(no subject)
it's time to turn my life around.
i don't know if this is really that much of a shocker.. but..
i'm sick. i've relapsed. i've slipped again. i was doing so well since the last time i relapsed, but i can't let this keep happening..i've done a great job of hiding all of my problems. but i'm letting the cat out of the bag and reaching out to friends and family so that i can live my life without these issues i have. i've been struggling with bulimia since i was about 12 years old. it's the most disgusting thing a person can do to themselves. it makes me a horrible person. i need to find other ways to deal with my issues. healthy ways. i need to redirect my negative thoughts and stop taking them out on myself. i want to be healthy, happy and in charge of my life. and i can do that. i just need to want it more.
no more diet pills
no more food binges
no more laxatives
no more alcohol binges
no more secret eating
absolutely no more purging
no more telling myself what i can and cannot eat
no more lying about what i've eaten or if i've eaten or any of that
no more of any of these bad tendencies.
i need to become a better person. i look and feel like crap. my teeth are discusting, my hair doesn't grow like it used to, my skin is a mess, i'm constipated, i have horrible stomach pains, my glands are always swollen, my weight fluctuations between 5 and 10 pounds a week. rapid weight gain and loss. i'm tired far too often. i feel sick when i eat a normal meal. i talk about weight and food far too often. i look in the mirror far too often. i worry. i'm constantly worried. all the time.
i don't want to live like this anymore. this is a serious issue. a horrible secret i've been keeping. i need help. i've been to a hospital for this before. i did really well afterwards. i relapsed before.. but i pulled myself out of it. i can do it again. i need to make a real lifestyle change. if i don't do this i am going to live my whole life wrong. i don't want my entire life to be one big eating disorder crisis. because that's what it is. i want to be the girl i am behind the eating disorder.
i don't know if this is really that much of a shocker.. but..
i'm sick. i've relapsed. i've slipped again. i was doing so well since the last time i relapsed, but i can't let this keep happening..i've done a great job of hiding all of my problems. but i'm letting the cat out of the bag and reaching out to friends and family so that i can live my life without these issues i have. i've been struggling with bulimia since i was about 12 years old. it's the most disgusting thing a person can do to themselves. it makes me a horrible person. i need to find other ways to deal with my issues. healthy ways. i need to redirect my negative thoughts and stop taking them out on myself. i want to be healthy, happy and in charge of my life. and i can do that. i just need to want it more.
no more diet pills
no more food binges
no more laxatives
no more alcohol binges
no more secret eating
absolutely no more purging
no more telling myself what i can and cannot eat
no more lying about what i've eaten or if i've eaten or any of that
no more of any of these bad tendencies.
i need to become a better person. i look and feel like crap. my teeth are discusting, my hair doesn't grow like it used to, my skin is a mess, i'm constipated, i have horrible stomach pains, my glands are always swollen, my weight fluctuations between 5 and 10 pounds a week. rapid weight gain and loss. i'm tired far too often. i feel sick when i eat a normal meal. i talk about weight and food far too often. i look in the mirror far too often. i worry. i'm constantly worried. all the time.
i don't want to live like this anymore. this is a serious issue. a horrible secret i've been keeping. i need help. i've been to a hospital for this before. i did really well afterwards. i relapsed before.. but i pulled myself out of it. i can do it again. i need to make a real lifestyle change. if i don't do this i am going to live my whole life wrong. i don't want my entire life to be one big eating disorder crisis. because that's what it is. i want to be the girl i am behind the eating disorder.