Alone
I feel so small right now. I don't know how to explain it.
My grandpa is so close to death. The brain cancer has gotten to him faster than I could have ever imagined. It seems just yesterday that he was singing in the barber shop choir without a care in the world. Flash forward to now, my mom is practically living in Carson City taking care of my grandpa, and now my dad is down there for a few days giving my mom a hand, while at the same time my uncles are vacationing with my grandpa's mortality in the back of their minds. It makes me think so little of them. How worthless can you be if you can't even take off work (or vacation) for a month or so just to help your 4'11" sister deal with your own father? Pieces of shit. Why does the burden have to be on our family? Why does my mom have to quit her already shaky job and my dad to take off work just to do what should be done with an entire family's effort?
At the same time my brother has seemingly taken a dive into the debaucheries of human existence. It seems that every waking moment my dad isn't around he's trying to build bongs or figure out how to buy weed. He hangs out with the most worthless scum, human garbage. Today he was telling me how meth is smoked and when I asked him how he knew he wouldn't tell me. Chelsea was telling me that she read some MySpace comment that he posted about doing all sorts of drugs and fingering some 8th grade bitch that he talks to on the phone all the time. It makes me sick. He's become everything that I can't stand. He tries to tell me that the fact that occasionally partake in alcohol makes it so I can't tell him anything. This, and a bad hangover, has led me to seriously thinking about quitting drinking and partying all together.
I'm also facing school within the next couple days and I don't know how things are going to play out. I feel like I have almost no friends. My selfish behavior has led me to alienate a lot of people that I hung out with before in school in favor of a group of kids that now have graduated. Now I don't know what's going to happen. I can usually adapt pretty well but I don't know about this. The work load is going to be exasperating this year, I can feel it.
All of this and now I feel like I've lost my best friend. I'm sure that we could sick of each other at times but when have I ever deliberately brought you down? Maybe I got sick of being the unfortunate one. Maybe I didn't want to be mocked, and not listened to anymore. Hopefully this will all pass. I do have confidence that it will.
My grandpa is so close to death. The brain cancer has gotten to him faster than I could have ever imagined. It seems just yesterday that he was singing in the barber shop choir without a care in the world. Flash forward to now, my mom is practically living in Carson City taking care of my grandpa, and now my dad is down there for a few days giving my mom a hand, while at the same time my uncles are vacationing with my grandpa's mortality in the back of their minds. It makes me think so little of them. How worthless can you be if you can't even take off work (or vacation) for a month or so just to help your 4'11" sister deal with your own father? Pieces of shit. Why does the burden have to be on our family? Why does my mom have to quit her already shaky job and my dad to take off work just to do what should be done with an entire family's effort?
At the same time my brother has seemingly taken a dive into the debaucheries of human existence. It seems that every waking moment my dad isn't around he's trying to build bongs or figure out how to buy weed. He hangs out with the most worthless scum, human garbage. Today he was telling me how meth is smoked and when I asked him how he knew he wouldn't tell me. Chelsea was telling me that she read some MySpace comment that he posted about doing all sorts of drugs and fingering some 8th grade bitch that he talks to on the phone all the time. It makes me sick. He's become everything that I can't stand. He tries to tell me that the fact that occasionally partake in alcohol makes it so I can't tell him anything. This, and a bad hangover, has led me to seriously thinking about quitting drinking and partying all together.
I'm also facing school within the next couple days and I don't know how things are going to play out. I feel like I have almost no friends. My selfish behavior has led me to alienate a lot of people that I hung out with before in school in favor of a group of kids that now have graduated. Now I don't know what's going to happen. I can usually adapt pretty well but I don't know about this. The work load is going to be exasperating this year, I can feel it.
All of this and now I feel like I've lost my best friend. I'm sure that we could sick of each other at times but when have I ever deliberately brought you down? Maybe I got sick of being the unfortunate one. Maybe I didn't want to be mocked, and not listened to anymore. Hopefully this will all pass. I do have confidence that it will.