(no subject)
When are you gonna realize that we are meant to be. Has our time away left you longing for me the way I long for you. I cant lie...Ive met other girls...been with other girls...in fact lately, I have had a rash of beautiful single women really interested in me. And as much as Id like to be interested in them...im just not. They dont make me feel the way you did. They dont have your smile, your laugh, your personality...they dont have your aura...I think some of the things that have been said between us were misguided. We were so hung up on what we should look for...what we wanted to look for...that we never realized how perfect we were for each other. I was just a shy, easy going pothead and you were a crazy happy go-lucky alcoholic. We measured ourselves so much on the recreational drugs we did, that we never even noticed that the only drugs our hearts felt was the closeness of each other. Now ive been clean for so long. I havent so much as smoked a bowl in an immesurable amount of time. But your eyes still keep me awake at night. The memories of the way you called me Rikky. The look in your eyes that night that I fucked up and broke up with you. I only did it cause I felt like you were going to break up with me. But when I saw the look in your face...I knew that you didnt feel that way. The truth is I felt inadequete around you. I couldnt believe that a loser like me could land someone so beautiful like you. I grew up under the sassumption that physical beauty only comes at the sacrifice of personal integrity. Boy, was I wrong. You possessed not only the extreme physical beauty that you could never see in yourself, but this sort of quirky inner beauty the really attracted me to you. I remember one of my friends really wanted to get with you...but it wasnt because of who you were...and at that moment, i didnt know who you were. I told him that he better sleep with you, or im gonna go for it. Well, weeks later I did go for it. In my own allof way I pursued you...initially because you were gorgeous... but in my pursuit I discovered so much more to you. in fact that one night we spent on my front porch...in one night I knew I found someone so my type that i had become addicted to who you were. I remember, before we even went out, before i even slept with you, telling my friend that you were the type of girl i could see myself with for a long time. He didnt believe me. But you know what? I still feel that way. The last thing I see at night before I fall asleep is your face. Maybe not physically, but at least in my mind. I wish that I could spend a day in bed with you again. Like we used to look forward to every week. not necessarily having sex, but just laying next to you...I wonder sometimes if you feel the same way. i think I have come to accept the fact that we'll never be together again. I hurts every time I think about it...but I realize that although you might be the perfect girl for me...that I might not be the right guy for you. But here I am seven months later. I wish I could like in your eyes and touch your hand and say thank you. Cause even in my darkest hours, you give me hope. Hope that not every girl out there is just an excuse to not be alone. That there are girls out there that I can genuinely fall in love with. Hope that some day I might meet a girl that reminds me of you...and know that she feels just as strongly about me as I do about her. And maybe...my lonely fantasies of you in white dress standing next to me will end. And those fantasies will become reality with some girl somewhere out there. I miss you Laura. I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart mind & soul. Please dont forget about me...