Blue
I wish I could switch this stinky blue mood off. I've not been myself for several weeks now. It sucks really. I'm running my best, things at work aren't bad; I love being in charge; my boss has acknowledged my hard work; and, although, I have minor aches and pains, I'm in relatively good health. However, this depressive mood is there. Just sitting there, on the brim, ready to spill over. I wish I could simply switch it off!!
I knew it was coming when I couldn't sleep for more than 5 hours. I made the best of it, though. I got out of bed and tried to be productive: I cleaned, washed dishes, went to the gym, and I even made a point of getting to work 30 minutes early. I was actually quite proud of myself for turning something negative into something positive. Slowly this pattern of insomnia wore off and my little body became exhausted enough to knock out for a good 12 hours. Oh, sleep, how wonderful that first night of deep sleep was!
However, I long for the days of insomnia. Now the blue phase has set. My humor, on the most part, is gone. I seek to be alone. The excitement - the silliness- of things is gone. I'll never hurt myself, that I am positive of, no worries there. But, I wait for this phase to fade and to return to me. I have Rita Mae Brown in my corner, she's always an easy comfort and source of laughter.
I hope writing about this stinky state will evaporate it. Right? Depression thrives on its silent hold on the self? But, once it's exposed....it shrinks like balls in cold water.
I knew it was coming when I couldn't sleep for more than 5 hours. I made the best of it, though. I got out of bed and tried to be productive: I cleaned, washed dishes, went to the gym, and I even made a point of getting to work 30 minutes early. I was actually quite proud of myself for turning something negative into something positive. Slowly this pattern of insomnia wore off and my little body became exhausted enough to knock out for a good 12 hours. Oh, sleep, how wonderful that first night of deep sleep was!
However, I long for the days of insomnia. Now the blue phase has set. My humor, on the most part, is gone. I seek to be alone. The excitement - the silliness- of things is gone. I'll never hurt myself, that I am positive of, no worries there. But, I wait for this phase to fade and to return to me. I have Rita Mae Brown in my corner, she's always an easy comfort and source of laughter.
I hope writing about this stinky state will evaporate it. Right? Depression thrives on its silent hold on the self? But, once it's exposed....it shrinks like balls in cold water.