feeeedback'n.
The replies to Te's comment-answering poll have made me feel a lot better about my feedback neuroses.
I haven't been giving feedback at *all* since... at least December last year, maybe earlier, and by mid-December I had stopped reading stuff altogether. I'm better now, and am slowly dipping my toes back into the shallow end of the fandom pool.
Still, I'm a lousy feedbacker at the best of times. It may seems weird to some, but it's often stressful for me. So I like getting responses, but I don't hold it against folks who don't answer their feedback- assuming that they make it clear they do *want* feedback and aren't the type that's offended by "Yay! I liked this!" comments, because those people make me nervous as hell. I don't mind getting just a "thank you!" in reply, or if a reply is late in coming, or someone replies to the first few comments and not the later ones, (as long as it's not *just* mine. Then I get nervous). I can totally understand how even just variations on "Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!" can be too much to handle. I try to answer all of mine, but sometimes I don't, and I hope people don't think less of me for it.
When I give feedback, it's to make the author happy. (Well, except when it's not. But this is about times when it is.) I like replies to my feedback because it lets me know that I achieved that, that I didn't say anything irredeemably stupid (or if I did, the author is kind enough not to let me know). The last thing I want to do is stress out an author. So, while I really *enjoy* when people respond, I don't ever want anyone to worry that I'll be upset or offended if you don't. I may ask to make sure LJ didn't eat it, or if I'm worried I might have said something dumb, but I won't get upset. (Unless you say "No, I just didn't respond to your comment because you suck." Then I would be sad. Or "Oh god, you misread the story in precisely the way I feared it would be misread, and I didn't answer because I was too busy sobbing into a pillow," and then I would be mortified.)
Part of getting past my neuroses is learning to trust that no, people are probably not constantly critically judging me by every bit of feedback I leave. If I leave a short "yay!" comment, the author doesn't think I'm a moron or "fanbrat". (I really hate that word. And if they do, I shouldn't care about their opinion, because seriously. That's just rude.). If I misread something, the author is not going to think I'm a total idiot. (and if they do, so what? I'll live.) and a lack of response doesn't mean I've sent the author into a spiral of insecurity and crying jags. (and if I do... oh, god. Just don't tell me. I mean, I guess you can tell me, if you need to. I didn't mean to, I swear! My brain doesn't work right!)
And- I think most people understand this, but for my peace of mind: the length of a comment is not necessarily proportional to how much I liked a story. It's much more dependent on how I feel at the time. So I may read two stories that I really love, and leave in-depth feedback on one, and a two sentence "whee! this is good!" on the other, because when I read the first one I had more energy. Most people I've asked have said they do appreciate just squee, and a lot of times for me it's a choice between that or "I'll respond... later" and then I don't. If for some reason you *want* my thoughts on a particular element, you can ask, although I can't promise that my thoughts are deep. (Not that I think people are really *deeply invested* in what I think of their story, but. Just in case!) And if I misread something and it upsets you- look, it's probably not you, it's me. Or maybe it's you, and- well, you win some, you lose some, and it doesn't mean you're a bad writer, or even that it's a bad story. Better luck next time. But you can assume it's me if it helps! I don't mind.
(apparently this week is a week for writing long treatises on my neuroses! gah.
This was actually meant to be an short aside on a longer post about the *other* discussion that's coming around again. *snort* Save that one for later, I guess.)
I haven't been giving feedback at *all* since... at least December last year, maybe earlier, and by mid-December I had stopped reading stuff altogether. I'm better now, and am slowly dipping my toes back into the shallow end of the fandom pool.
Still, I'm a lousy feedbacker at the best of times. It may seems weird to some, but it's often stressful for me. So I like getting responses, but I don't hold it against folks who don't answer their feedback- assuming that they make it clear they do *want* feedback and aren't the type that's offended by "Yay! I liked this!" comments, because those people make me nervous as hell. I don't mind getting just a "thank you!" in reply, or if a reply is late in coming, or someone replies to the first few comments and not the later ones, (as long as it's not *just* mine. Then I get nervous). I can totally understand how even just variations on "Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!" can be too much to handle. I try to answer all of mine, but sometimes I don't, and I hope people don't think less of me for it.
When I give feedback, it's to make the author happy. (Well, except when it's not. But this is about times when it is.) I like replies to my feedback because it lets me know that I achieved that, that I didn't say anything irredeemably stupid (or if I did, the author is kind enough not to let me know). The last thing I want to do is stress out an author. So, while I really *enjoy* when people respond, I don't ever want anyone to worry that I'll be upset or offended if you don't. I may ask to make sure LJ didn't eat it, or if I'm worried I might have said something dumb, but I won't get upset. (Unless you say "No, I just didn't respond to your comment because you suck." Then I would be sad. Or "Oh god, you misread the story in precisely the way I feared it would be misread, and I didn't answer because I was too busy sobbing into a pillow," and then I would be mortified.)
Part of getting past my neuroses is learning to trust that no, people are probably not constantly critically judging me by every bit of feedback I leave. If I leave a short "yay!" comment, the author doesn't think I'm a moron or "fanbrat". (I really hate that word. And if they do, I shouldn't care about their opinion, because seriously. That's just rude.). If I misread something, the author is not going to think I'm a total idiot. (and if they do, so what? I'll live.) and a lack of response doesn't mean I've sent the author into a spiral of insecurity and crying jags. (and if I do... oh, god. Just don't tell me. I mean, I guess you can tell me, if you need to. I didn't mean to, I swear! My brain doesn't work right!)
And- I think most people understand this, but for my peace of mind: the length of a comment is not necessarily proportional to how much I liked a story. It's much more dependent on how I feel at the time. So I may read two stories that I really love, and leave in-depth feedback on one, and a two sentence "whee! this is good!" on the other, because when I read the first one I had more energy. Most people I've asked have said they do appreciate just squee, and a lot of times for me it's a choice between that or "I'll respond... later" and then I don't. If for some reason you *want* my thoughts on a particular element, you can ask, although I can't promise that my thoughts are deep. (Not that I think people are really *deeply invested* in what I think of their story, but. Just in case!) And if I misread something and it upsets you- look, it's probably not you, it's me. Or maybe it's you, and- well, you win some, you lose some, and it doesn't mean you're a bad writer, or even that it's a bad story. Better luck next time. But you can assume it's me if it helps! I don't mind.
(apparently this week is a week for writing long treatises on my neuroses! gah.
This was actually meant to be an short aside on a longer post about the *other* discussion that's coming around again. *snort* Save that one for later, I guess.)