i'm still alive . . . .
first things first -- my 20th birthday is in exactly 2 weeks from today!! :) i'm kind of excited for it lol.
soooo it's been awhile.. i'm still around, if anyone cares. life has been pretty..hmm..idk..scattered lately.
can't really complain, though. at some times life is just so amazing..and then at other times it's just so blah and boring.
+for most of you that don't know, i got my haircut like a month and a half ago. it's really sweet and all short in the back, and longer in the front and it gets shorter as it goes back. i don't think that many people know, because i haven't really seen a lot of people..
+school is pretty good. i enjoy most of my classes. and i love how i'm getting super close with this one friend in my broadcast copywriting class. he has expressed that he has an interest in me, and we're going to start hanging out.
i could use a nice change like that. he's such a sweet, genuine guy. so we'll see where that goes..
+i recently learned that a friend, a girl who has been my so-called "best friend" since we were two years old, had gone behind my back.
she knew that i was kind of interested in this one guy friend of mine, that i would randomly see and hang out with from time-to-time. and i deliberately told her to stay away from him, and not to try anything with him, because i had an interest in him. i pretty much just told her that i would appreciate it if she wouldn't try to get involved, or whatever.
and she knew that it seemed like we were both interested in each other. she saw the way we were with each other, and the way we acted when we were together.
but of course, with her being her, and always wanting to get what she wanted..she started hanging out with him, and never told me.
i don't know if she was jealous of me or of me and him, or what, but she did make it seem like that, at first.
but i still trusted her. and i never thought she would have done that. and i assumed she never would, because it's kind of like some unwritten rule that if your friend is interested in someone, then you stay away from that person. kind of like, in a way, that they're unavailable.
but nope. i even found out from him one night last week, that all that was going on. we were texting and he randomly told me that he was hanging out with her. and i was just like "oh word" and i stopped talking to him. but i could not believe she would do that! and knowing her, i bet it's more than just "hanging out."
and then i realized something -- me and her had made plans to hang out a couple times, like she was going to come over and chill. and she lives right across the street from me. and she would tell me that she'd be over soon, and then i'd look across the street and i would see that her car was gone, all of a sudden. and she'd never call or show up.
so i bet she was avoiding me, because she knew she was being shady and doing that shit behind my back. it really upsets me to know that a "best friend" would do that..
+i love the fact that josh and i are best friends! i have so much fun with him, and nothing ever gets boring.
it's cute that we have random sleepovers, and that he even cooks me french toast! :)
i genuinely care for the guy. but it's not like i'm in love with him. we both made it clear to each other that we're just friends, best friends. and that we're not going to date, it's just not what he wants at this time in his life. but he really does care so much for me, as a friend.
but it's kind of hard to experience all these things with him, and know that we don't have feelings for each other like that. i'm kind of sick of always ending up in those kinds of friendships/relationships, where i know it's never going to progress or go any farther. but oh well, story of my life..
who knows..maybe we'll end up together sometime down the road. it's just so hard to spend so much time with someone, and to be so close to someone, but to know that you can't be with that person, and call them your own. but i am content just being his best friend..
+between work, school, and school work, i have a limited amount of free time. but everyone knows that i am always here to talk or to hang out or whatever. i just hardly ever hear from anyone anymore. and i am the one who tries to keep in touch and spend time with as many people as i can.
i really only have a select few close people in my life, it seems. i mainly spend all my time with josh, mills, and with caitlin j here and there [not as much as i'd like]. it seems as though people have just disappeared. like, what has happened to the people i call my "best friends?"
i guess i've learned to accept that friends will come and go, and that the ones that are meant to be your friends forever, will always be in your life. i'm just sick of losing that closeness, and falling out of touch with people that used to be a huge part of my life. and i try to keep the friendships alive, and i'm just sick of trying.
the ones that are meant to be in your life, are the ones that make an effort to be there. and i guess there's only a few people like that out there..
well, that's my update on life. i'm done.
peace.