001

[raepxcake]

Name: Orochimaru
Age: 35
Position: Chef
What have you been doing while the store has been closed? Not that it's any of your business, but I've been working part-time at the herpetology center at the local zoo. They didn't want me to work out in front, where people would actually see me.  I can't imagine why; I look absolutely stunning for my age

Comments

[bloodwithcoffee]

...All that being said, you're not coming back right?

[raepxcake]

Of course I'm coming back, you crazy little man. I missed all of you so, so very much.

Didn't you miss me too, Hidan?

[bloodwithcoffee]

Well fuck. How much, exactly, did you miss us?

[raepxcake]

More than you know, Hidan. I gave each one of the feeder rats one of your names till I had my own little cafe with me.

and then I fed them to the snakes. A tragedy, of course.

[cup_of_smex]

....

[raepxcake]

Glad to see you too, gorgeous ♥

[cup_of_smex]

Can't say the same for you.

[raepxcake]

Pity. When you start getting old and wrinkly and have nothing left to distract people from that empty pit you call a personality, I was going to share my beauty secrets with you. ♥

[cake_is_a_bang]

Your snake got out?! Fuck, I'm glad I don't live anywhere near you, un.

[raepxcake]

As am I; I don't want you and your...predilection near my babies.

[cake_is_a_bang]

And I don't want your babies near my predilection, un!

[raepxcake]

....do you even know what that word means, Deidara-kun?

[origamicupcake]

...do not, I repeat, do NOT bring a snake to the cafe.

[raepxcake]

But...they're my babies!

[origamicupcake]

I am not a violent person, Orochimaru...do not make me turn into one.

[cake_is_a_bang]

Please kill him, Ko-chan.

[cakeandmoney]

Is there any chance you'll be breeding the "man-eating snake" anytime soon.

[raepxcake]

Well, technically several of my snakes could physically consume an adult human. Why do you ask?

[cakeandmoney]

...I would be willing to fork over cash for such a snake think you could make a fair bit of money if you bred them and then offered to sell them to people seeking that sort of thing.

[raepxcake]

Breed them as assassins? How crude

Besides, to carry off a snake-assisted homicide, one would have to pair up the large python or boa with a small, venomous snake to first incapacitate the victim....hypothetically.