I'm going to take two quizzes for my online class and then I'm going to tell you about my mom reading my fanfiction and why it's Twilight's fault.

Stay tuned.

.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. Re,
2. Sammy
3. Renee

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. A red tee with wonder woman on the front,
2. Black micro fiber boy-shorts,

Upon leaving one of the two-hundred local Starbucks in my area, mom samples my iced coffee.

Mom: Oh, my god. It's like an animal that was sugar free took a dump in my mouth.

Me: Pfff. I like my women like I like my coffee -

Mom: Cold and bitter?

Me: Those are the bitches for me.

.

Context: bluejeanius and I discussing recently posted images of ourselves (I was telling her how incredibly goddamn sweet her Miss Martian costume was).

bluejeanius: Mandy and I were commenting about how really, we've only seen your boobs and the picture you posted was the first time we've seen your face XD

Me: AHAHA

Me: GOD

bluejeanius: yeah, the first thing I've seen of ( Read more... )

Ladies and gentlemen (and individuals of a non-binary gender persuasion) an announcement ( Read more... )

It's a stressful day little fangirls. You got family visiting. Some of them are probably awesome. Some of them are probably dicks. I have a sweet boozy balm for this burning irritant of familial obligation...

Really Easy Rumcake

What You Need For the Cake2 cups chopped pecans or walnuts - optional though I highly suggest it. Add some protein to ( Read more... )

Just got home from six and a half hours of sitting in the maternity ward at the hospital. The Sister in Law called us around noon with pretty much the scariest announcement ever; "Something went 'gush' in my pants ( Read more... )

Some say that dire situations are the thresholds of self discovery, that only extreme conditions can reveal once and for all whether one is made up of a soft chewy center or cold hard victory. Those situations are usually survivalist in nature, sometimes involving being trapped in a car in a blizzard for a week or clinging to a bloated corpse in ( Read more... )

Brother: You freak me out.

Me: That's not news. Call me when I turn you on.

*I think he started to cry, but I honestly can't be sure since mom happened to hit me pretty hard just then.*

.

Professor Monkey: *in mid rant* I mean, what do any of you really need laptops for? I see you guys with them all the time, and there's no way you little heathens are actually writing what I'm saying - so what are you doing? Huh? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ( Read more... )