It does get better!
There he was, sitting on the table waiting for me, his smile genuine and his relaxed posture radiating a sense of peacefulness and security on the place. Perhaps it is hard to put to words what it was so special that you could see from 10 meters but he had a strong charisma indeed. Charisma only felt with men who had already been in long peace with themselves and been so long to their comfort zone. He is the second man I meet that has such an essence, a radiating soul in my 7 years of dating.
No, it wasn't an actual date. Have to say this now before anyone reads the whole article and find it out in the bottom line. It was a friendly hang out time -Not that I would have had any objection to the former status but he's already taken and his plane is leaving next week :)
The thing is, I would be crazy lying "TEET" if I denied that I did like him. I started liking him before I had a chance to see him in real. We had a chat last night.
In a closed small community like Egypt, you do know about the guy from his words, I don't know about elsewhere in the world but I do think the same rule applies. If a man starts talking about the weather for the last week, then he is trying to figure out a way to break the ice, if he only takes the time to reply curtly to your animated four-lines long statement with an interesting question in the end then he is either busy with other guy he thinks is hotter or he is not that into you and if a guy starts the conversation introducing himself, then that's the diamond in the rough! A man so relaxed with what he says and does, with few fears as to disclosing some few information and getting to the point faster.
You even know the difference between men from the way their profiles are organized on gay dating networks, for example, those who write one sentence -or in most cases just few individual words- won't be taking the whole dating issue more serious than those who already wrote some decent few information about themselves. and of course both men are way better than those who just write "Massage" sign... (Sorry! but prostitutes are not sane people's type!)
Anyway, he passed those criteria, very rare thing for an Arabic man to do. With this type of men, I rarely hesitate to say yes... You already read above: this is the second one in seven years!
Talking with him about everything is never less natural than looking in the mirror. somehow when he listens you get the feeling that he is genuinely interested. then he states his opinion about what you just said or a similar experience about the same situation. So, the conversation is rarely over, it's a productive closed circle, smiles, laughter and deep impression are its fuel and happiness is its product.
"It does get better" I whispered in myself seeing the man who had just made it to the closest thing to perfection in our given culture and circumstances.
Guys, save from the part of me wishing if he only had been more available and drawing dreams on the clouds, I feel so happy: first because I knew him and second because I do think that I am gonna be like him!
Yes, given the way I behaved in those past five years, I think I didn't do that bad. I see now the possibility of me being so in peace and perfect. right then I'd make lots of men so happy.
Tonight, there shall be no bad thoughts, no conflicts or dark glasses...
Tonight I am really over the moon. God, how much do I love being gay at such moments: it pays back all the fights I had to defend it... it gives me such happiness.
Tonight I am so happy.... Hurray!