And then there's today. :)
Today has been busy, busy, and busy and I am happy to have landed, although I am only somewhat certain I am aware of what I am typing because I am so tired. :) I changed my appointment and will be receiving the results of my sleep study tomorrow afternoon. On one hand, I hope they find something very identifiable (and treatable) that will help me understand what I am going through and help direct my doctors. On the other hand, I hope they find nothing wrong other than a somewhat chronically anxious girl trying to sleep miles away from her baby. I can't promise not to get all emo on everyone this week after I meet with the sleep study doc, my new internist, the naturopath (second appt, this time for treatment) and my shrink (twice this week). It's a big week. I crave being done with chasing my health problems, but I simultaneously crave answers. Whether I find solutions, acceptance or both, I want it to take up less of my emotional energy.
I feel raw because I still cannot let go of feeling like my health problems are the result of my own shortcomings or failures. I cannot yet explain the origin of these feelings, but I can say there are times I want to run my brain repeatedly into the wall while yelling, "Stop it, stop it, stop it! Stupid brain!" :) I know I am not alone on this one, which makes it even more difficult to be compassionate towards myself at times.
I feel raw because I still cannot let go of feeling like my health problems are the result of my own shortcomings or failures. I cannot yet explain the origin of these feelings, but I can say there are times I want to run my brain repeatedly into the wall while yelling, "Stop it, stop it, stop it! Stupid brain!" :) I know I am not alone on this one, which makes it even more difficult to be compassionate towards myself at times.