach me, stripped me of my powers, and eventually... became the shell that I had been so hoping to escape. Yet now, his eyes shining down upon me with a sense of honor and hope within them?
I had been mistaken. Wesley was not a shell of what he once was; he had merely lost his way. Perhaps... perhaps I could take comfort in the fact that I had reminded him of it? No. No, it was not enough, and as I wiped the blood from my lips slowly, I knew what would be enough.
What I had actually been seeking, searching for, longing for all along.
And it had nothing to do with the rest of the human race and everything to do with...
Like a leaf caught on the surface of a wave, I could see as well as feel Illyria being pulled to and fro-- from aware and calm and lucid to very nearly gone-- before my eyes. As she came back, eyes shining with clarity, at least for the moment, Illyria seemed to come to a decision, find a bit of peace.
Illyria reached up, placing her hand lightly on my shoulder before she was unable to make it stay.
"Wesley... Lie to me."No need to question, to clarify, or to wonder. I knew without a doubt what Illyria was asking, and why
( ... )
It was a few moments before he spoke to me again, and his words were so quiet, the wind nearly drowned them out... or perhaps it was merely me, caught between worlds, clinging to what I would never have one last time.
I had died once long ago, been left behind in the Deeper Well, and now I was all that remained of it thanks to Cain... soon I would be gone, so perhaps he had won, in the end.
Clouds filled my vision as I once again pushed through the pain and held it, using it to keep me here for a moment longer, to look into the eyes that had hated me so once, yet now held something else within them.
A slight touch from Wesley's hand on my face gave me the warmth I needed to stay...
"Please, why can't I stay?"
... and I leaned into it, allowing him the moment as well. A shared one that perhaps I wanted more than he, but a shared one nonetheless.
"I don't have to."
My eyes shut as I began to let the body I inhabited go, to wither and die like the flower Willow had given to me once. Yet, he continued to speak...
I tasted the salt tang of tears, felt the pressure against my lips that I knew was taking the very last of Illyria's physical strength to accomplish. And then, a moment later, it was gone as she moved away. Her lips trembled as she managed to breathe out a few more words.
"Thank you..."
"Again," I whispered, "thank you."
She coughed, a harsh convulsion that wracked her entire now frail and weakening body.
"I... love... you..."
"Shhhh..." I pulled her closer, my cheek against hers. "I know." I'd always known, I supposed, but had never been willing to admit it to myself, or to anyone else. But I knew. I accepted. And her love had helped set me free.
"Tell... Willow... that..."And then she was gone
( ... )
At that particular moment, I found myself wondering just how much the casino-goers a hundred metres above our heads had felt of the massive altercation occuring below them.
I wandered through the rubble, wiping dust and grime and blood from my eyes, looking for survivors. I found a slim, moving figure nearby, heard it cough, waving the heavy air away.
"Wesley...""Illyria ( ... )
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Wesley knew the facts as well as I. Although I desperately wished to see my one friend again, there would be nothing she could do to assist me... nor any of the others. "It is mortal," I said simply, wondering at my own choice of words. I was mortal at last.
"It's done. The world is safe for now. We've done it. You've done it."
"I did nothing of the sort," I argued weakly, "although I wished it had been me to finish it. To finish... him." My eyes shut briefly, a small fluttering motion that I had never done before. "As it was... it was most satisfying to see you fight... and survive... since I had been so mistaken before."
I looked back up and realized my head was supported by him now, felt how this was exactly the manner in which Fred had left this reality. I coughed once more, this time feeling and tasting the blood upon my lips ( ... )
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I nodded. I didn't want to lie to Illyria anymore, didn't want any more lies between us. Didn't want any lies at all anymore.
"It is. I'm sorry."
"I did nothing of the sort... although I wished it had been me to finish it. To finish... him."
Illyria's eyes began to close, and I shook her gently.
"Illyria?!"
When her eyes regained focus, I let out a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. Something stung my eyes and I wiped at them with the back of my hand.
"As it was... it was most satisfying to see you fight... and survive... since I had been so mistaken before."
And now the tables were turned. I could feel the life slipping from her, the brilliant, bright, violent and unique light that was all her own. The deja vu was a another weight that I could feel still pressing down around us both.
Illyria spoke again, and I could see the effort it cost her.
"How I wished to have truly seen this new world, Wesley... you must... you must care for Spike... when I am gone."I nodded again. The life of this world, in all ( ... )
Reply
He shook my form and my eyes opened once more. This frail body that could not contain my true essence could not even support me in battle. And so Fred would die twice.
Wesley would find the peace, the resolution he required once I was gone, and I...
I would be gone. Nothing save a memory, shadows and dust in the wind.
I looked at his face, at the one who had tried to murder me, tried to teach me, stripped me of my powers, and eventually... became the shell that I had been so hoping to escape. Yet now, his eyes shining down upon me with a sense of honor and hope within them?
I had been mistaken. Wesley was not a shell of what he once was; he had merely lost his way. Perhaps... perhaps I could take comfort in the fact that I had reminded him of it? No. No, it was not enough, and as I wiped the blood from my lips slowly, I knew what would be enough.
What I had actually been seeking, searching for, longing for all along.
And it had nothing to do with the rest of the human race and everything to do with...
Love.
"Let ( ... )
Reply
Illyria reached up, placing her hand lightly on my shoulder before she was unable to make it stay.
"Wesley... Lie to me."No need to question, to clarify, or to wonder. I knew without a doubt what Illyria was asking, and why ( ... )
Reply
I had died once long ago, been left behind in the Deeper Well, and now I was all that remained of it thanks to Cain... soon I would be gone, so perhaps he had won, in the end.
Clouds filled my vision as I once again pushed through the pain and held it, using it to keep me here for a moment longer, to look into the eyes that had hated me so once, yet now held something else within them.
A slight touch from Wesley's hand on my face gave me the warmth I needed to stay...
"Please, why can't I stay?"
... and I leaned into it, allowing him the moment as well. A shared one that perhaps I wanted more than he, but a shared one nonetheless.
"I don't have to."
My eyes shut as I began to let the body I inhabited go, to wither and die like the flower Willow had given to me once. Yet, he continued to speak...
"I love you."The ( ... )
Reply
"Thank you..."
"Again," I whispered, "thank you."
She coughed, a harsh convulsion that wracked her entire now frail and weakening body.
"I... love... you..."
"Shhhh..." I pulled her closer, my cheek against hers. "I know." I'd always known, I supposed, but had never been willing to admit it to myself, or to anyone else. But I knew. I accepted. And her love had helped set me free.
"Tell... Willow... that..."And then she was gone ( ... )
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