(no subject)
last night was one of those nights. i laid awake realizing how abstract of an idea we are. well, not we, but existance. how did it all begin? how is it that we exist? why?? there's no definate beginning. but there must have been. and yet... there couldn't have been. i feel suddenly disconnected, unreal, like everything around me is a lie. i cannot begin to wrap my mind around the idea of The Beginning. everything for me is explained or explainable, but this. is. not. cause and effect, cause and effect, a chain of reactions in time and space that will impact the future... yes, i can get that. but an effect without a cause? its just unfathomable. but at one point there had to be one. being a very logic based person, how can i accept that? i don't understand... i try to accept a faith, even as a loosely based concept of a greater being, and i don't get it. i just can't find it. i know there is a very good possibility that there is a higher power, but i cant feel it. i just don't understand...