fuckfuckfuck
My life is currently a horrible piece of shit.
I'm scared, honestly really scared. I can't go to classes because I'm avoiding my professors. It's so hard, impossible, to confront them. I'm not a person who cries, but this semester I've cried, and goddamn it, I'm crying now. Nothing makes sense anymore. I have a plan, but that plan doesn't start until next semester. I have no idea how to go about living tomorrow, next week, or next month. I've been popping antacids like M&Ms, I think I might be getting ulcers. My stomach shakes a lot. If I hadn't suppressed this whole identity crisis last semester, I wouldn't be in this fucking mess now. Why can't I listen to myself? I've really been supressing this identity crisis for years. I can't believe I've wasted this much of my life on this.
And it's still over a week to my first counseling session. I can't fix this myself. I want a wand to poof the last month out of history, so I can go back and THINK about my situation. Instead, time moves foward while I stand still, paralyzed with fear. I want a blanket so heavy I can't move.
I'm scared, honestly really scared. I can't go to classes because I'm avoiding my professors. It's so hard, impossible, to confront them. I'm not a person who cries, but this semester I've cried, and goddamn it, I'm crying now. Nothing makes sense anymore. I have a plan, but that plan doesn't start until next semester. I have no idea how to go about living tomorrow, next week, or next month. I've been popping antacids like M&Ms, I think I might be getting ulcers. My stomach shakes a lot. If I hadn't suppressed this whole identity crisis last semester, I wouldn't be in this fucking mess now. Why can't I listen to myself? I've really been supressing this identity crisis for years. I can't believe I've wasted this much of my life on this.
And it's still over a week to my first counseling session. I can't fix this myself. I want a wand to poof the last month out of history, so I can go back and THINK about my situation. Instead, time moves foward while I stand still, paralyzed with fear. I want a blanket so heavy I can't move.