deep in thought . . . .
this is to the guy --
that the first time i ever laid eyes on you, i wanted to know you.
i just had this feeling that i wanted to be with you.
then, one night, we formerly met at a party.
we hit it off right away, and i couldn't wait to hang out with you again.
so we did just that; we hung out quite a few times.
you told me that you wanted to kiss me after the first time we hung out, but you thought it would come off as rude.
you would call me or text me in the middle of the night just to tell me how much you missed me.
then came the amazing night that we shared together - the one i will never forget..
we made even more plans to continue what we had.
then things eventually fell apart.
you told me that you just wanted to be friends, and that you started to like an old ex of your's.
i cried over all that.
months later, we told each other that what we had prior to that felt so right; it seemed perfect.
we were just unsure as to what we wanted, at that time.
so we thought about giving it another shot..
but that never worked out.
we randomly kept in touch and told each other we missed each other and the old times.
there was even that one stormy night over the summer when you wanted me to come over and to spend the night with you.
i was even willing to drop everything that i was doing, just to come see you.
but then you told me that you had gotten to thinking about us too much, and that you didn't think it would be a good idea if we did that..so we didn't.
you always played with my emotions and you always set me up, just to let me fall.
you always made it seem like we were going to get back together..but we never did.
all the times that i have seen you, i cannot help but think about you and what we had -- the memories, the laughs, the smiles, the days and nights in your dorm, the conversations, everything..even the tears..
i've dealt with all this for just less than a year now.
i seriously liked you and had feelings for you..
ever since what we originally had, i have never been able to actually let myself fall for and develop feelings for another guy.
my emotions and my ability to let myself fall for a guy has all been messed up.
it drives me crazy sometimes..
i just wanted to say thank you for that....