Icing
Dead and usless, I don't feel like talking, or moving, or breathing. Deffinatly dont want to go to school.
This is stupid, I don't even understand how my happiness can entirly depend on person.
Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep forever. I'd love to. Yet I'm not tired and the house is too loud.
Wish I could float away on music. Slide between the letters that make up the words that make up the lyrics.
I'm never going to work. Drive. Going to school would be useless. I can't ammount. No ambition.
It's so cold but the heat makes me burn.
I want to tell him so bad, but he doesn't care and wouldn't understand. I bring more stress then happiness.
Can't look in the mirror. Too disgusting. Stupid soap. I wish I could live in a shower and never leave. I'd always be clean, and everythings beautiful underwater.
Too much food and cake, going to explode.
I've covered so much, and wrote not so much. Yet theres so much more and I don't know how to say it, or even think it. The light's hurting my eyes. Hold me while I cry on your shoulder, and understand me! This is what makes a person feel crazy. Wanting to scream something in your face but you cant, you can't even speak it, or whisper it.. Not even type it. Even here, My own "journal" I can't say everything. I can't on paper. Too much evidence. What am I doing? What am I even here for? No reason, yet every reason, to be misserable. I should lock my entries. But I want him to read them, I want him to understand, and comfort me. Not anyone else. That doesn't really matter, even if the thought is there.
I do care what people think, I try not to, but I do care a lot.
"Love is everywhere". Sometimes I believe it, like it's my religion. Other times it seems to me that it'll never be true. Never has and never will be. What does a person believe?
So many people have it worse. How do they get out of bed/whatever they sleep in, in the morning?
Maybe it's hope. Like it is for me. Hope that a new day will bring new glory. Doesn't seem to happen though. When will we ever learn?
P.S. I'm greedy. I can't accept the fact that he doesnt feel the way I do. It can't be healthy being like this. But it's how I always am. Clingy and obsessed. God, I don't know what to do.
This is stupid, I don't even understand how my happiness can entirly depend on person.
Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep forever. I'd love to. Yet I'm not tired and the house is too loud.
Wish I could float away on music. Slide between the letters that make up the words that make up the lyrics.
I'm never going to work. Drive. Going to school would be useless. I can't ammount. No ambition.
It's so cold but the heat makes me burn.
I want to tell him so bad, but he doesn't care and wouldn't understand. I bring more stress then happiness.
Can't look in the mirror. Too disgusting. Stupid soap. I wish I could live in a shower and never leave. I'd always be clean, and everythings beautiful underwater.
Too much food and cake, going to explode.
I've covered so much, and wrote not so much. Yet theres so much more and I don't know how to say it, or even think it. The light's hurting my eyes. Hold me while I cry on your shoulder, and understand me! This is what makes a person feel crazy. Wanting to scream something in your face but you cant, you can't even speak it, or whisper it.. Not even type it. Even here, My own "journal" I can't say everything. I can't on paper. Too much evidence. What am I doing? What am I even here for? No reason, yet every reason, to be misserable. I should lock my entries. But I want him to read them, I want him to understand, and comfort me. Not anyone else. That doesn't really matter, even if the thought is there.
I do care what people think, I try not to, but I do care a lot.
"Love is everywhere". Sometimes I believe it, like it's my religion. Other times it seems to me that it'll never be true. Never has and never will be. What does a person believe?
So many people have it worse. How do they get out of bed/whatever they sleep in, in the morning?
Maybe it's hope. Like it is for me. Hope that a new day will bring new glory. Doesn't seem to happen though. When will we ever learn?
P.S. I'm greedy. I can't accept the fact that he doesnt feel the way I do. It can't be healthy being like this. But it's how I always am. Clingy and obsessed. God, I don't know what to do.