Crossroads - An English Comedy
Let me set the stage. My daughter came to me last night in tears. “I don’t want you and mommy to get a divorce.” Her mother angry with me had said something about divorce to her. There had been a painful dialog between mother and daughter about telling lies. I had intervened, a real no-no, by asking my daughter if she was afraid. When I did
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To the ego, everything it does is truth. To the divine there is only Truth.
I will reflect back to you my memory of what happened and try to leave it at that. I will do this for each of the things in your list.
First, with regard to our daughter, I simply interjected a question. There was no intent to harm you with that question. “What is more important, this money or a distraught daughter?” (note: I don’t remember the exact words at the moment) I was not angry or upset. I had just stepped in to enable A to assert herself. I did not demean you in any way. When we stepped into the other room I told you that I thought it was abusive to not respond to a crying child. (I need to deviate from plan here.) So, look at that in yourself. You have the key, you understand that your parents did not give you that. It is in you. Find it.
I’m not going to bother with the job loss thing except to say that is the way I am wired. If I have emotional stress, I sometimes need to stop and deal with it. I have reported to you that I have misjudged the situation. This morning I am again dealing with this rather than doing other things. There may be consequences. That is the way it is. Consider the possibility that life is exactly as it should be.
You keep bring this one up, “particularly the time you hauled me out of bed intoxicated,” like you imagine it is some sort of trump card. Even if what you describe was what happened I would not see it as a problem. There is nothing right or wrong about what you describe. There was no beating or hitting no one was hurt. However, as I have said before what you describe is not what happened. Yes, I was intoxicated, yes, I came to you sleeping and shook you awake demanding that you talk to me. But, it was you that swung out at me. In reaction, I grabbed your arm and backed away pulling on you in the process. I then let your arm go. Since you were asleep, I can understand that may have had a different perception of what happened. So what is that about?
I am truly sorry about the stress in our lives. I am not about fighting it. I am about going with it. The truth is that the Life enjoys it all. I am not holding on to you. If you don’t want this please feel free to go. As I said in the journal the only one I feel any obligation to is our daughter. I love you and I believe you love me or you would have left long ago. I used to have some belief about it being my job to exorcise your demons, but that is gone. I can support you and love you as me. I cannot plug into the best way to do it for you. I am sure that it is only myth that anyone can do that for another. Only the willing heal.
r.s.
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