Sasori: Can call all you want but there's no one home, and you're not gonna reach my telephone.
Sasori
And sometimes I watch things I hope no one else will catch me watching.
Do you like vengeful heroines? Gruesome murders? How about literal mudwrestling in a women's prison?
This is one of the most insane, impossible, unbelievable, shamelessly exploitative movies I've ever seen, and IT DIDN'T EVEN CARE. I can only recommend it if you understand full well what you're getting into.
This is Nami.
This is Nami and her boyfriend, who contributes to the story by being shirtless and playing guitar in low-slung jeans.
This is plot.
It amuses me that he's the only one wearing pants. What dude, were you shy?
Alas, their plotty life was not to be. Nami and her boyfriend soon find themselves victim to something we all fear: evil murderous organ-harvesting pimp rapists.
They give Nami a choice: kill her boyfriend's sister, or watch as they kill him. Why the sister? Why the boyfriend's family at all? Why their house? What's their motive? These are unimportant questions, you can forget them.
Nami makes her choice.
Thrown in prison and left to rot, Nami has to fend for herself against rampant lesbian subtext in all its forms:
Friendly inmates!
Girl-on-girl mudwrestling competitions!
Even a prisoner who looks freakishly like Ueno Juri!
Hardened by prison life, Nami becomes a one-woman slaughterhouse and starts slicing, dicing, strangling, stabbing, and bashing her fellow inmates to death.
You stay classy, movie!
This is my favorite moment in 90+ minutes of bloodshed. Wet, angry, surrounded by corpses, another woman's blood dripping from her mouth, Nami opens her mouth and lets out a scream of PURE FURY. The other prisoners look at her, then each other, then bolt.
Even the warden is scared of her after that, and he leaves her outside to die...
BUT HE WASN'T COUNTING ON THE ZOMBIE SHAMAN.
The zombie shaman is a corpse collector for the prison. For no apparent reason he chooses Nami to bring back to life (...yeah) so he can teach her kung-fu (yeah...) and unleash her on the world to get her revenge (yeeeeeeeeeeeeah).
The economical killer: use corpses for punching bags, save yourself some money on gym equipment.
Without warning the movie suddenly shifts from grim brutality to neon 80s camp. Everyone fights in leather and go-go boots. Even more randomly, Nami's enemies are suddenly sword-wielding martial arts masters with a flair for theater.
For some reason this threw me more than anything else in the movie. Heroine raised from the dead? Sure! Hilarious wirework? No problem! But evil murderous organ-harvesting pimp rapists who are also swordfighters? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
You can't tell from caps, but this is when Nami grabs her ankle, swings her body like a lasso, and lets 'er fly.
Severed limbs, sliced enemies, battles on a moving truck, unnamed groups of ninjas... eventually you stop expecting it to make sense.
I leave you with the three reasons I watched this movie:
Dylan Kuo
Sexytimes
A hardcore heroine killing the shit out of motherfuckers.
And sometimes I watch things I hope no one else will catch me watching.
Do you like vengeful heroines? Gruesome murders? How about literal mudwrestling in a women's prison?
This is one of the most insane, impossible, unbelievable, shamelessly exploitative movies I've ever seen, and IT DIDN'T EVEN CARE. I can only recommend it if you understand full well what you're getting into.
This is Nami.
This is Nami and her boyfriend, who contributes to the story by being shirtless and playing guitar in low-slung jeans.
This is plot.
It amuses me that he's the only one wearing pants. What dude, were you shy?
Alas, their plotty life was not to be. Nami and her boyfriend soon find themselves victim to something we all fear: evil murderous organ-harvesting pimp rapists.
They give Nami a choice: kill her boyfriend's sister, or watch as they kill him. Why the sister? Why the boyfriend's family at all? Why their house? What's their motive? These are unimportant questions, you can forget them.
Nami makes her choice.
Thrown in prison and left to rot, Nami has to fend for herself against rampant lesbian subtext in all its forms:
Friendly inmates!
Girl-on-girl mudwrestling competitions!
Even a prisoner who looks freakishly like Ueno Juri!
Hardened by prison life, Nami becomes a one-woman slaughterhouse and starts slicing, dicing, strangling, stabbing, and bashing her fellow inmates to death.
You stay classy, movie!
This is my favorite moment in 90+ minutes of bloodshed. Wet, angry, surrounded by corpses, another woman's blood dripping from her mouth, Nami opens her mouth and lets out a scream of PURE FURY. The other prisoners look at her, then each other, then bolt.
Even the warden is scared of her after that, and he leaves her outside to die...
BUT HE WASN'T COUNTING ON THE ZOMBIE SHAMAN.
The zombie shaman is a corpse collector for the prison. For no apparent reason he chooses Nami to bring back to life (...yeah) so he can teach her kung-fu (yeah...) and unleash her on the world to get her revenge (yeeeeeeeeeeeeah).
The economical killer: use corpses for punching bags, save yourself some money on gym equipment.
Without warning the movie suddenly shifts from grim brutality to neon 80s camp. Everyone fights in leather and go-go boots. Even more randomly, Nami's enemies are suddenly sword-wielding martial arts masters with a flair for theater.
For some reason this threw me more than anything else in the movie. Heroine raised from the dead? Sure! Hilarious wirework? No problem! But evil murderous organ-harvesting pimp rapists who are also swordfighters? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
You can't tell from caps, but this is when Nami grabs her ankle, swings her body like a lasso, and lets 'er fly.
Severed limbs, sliced enemies, battles on a moving truck, unnamed groups of ninjas... eventually you stop expecting it to make sense.
I leave you with the three reasons I watched this movie: