just... yeah.
track meet monday:
2nd vs. AC
4th vs hammonton
Michelle beat me. i needed height. the wind was helpful if had height. i needed height.
then to work. its secret. i worked from 6-9. i work again thurs the same. i will be manager next year. i can close out the register, settle the credit cards. i already know what i am doing. i make good tips. harry and mel came to visit but didnt talk to me. no cell phones. everything is clean. when im bored, i can clean. i already am on my own. i dont see her. she isnt in the window, or by the counter, isnt crying into my shoulder, im not telling her everything will be ok. i am me. its a secret. this is mine.
someone told my dad. he didnt kno. i wasnt planning on telling him. my mom knew from earlier in the day. i covered for her. dad, she didnt know. he is upset. how could i do that without talking to my parents at least the one who actually cares what is going on in my life. but my life isnt on the tv or in the games. i walk past you. u sleep or stare into the tv. im late. yell at me. im sorry. they knew i had a new job. harry knows why. i dont think u will understand. i have no reason to be upset. im fine.
i just dont know any more. im so tired. harry and i are better now. we fought. we made up. were better. for now. i just dont know. yeah. idk.
i want to go play in the rain...run around. ur legs nad body go numb after a while, the wind stops slicing through u. 2 xc seasons ago i ran my best time. it was my last. i want to make myself do it again. u go numb after a while, but when u stop, it all floods in. each period of relief is just torture building up to be realeased with the next trigger.
2nd vs. AC
4th vs hammonton
Michelle beat me. i needed height. the wind was helpful if had height. i needed height.
then to work. its secret. i worked from 6-9. i work again thurs the same. i will be manager next year. i can close out the register, settle the credit cards. i already know what i am doing. i make good tips. harry and mel came to visit but didnt talk to me. no cell phones. everything is clean. when im bored, i can clean. i already am on my own. i dont see her. she isnt in the window, or by the counter, isnt crying into my shoulder, im not telling her everything will be ok. i am me. its a secret. this is mine.
someone told my dad. he didnt kno. i wasnt planning on telling him. my mom knew from earlier in the day. i covered for her. dad, she didnt know. he is upset. how could i do that without talking to my parents at least the one who actually cares what is going on in my life. but my life isnt on the tv or in the games. i walk past you. u sleep or stare into the tv. im late. yell at me. im sorry. they knew i had a new job. harry knows why. i dont think u will understand. i have no reason to be upset. im fine.
i just dont know any more. im so tired. harry and i are better now. we fought. we made up. were better. for now. i just dont know. yeah. idk.
i want to go play in the rain...run around. ur legs nad body go numb after a while, the wind stops slicing through u. 2 xc seasons ago i ran my best time. it was my last. i want to make myself do it again. u go numb after a while, but when u stop, it all floods in. each period of relief is just torture building up to be realeased with the next trigger.