(no subject)
This is getting rediculous. Sometimes I hate being a woman. I think it is incredibly ironic that my resolution this year was to try and emrace my femininity (sp?) more than I have in the past to work on becoming a woman after God's own heart. I've got it down except for these few days a month where its absolute hell. A gunshot wound between my legs would not be any kinder or feel any better. Yet for some reason God created us this way. He made me with a hole that bleeds once a month and hurts like nothing any man on earth can ever comprehend. Perhaps if I could focus on the future and what it might hold. Or maybe even just the now, but less of me, and more of You. Why am I always so quick to be self-centered Lord? I know I am in pain right now, but so do you, and you don't need to be reminded of it. Love where you are, because its all you have right now. Tomorrow you maybe somewhere completely different, so today, love where you are. God, I don't know what my future holds. Whether you are calling me to be a wife or a mother or a single woman for you. Whatever your path Lord, I long to follow it, loving all along the way. Even if no one remembers me for any thing else when I am gone I want this one thing to remain in their hearts and minds of me: She loved. Lord, may no person near me ever feel the sting of unwant. May no child ever long for a hug while my arms can still squeeze. May no ear long for praise and comfort while my tongue can still speak your words. Use me Lord, use every ounce of me. Let there be nothing left when I fall into bed at the end of the day so that as I rest in you I may know that you loved through me today. That is what I want my life to be. I can do it anywhere and in any setting so just show me the way Lord. I will follow wherever you want me to go. And somehow Lord, I will smile even though I feel as though I'm going to die.