Unleashed
Today was especially tough for me. Most days are fine because a large part of my mind has learned to put her in a place where she no longer exists to me. This was a great failure, however, because she will always exist in my heart. Every second spent with her in that place shrouded in darkness is a second re-routed to a place that actually does exist in light. I was fooling myself to think that these emotions would be discarded so easily, and should have known, if not only for how much I care about this one special girl.
I've come across people who have told me to stay away, yet I do not listen. I have come across people that have told me she is not worth this pain, yet I keep dwelling. I have come across myself, who is my greatest advocate, yet at the very same time is my greatest enemy- for he keeps telling me to leave her behind, yet love her sometimes. I wish it were that easy, to just stop. But for some reasons, I do believe that our friendship serves a purpose much greater than my short sight could ever see now. Somehow, I believe, we are meant to be.
Today was a harsh day, for as long as I've been throwing her memory into the dungeon of my mind, she hath come back with twice the furry, unleashing emotions and feelings that are ravaging my internal structure with the intensity of an internal tornado.
I think that realistically, our relationship is completely over. But I don't know yet, because something keeps calling me to her and worse yet, tells me that it is calling her to me. I wouldn't even bother if it were not for that last part; I feel that she can feel it. I feel that she can feel my passion for her sometimes, and that's what hurts so much. The fact that she would be content to settle, and not give true love a chance. But in the end, I'm lead back to the fact that I will be gone for 2 long years, and I may not even get a chance to witness her beauty firsthand on any account, at all, for the duration of my departure. This thought alone fuels the desire to leave her behind- yet, I can not. I will, never.
I will try with my greatest strength to keep her in my life, more than anyone else- because of the security she provides to my soul and mind. I will answer the call to stay within a short reach from her, because that's what I'm being called to do. Every time I try to walk away.... I can only go so far without looking back... and it’s not even my choice...
I've come across people who have told me to stay away, yet I do not listen. I have come across people that have told me she is not worth this pain, yet I keep dwelling. I have come across myself, who is my greatest advocate, yet at the very same time is my greatest enemy- for he keeps telling me to leave her behind, yet love her sometimes. I wish it were that easy, to just stop. But for some reasons, I do believe that our friendship serves a purpose much greater than my short sight could ever see now. Somehow, I believe, we are meant to be.
Today was a harsh day, for as long as I've been throwing her memory into the dungeon of my mind, she hath come back with twice the furry, unleashing emotions and feelings that are ravaging my internal structure with the intensity of an internal tornado.
I think that realistically, our relationship is completely over. But I don't know yet, because something keeps calling me to her and worse yet, tells me that it is calling her to me. I wouldn't even bother if it were not for that last part; I feel that she can feel it. I feel that she can feel my passion for her sometimes, and that's what hurts so much. The fact that she would be content to settle, and not give true love a chance. But in the end, I'm lead back to the fact that I will be gone for 2 long years, and I may not even get a chance to witness her beauty firsthand on any account, at all, for the duration of my departure. This thought alone fuels the desire to leave her behind- yet, I can not. I will, never.
I will try with my greatest strength to keep her in my life, more than anyone else- because of the security she provides to my soul and mind. I will answer the call to stay within a short reach from her, because that's what I'm being called to do. Every time I try to walk away.... I can only go so far without looking back... and it’s not even my choice...