trying to stay awake..
tonight was alright. i've had better. but at least i got to see my best friend perform in her dance show :] that was cute. i also got to see my OLD best friend perform too.. which was even more interesting. but awe, she's just as cute as she always was. it's too bad that she became so.. fake.. or.. i don't even know. she has like, plastic blonde hair with dark hair underneath (typical), and she's got a fake tan, but like, the horrid kind where you can totally tell.. and her make-up was soo dark, it made me sad to see her that way. i wonder why she is the way she is. i mean, i haven't seen her or talked to her in over two or three years, so it's quite weird seeing her now. like seeing her tonight was so weird. i can't explain. and the even MORE weird part about tonight was that her parents were sitting RIGHT behind me and my sister, and i wanted to turn around and say something, like, cos i used to be best friends with her, right? like shouldn't i say hello to her parents? that seemed somewhat nice or like, polite, i guess? but i couldn't, for the life of me, remember her mother's name! i KNOW it's pam.. or pat. ugh. if i could have just remembered.. i wouldn't have felt so stupid! i know her dad's name is kale. i should've just said "mr. messier? it's me.. stefani williams.. remember? kailynne and i used to be really good friends, and i'd always hang out with her in eighth grade. i'm not sure if you remember.." haha. that's what i wanted to say so bad! but then the show started and i couldn't find them afterwards, so whatever. but jordan told kailynne that i say hi. so i guess it all works out in the end, doesn't it?
i'm just waiting here. hah. there's nothing i can do other than go on the computer at night. i suppose i could read, but i'm like, falling asleep, and if i read then i'll just doze off even faster, cos it takes me to like, this sort of la-la-land state where i can't focus on anything else but what i'm reading, and then i start day-dreaming. i don't know. all i know is that i'm just trying to stay up, and this is what i chose to do to keep the time flying.
it's not like any one reads these thoroughly any way. no one knows me the way i know me. and i don't think any one would want to know me the way i know me. cos i'm pretty psycho. i honestly believe that i could be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. because i'm up and i'm down, i'm up and i'm down. and all around. and i'm happy then sad then angry then happy again. and i can never seem to keep up with myself. and then i regret things and then i don't, then i believe things and then i won't. it's the weirdest thing. i'm truly convinced that i have a disorder. and no one believes me, but i believe me. but then sometimes i don't. trust me, you don't want to know.
but right now, i'm annoyed.
but i'm happy at the same time.
so there's yet another contradiction for you.
i'm telling you, i wouldn't like me if i met me.
i'm just waiting here. hah. there's nothing i can do other than go on the computer at night. i suppose i could read, but i'm like, falling asleep, and if i read then i'll just doze off even faster, cos it takes me to like, this sort of la-la-land state where i can't focus on anything else but what i'm reading, and then i start day-dreaming. i don't know. all i know is that i'm just trying to stay up, and this is what i chose to do to keep the time flying.
it's not like any one reads these thoroughly any way. no one knows me the way i know me. and i don't think any one would want to know me the way i know me. cos i'm pretty psycho. i honestly believe that i could be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. because i'm up and i'm down, i'm up and i'm down. and all around. and i'm happy then sad then angry then happy again. and i can never seem to keep up with myself. and then i regret things and then i don't, then i believe things and then i won't. it's the weirdest thing. i'm truly convinced that i have a disorder. and no one believes me, but i believe me. but then sometimes i don't. trust me, you don't want to know.
but right now, i'm annoyed.
but i'm happy at the same time.
so there's yet another contradiction for you.
i'm telling you, i wouldn't like me if i met me.