Clockwork Orange
First off, THANK YOU to everyone who has sent me warm and supportive comments/messages over the recent life stresses journalled here - I really appreciate it, although the vagaries of dial-up means I haven't had a chance to reply properly.
It is always nice to get affection and reassurance, even though nowadays most of the derogatory physical commentary i get from kin slides off me like water. What was stressing me out more was having to look after a 98 year old woman who is damn near impossible when she is ill because she refuses to rest, obey medical advice (so that's where I get it from) or take her medication, and finds fault with every single little thing that I do that had finally driven me off the edge.
I was feeling tired and stressed and unable to cope, but since then reinforcements have been called, help has been received and I feel better.
Well aside from the fact that I appear to be getting ill, since my grandmother and I seem to lobbing germs back and forth and I've spent a long day with wet feet (due to a sudden snowfall I wasn't expecting).
I spent the morning walking around a town called Pancevo (until now in my mind distinguished only by the fact that's where Z is from, and that they have a prison on their main street) with my friend, which was rather pleasant (aside from the fog and rain).
I spent a less pleasant afternoon undergoing one of the worst things in the world for me, which is an eye examination. I think I'd rather be cut open without anaesthetic than have people stick things into my eye, but stick things into my eye they did. Apparently I've got weird eyes because I have (with my glasses) excellent vision in both, although I can't do convergence (something about not being able to focus on things close up with both eyes).
They checked my intraocular pressure which frankly I hope they never do again because it was a traumatic experience from start to finish. First they put anaesthetic in each eye (which stings) and then they stick some sort of dye, and then they issue instructions like *please don't blink while I stick this blue thing into your eyeball*. Finally it did get done, and I wept yellow tears of joy which then gave me the attractive appearance of a jaundiced panda.
Ah! But these legal torments and assaults upon my person were not yet over, for the next stage was to stick more foul liquid into my eye in order to dilate the pupils (i still look like a cat) and then came more horrors as the ophtalmologist smeared some gel onto a glass thing and proceeded to adhere it to my EYEBALL and then to shine a very bright light and I struggled to not blink.
Apparently my long suffering right-eye has something wrong with it, although what that is was not precisely explained to me. There's something within the eye itself, some kind of veil which they fear could seriously impair my vision although they aren't able to explain to me what it is exactly and how I got it other than it's likely to do with the fact that my right eye is much more short sighted than my left.
In the aftermath I feel dissapointed that regardless of my huge pupils I still can't see in the dark.
Actually I can't see very well through light either, I went to the cinema tonight with a friend and the movie (Immortal, by Enki Bilal) was brilliant in as much of it as I could perceive with my left eye (my right is too sore, and has been on strike for hours).
I feel almost as traumatised as when I was a child and had to remove my contact lenses with a thing which looked like a tiny rubber plunger, and which you had to stick into your eye. It was very unnerving and has left me with unresolved feelings about plungers the world over.
It is always nice to get affection and reassurance, even though nowadays most of the derogatory physical commentary i get from kin slides off me like water. What was stressing me out more was having to look after a 98 year old woman who is damn near impossible when she is ill because she refuses to rest, obey medical advice (so that's where I get it from) or take her medication, and finds fault with every single little thing that I do that had finally driven me off the edge.
I was feeling tired and stressed and unable to cope, but since then reinforcements have been called, help has been received and I feel better.
Well aside from the fact that I appear to be getting ill, since my grandmother and I seem to lobbing germs back and forth and I've spent a long day with wet feet (due to a sudden snowfall I wasn't expecting).
I spent the morning walking around a town called Pancevo (until now in my mind distinguished only by the fact that's where Z is from, and that they have a prison on their main street) with my friend, which was rather pleasant (aside from the fog and rain).
I spent a less pleasant afternoon undergoing one of the worst things in the world for me, which is an eye examination. I think I'd rather be cut open without anaesthetic than have people stick things into my eye, but stick things into my eye they did. Apparently I've got weird eyes because I have (with my glasses) excellent vision in both, although I can't do convergence (something about not being able to focus on things close up with both eyes).
They checked my intraocular pressure which frankly I hope they never do again because it was a traumatic experience from start to finish. First they put anaesthetic in each eye (which stings) and then they stick some sort of dye, and then they issue instructions like *please don't blink while I stick this blue thing into your eyeball*. Finally it did get done, and I wept yellow tears of joy which then gave me the attractive appearance of a jaundiced panda.
Ah! But these legal torments and assaults upon my person were not yet over, for the next stage was to stick more foul liquid into my eye in order to dilate the pupils (i still look like a cat) and then came more horrors as the ophtalmologist smeared some gel onto a glass thing and proceeded to adhere it to my EYEBALL and then to shine a very bright light and I struggled to not blink.
Apparently my long suffering right-eye has something wrong with it, although what that is was not precisely explained to me. There's something within the eye itself, some kind of veil which they fear could seriously impair my vision although they aren't able to explain to me what it is exactly and how I got it other than it's likely to do with the fact that my right eye is much more short sighted than my left.
In the aftermath I feel dissapointed that regardless of my huge pupils I still can't see in the dark.
Actually I can't see very well through light either, I went to the cinema tonight with a friend and the movie (Immortal, by Enki Bilal) was brilliant in as much of it as I could perceive with my left eye (my right is too sore, and has been on strike for hours).
I feel almost as traumatised as when I was a child and had to remove my contact lenses with a thing which looked like a tiny rubber plunger, and which you had to stick into your eye. It was very unnerving and has left me with unresolved feelings about plungers the world over.