Back to Broadband again
I still haven't quite recovered from my vacation because the last few days I ended up having a mini-breakdown. My grandmother is difficult at the best of times, but when she is ill this is doubly so because she mixes up her medication, or forgets to take it, and when you throw in full scale tortures and lots of stress and aggravation it all spiralled out of control. Mostly it was because her carer was ill and away, and my mother was busy coping with other crises so it was just me on my own for a couple of days and I just couldn't cope.
At the pinnacle of things, I was going to pieces with stress. My face had erupted into this huge red rash and I was vomiting blood (which didn't seem a particularly good sign).
I have a pretty long fuse, but my defenses were down and when I reach my limit I shatter in a spectacular way. I still haven't been able to put myself back together again.
I feel utterly emotionally exhausted, and broken. Even though my physical symptoms calmed down as soon as I got some help and relief in the house, emotionally I feel like I've been wrecked and put through the wringer and I still haven't recovered. I'm tearful all the time, I shake and I cry, and by moments I feel incapable of doing the smallest things. Like picking up the phone, and having a conversation. Eating, cooking, putting on clothes, getting up, going in to work - it all takes so much effort.
In the hereafter I lie in bed staring at the ceiling for 20 minutes because somehow I can't find the strength to move. I suppose the closest experience I can relate it to is life in the aftermath of a major physical illness and being strengthless.
I will be ok. I am just not, right now.
I worry a little about breaking down at work, but I don't worry about it much because a) crying makes me feel better b) my team are lovely and very supportive.
It will take me some time to get over things. Right now, I'm in shut-down mode where I feel like I need to pull myself into myself and just rest and cry. Get all Cancerian and retreat to my shell. I didn't think I'd crack this much. I can't keep up with my life right now, I feel overwhelmed, so I'm simply withdrawing for a while, until the shock and love/hate and anger and exhaustion and sadness process themselves through my system. rainsinger is likely to be operating a reduced and partially-incoherent service until further notice.
I'm smoking again. Because in Yug the cigs are super-cheap and the air is much cleaner and I didn't have asthma and at one point I thought I'd either occupy myself by smoking or by slashing my wrists so I picked smoking.
I will perk up I'm sure, but right now mostly I just feel defeated.
At the pinnacle of things, I was going to pieces with stress. My face had erupted into this huge red rash and I was vomiting blood (which didn't seem a particularly good sign).
I have a pretty long fuse, but my defenses were down and when I reach my limit I shatter in a spectacular way. I still haven't been able to put myself back together again.
I feel utterly emotionally exhausted, and broken. Even though my physical symptoms calmed down as soon as I got some help and relief in the house, emotionally I feel like I've been wrecked and put through the wringer and I still haven't recovered. I'm tearful all the time, I shake and I cry, and by moments I feel incapable of doing the smallest things. Like picking up the phone, and having a conversation. Eating, cooking, putting on clothes, getting up, going in to work - it all takes so much effort.
In the hereafter I lie in bed staring at the ceiling for 20 minutes because somehow I can't find the strength to move. I suppose the closest experience I can relate it to is life in the aftermath of a major physical illness and being strengthless.
I will be ok. I am just not, right now.
I worry a little about breaking down at work, but I don't worry about it much because a) crying makes me feel better b) my team are lovely and very supportive.
It will take me some time to get over things. Right now, I'm in shut-down mode where I feel like I need to pull myself into myself and just rest and cry. Get all Cancerian and retreat to my shell. I didn't think I'd crack this much. I can't keep up with my life right now, I feel overwhelmed, so I'm simply withdrawing for a while, until the shock and love/hate and anger and exhaustion and sadness process themselves through my system. rainsinger is likely to be operating a reduced and partially-incoherent service until further notice.
I'm smoking again. Because in Yug the cigs are super-cheap and the air is much cleaner and I didn't have asthma and at one point I thought I'd either occupy myself by smoking or by slashing my wrists so I picked smoking.
I will perk up I'm sure, but right now mostly I just feel defeated.