Let it Go.
For the past couple of weeks I have been dream about Matt a lot. Good dreams, bad dreams... So I kept thinking about him, and pathetically wishing and hoping that he would come back to me or be thinking about me. Last night I realized that this was very immature and pretty much impossible. So I need to let this chidlish dream go, its never going to happen, as Ive said before Im sure he is living it up and having more fun by himself then he ever did with me. Im sure he's a lot happier too. I mean we're talking about a 32 year old guy who never opens up to anyone and would say he doesnt miss or care about someone who he spent 2 years with. So why on earth would he miss or want to be back with someone he hasnt been with in almost a year. I just have to keep telling myself that any time I start to get those dumb adolesent thoughts and hopes that he might miss me.
I have lost the love of my life, and no one will ever compare. So I just settle and try not to think about it everyday, try not to think about how unhappy I am on the inside. I just push those thoughts away and keep moving forward.
So speaking of forward, my boyfriend is the biggest baby. I know hes 22 and one of the youngest guys Ive been with but my gosh! He has a bad dream and he's like a child the rest of the day, he lets the bad dreams bother him all day long, he gets all huffy and puffy and pouty like a fucking 3 year old. And to make it worse, I was getting aggrivated with the computer and kind of lashed out at him, which I know I shouldnt but anytime I get mad at him I get over it so fast and we just laugh about it. But what happened he had a bad dream about it! About me yelling at him about the stupid computer! How dumb is that! He is the dumbest guy in the world! He says and does the dumbest shit! Im already dumb enough and I like being with people that can show and teach me things, but with us its the blind leading the blinder, Shit I feel smart around him. But I try not to focus on the negative b/c I will go nuts if I do.
So thats where Im at now, just breath let it out and keep smiling and pushing forward.
I have lost the love of my life, and no one will ever compare. So I just settle and try not to think about it everyday, try not to think about how unhappy I am on the inside. I just push those thoughts away and keep moving forward.
So speaking of forward, my boyfriend is the biggest baby. I know hes 22 and one of the youngest guys Ive been with but my gosh! He has a bad dream and he's like a child the rest of the day, he lets the bad dreams bother him all day long, he gets all huffy and puffy and pouty like a fucking 3 year old. And to make it worse, I was getting aggrivated with the computer and kind of lashed out at him, which I know I shouldnt but anytime I get mad at him I get over it so fast and we just laugh about it. But what happened he had a bad dream about it! About me yelling at him about the stupid computer! How dumb is that! He is the dumbest guy in the world! He says and does the dumbest shit! Im already dumb enough and I like being with people that can show and teach me things, but with us its the blind leading the blinder, Shit I feel smart around him. But I try not to focus on the negative b/c I will go nuts if I do.
So thats where Im at now, just breath let it out and keep smiling and pushing forward.