Fic: First Lessons, GEN, G

[redbyrd_sgfic]

Okay, this was a commentfic! Just a two-minute commentfic I was going to post on my lunch hour. It's all sg_fignewton's fault. That and my complete inability to drabble. *goes back to work muttering

Comments

[sg_fignewton]

Oh, Redbyrd, lovely!

A reasonable explanation of why they didn't leave - and very much in character for Drey'auc, who later dies rather than let another die in her place. And Ry'ac really did come nicely to life here.

But - and I'm sorry, since that wasn't your intention! - Bra'tac completely took over this fic with his awesomeness. I can't say I'm sorry. It's probably not your fault; any story with Bra'tac in it is bound to be overwhelmed. :)

Lovely conversation between Ry'ac and Bra'tac. I love how Bra'tac talks to him as an adult, yet explains things clearly enough for him to understand.

One question: didn't Drey'auc actually tell Ry'ac that Teal'c was dead, not that he'd fled Chulak?

Very nice all round. And thank you for the lovely gift! :)

[redbyrd_sgfic]

You're welcome *g*.

And I really don't mind Bra'tac taking over- you're perfectly right, he's terrific. (Not to mention really relieved that Ry'ac turned out to be malleable enough to go along with the secret as opposed to him being forced to do something he'd really rather not contemplate.)

Hmm- you're right, Drey'auc does tell Ry'ac that Teal'c was dead, and I should account for that somehow. *pause for quick re-edit* Okay, that's a bit better. It's really quite a challenge to write a viewpoint for a character this young. This was really probably too new to post, but it was so timely I couldn't resist! No guarantees I won't go back and edit bits of it in a day or two!

[sg_fignewton]

Heh. I sometimes go back and obsessively edit tiny bits of fic weeks or months after I've posted them! The fix is seamless.

BTW, aren't you on SG1 Debrief's list? Because I just did my tagging, and while my own rec for this little fic of yours showed up on the list, the fic itself did not.

[redbyrd_sgfic]

Hmm? I keep meaning to check out SG1 Debrief, but I've not managed to make it over there year. So, probably not.

[aurora_novarum]

Whee! This was so great! I loved the Jaffa culture setting, and I thought Rya'c's pov was spot on. Drey'auc was just all kinds of awesome. And of course, Bra'tac always is. :-)

[aelfgyfu_mead]

That's something you just tossed off like a comment fic? Dang!

Bra'tac rules (as always). I can see him steamrolling Ry'ac; the kid doesn't have a chance. (Are Jaffa apostrophes really random, or is it just me?)

I too like the explanation of why Drey'auc won't go. It didn't make a whole lot of sense in the episode.

[redbyrd_sgfic]

No, no, not like a comment fic. You can't put 2300 words in a comment. It *started* as a comment fic, but LJ does not supply a shoehorn tool. Nor does making the text smaller do anything useful. I broke down about the point Ry'ac runs into Bra'tac in the woods and moved it to the word processor.

(I of course conscientiously wrote it only during my official breaks and lunch time, and did not keep opening it back up all morning to fling in another paragraph here or there which I wasn't thinking of at all while doing incredibly tedious paperwork. Nope, not me.)

I don't know about Jaffa apostrophes, mine are likely to turn up anywhere. I'm a fast typist, not an accurate one. *looks suspiciously at text for wandering punctuation*

Yeah, why leave Drey'auc and Ry'ac there- that's kind of a puzzler. I have to wonder if maybe there wasn't originally a scene where Teal'c and Drey'auc talk about it, which didn't make the final cut of the ep.

But hey, this is what I live for- has word-processor, will fix canon for FB...*g*.

[aelfgyfu_mead]

Very conscientious! And, of course, none of us is discussing this on work time.

I think you should make that last line into a LOL Cat:
i haz word processer
[picture of cat at computer]
will fix kanon

[loriel_eris]

Very cool! I like this. *g* And I especially like that Ry'ac isn't (by the end) still all pissy with his father.

Also? Totally not comment fic. ;p

[redbyrd_sgfic]

Yeah, I thought that Ry'ac probably didn't develop that attitude until he was an annoying teenager. We don't have a lot to work with, actually- he's unconscious for most of Bloodlines, brainwashed for all of Family Ties, and then we don't see him again until S6. I don't think at this point he was ever really pissy- more confused and upset. This is only a few months after COTG, so he hasn't really had time for the reality of the consequences of what Teal'c did to sink in

[beatrice_otter]

Well, when you get a plot to put with it, it sounds like it could be a great story!

You could do it as a character-piece rather than as a plot-piece; maybe a series of vignettes from Drey'auc's POV through the years.

[redbyrd_sgfic]

Not you too! No feeding the plot bunnies! I have enough WIPs I need to finish. Argh!

Please go join sg_fignewton and aurora_novarum in the Evil Enabler corner. *g*

[maychorian]

What a lovely fic! There just isn't enough about the Jaffa. And you draw them all very well, right now to the tiniest details, like how the bread is better with honey but they haven't been able to have it for awhile.

Ry'ac is especially good--how he thinks like a child, still, about impressing his friends. But he's also determined to be a warrior and to follow in his father's footsteps, even while being upset that Teal'c left.

Completely believable, and good, and just, well, just right.

To me, this is canon.

[redbyrd_sgfic]

The Jaffa are rather difficult- in part because the canon is not always consistent. And children are just as alien (at least to me!) so, I'm doubly pleased with this. Thank you!