Iiight yo...
I just had the Blackeyed peas with snaps and a veggie dog. That meal was suppose to be about 220-230 calories...idr
anyways. I know for a fact I had less than that because, the beans had mostly this sludgy stuff in the can which was squished beans. I drained as much as I could of it and when i was done there was more sluddy stuff so really the dinner turned out to be about 190-200 calories.
Not to mention I feel full!
So that's great for me.
today I had around 340-350 calories.
better than yesterday only because me and mother went out for breakfast today and I had a fruit bowl
Tomorrow I'm going to have strawberry Special K with lite soymilk=160. Small salad with nuts and spray dressing= 50. And a can of low fat Vegetable Barley soup and a Boca burger= 210
So that will be arounf 400- 420 calories. I'm not entirely sure how many calories are in the small salad with nuts and spray dressing so I might be over or under guessing it. Who knows!
I am very curious to know how much I weigh, but I know me...If I weigh myself then I'll get re-obsessed with weighing myself every few hours every day and panic when I gain water weight and binge and gain fat weight and then get morbidly depressed and blah blah blah...NO! Not again. It's what always brought me down. I don't know when I'll weigh myself exactly. I planned on waiting all the way till New Years. This way, I'll have to wait a few months and so the number will have went down dramatically since the last time I checked. And then I will wait 6 months later If I haven't reached my Ultimate Goal Weight the first weigh in, which I know I won't. It seems rediculous but it really is all for the better. I just hope I don't slip up when I weigh in and try weighing myself constantly again.
My plan for the holiday meals.... Gosh. I really don't know what to do about that. But since those are months from now, wouldn't my body be used to eatting smaller meals and I wouldn't really feel the urge to binge then? Maybe I can purge just those days to ensure I gain nothing...but would I gain alot just from those meals? I don't know. I guess I wouldn't even know I gained weight if I did... But whenever I have allowed myself a Veggie Burger from Burger King for one dinner for one night or Cheetos for a snack when I'm starving and there is nothing left in the house, something in my head ticks and then I binge on the most fattening things! And then I realize what I'm doing and I don't even stop so I'm thinking to myself "who gives a fuck anymore. I'm just fine!" and then I see I gained weight from that explosive binge and I get upset adn want to die and eat...
I don't know what to do... Maybe I can pretend I'm really really sick and stock up on the vegan soups before hand so noone will think it's odd I only pick at normal food and only have vegan soup which is glamorously low caloried! AND soup is what sick people eat so that's just perfect.
I think I should start having some vinegar every night to boost my metabolism too.