we are not math
i like giants, especially girl giants, because all girls feel too big sometimes regardless of their size.
i have a hard time in relationships because i'm so independant. i dont, nor have i ever, run on other people's time. not even under the condition of employment. i'm late pretty often. but that doesnt bother me too much. what bothers me is when i'm late to meet friends, lovers, family.
so felt the case yesterday, as i was trying to make it to jacobs at a decent time since he worked early. but first i got off work, second i wanted food, then, thirdly, i NEEDED to clean my locks (stringy, oily-wet hair is sucha turn on!). so by and by it got late and i called. he did not pick up. i felt deflated with my ego popped, libido diminishing fast. i played semi-cool. liana and i expressed frustration with 'the game.' tried to rake away the debris that mucks up our views on 'how to win.' found winning evasive. my phone in hand, onto table...underbreath mumbling "i'm not calling him again." liana's concurrence. then my obnoxious raver's ringtone. "oh, oh, oh"
giggle. "helllloo?"
i tell him i'm dreading the cold. ask him about movie options. tell him i'm on my way, that i'll ride my bike. to which he tells me to be careful, it's slippery.
i take forever to leave the house, making liana promises that i will take all the trash out myself next week. i burn him all of mirahs albums. when i finally get to his porch, i decide to lie to him. tell him i took so long to arrive because liana and i were taking the trash out. i hands him the cd "as consellation." as if i needed that excuse. oh i adore him. his sweet smile. his funny, nasaly voice, like someone destined to be surrounded with children. we settled down on the couch, in a cuddle-embrace. and, really, we made it through a fair amount of "groundhog day" before fucking. afterward, he needed a smoke. he sat by the fireplace on the little cushioned stool, taking drags from his cigarette. and i was without blanket, spread out on the couch. partially on my back, partially on on my hip. he says, "you look straight out of Titanic. all you need is the heart of the ocean necklace."
i could not believe him saying this to me. i felt so vulnerable, bare. but with that, so beautiful and in control.
i have a hard time in relationships because i'm so independant. i dont, nor have i ever, run on other people's time. not even under the condition of employment. i'm late pretty often. but that doesnt bother me too much. what bothers me is when i'm late to meet friends, lovers, family.
so felt the case yesterday, as i was trying to make it to jacobs at a decent time since he worked early. but first i got off work, second i wanted food, then, thirdly, i NEEDED to clean my locks (stringy, oily-wet hair is sucha turn on!). so by and by it got late and i called. he did not pick up. i felt deflated with my ego popped, libido diminishing fast. i played semi-cool. liana and i expressed frustration with 'the game.' tried to rake away the debris that mucks up our views on 'how to win.' found winning evasive. my phone in hand, onto table...underbreath mumbling "i'm not calling him again." liana's concurrence. then my obnoxious raver's ringtone. "oh, oh, oh"
giggle. "helllloo?"
i tell him i'm dreading the cold. ask him about movie options. tell him i'm on my way, that i'll ride my bike. to which he tells me to be careful, it's slippery.
i take forever to leave the house, making liana promises that i will take all the trash out myself next week. i burn him all of mirahs albums. when i finally get to his porch, i decide to lie to him. tell him i took so long to arrive because liana and i were taking the trash out. i hands him the cd "as consellation." as if i needed that excuse. oh i adore him. his sweet smile. his funny, nasaly voice, like someone destined to be surrounded with children. we settled down on the couch, in a cuddle-embrace. and, really, we made it through a fair amount of "groundhog day" before fucking. afterward, he needed a smoke. he sat by the fireplace on the little cushioned stool, taking drags from his cigarette. and i was without blanket, spread out on the couch. partially on my back, partially on on my hip. he says, "you look straight out of Titanic. all you need is the heart of the ocean necklace."
i could not believe him saying this to me. i felt so vulnerable, bare. but with that, so beautiful and in control.