(no subject)
So I usually try not to post entries when I'm feeling really emotional anymore, but, well, I just can't help myself tonight.
Prenote: I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about me and Bob, so I apologize ahead of time.
So this August we will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary (yes, 5, as in quite a long time). I've really been hoping for awhile and really seriously thinking that this would be the summer we finally got engaged. I've really thought this would be it ever since about Christmas time. He's been making more money at Nationwide and here recently he started a savings account to save up money. Well, I'm slowly starting to realize that it's not really going to happen. The money he's been putting into his savings account just gets pulled right back out to pay for glasses and tickets and everything else that comes up. He says that he really isn't spending anything he doesn't have to, and I know he's trying, but he has said this everytime he's gotten a different job and made more money since we've been dating. Every time he's got just enough to get by, and everytime he gets a raise the new amount is just enough to get by. I know I shouldn't bother him so much about money, it's his money, but I really was hoping that this would finally be the summer.
So here's the real questions I need to ask myself:
1) If he's really not financially stable enough to even buy the ring to propose if he wanted to, do I really want to push it? I mean, he's said for awhile that he knew that I was the one, but even if he wanted to there's no way he could even buy a ring at this point. My opinion: if you really want something you set your priorities straight, which I go back and forth about whether I think that he has. I mean, I'm a college student and I have better finances than he does.
2) I've always said that 6 years was going to be my personal limit. If you can't decide or just can't make a serious committment after 6 years of dating, then that's that. I've always said this. And he knows it. 6 years is also fast approaching at this point. What am I going to do if I hit that 6 year mark and nothing has happened? I know that he's the one, but I should also stay true to myself. If not, then at least I will be going to grad school then and will be able to focus my attention elsewhere. I mean, I'm actually really sad that I know it's not going to be this summer (I really thought it would be). If Christmas and Valentine's day pass without anything, then I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to push him. Sometimes he says that he's ready and about getting married the summer after I graduate (which I want to do), other times he talks about after grad school (which is probably another 5-6 years). I won't wait that long.
I know so many young couples that are married and struggling, and while I don't want to be hard up, at least then we'll be in it together. I don't want him to feel like he's got to have his whole life planned out and in line before he can include me in it. I know I just need to drop it. I just need to stop thinking about it (even though that's pretty much impossible at this point). I just wish he would think about it more if he really is serious about it. Or if he's not at this point just let me know. I love him so much and I know I get too excited about stuff like this, but I just don't know what to do with myself and this whole thing anymore.
Prenote: I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about me and Bob, so I apologize ahead of time.
So this August we will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary (yes, 5, as in quite a long time). I've really been hoping for awhile and really seriously thinking that this would be the summer we finally got engaged. I've really thought this would be it ever since about Christmas time. He's been making more money at Nationwide and here recently he started a savings account to save up money. Well, I'm slowly starting to realize that it's not really going to happen. The money he's been putting into his savings account just gets pulled right back out to pay for glasses and tickets and everything else that comes up. He says that he really isn't spending anything he doesn't have to, and I know he's trying, but he has said this everytime he's gotten a different job and made more money since we've been dating. Every time he's got just enough to get by, and everytime he gets a raise the new amount is just enough to get by. I know I shouldn't bother him so much about money, it's his money, but I really was hoping that this would finally be the summer.
So here's the real questions I need to ask myself:
1) If he's really not financially stable enough to even buy the ring to propose if he wanted to, do I really want to push it? I mean, he's said for awhile that he knew that I was the one, but even if he wanted to there's no way he could even buy a ring at this point. My opinion: if you really want something you set your priorities straight, which I go back and forth about whether I think that he has. I mean, I'm a college student and I have better finances than he does.
2) I've always said that 6 years was going to be my personal limit. If you can't decide or just can't make a serious committment after 6 years of dating, then that's that. I've always said this. And he knows it. 6 years is also fast approaching at this point. What am I going to do if I hit that 6 year mark and nothing has happened? I know that he's the one, but I should also stay true to myself. If not, then at least I will be going to grad school then and will be able to focus my attention elsewhere. I mean, I'm actually really sad that I know it's not going to be this summer (I really thought it would be). If Christmas and Valentine's day pass without anything, then I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to push him. Sometimes he says that he's ready and about getting married the summer after I graduate (which I want to do), other times he talks about after grad school (which is probably another 5-6 years). I won't wait that long.
I know so many young couples that are married and struggling, and while I don't want to be hard up, at least then we'll be in it together. I don't want him to feel like he's got to have his whole life planned out and in line before he can include me in it. I know I just need to drop it. I just need to stop thinking about it (even though that's pretty much impossible at this point). I just wish he would think about it more if he really is serious about it. Or if he's not at this point just let me know. I love him so much and I know I get too excited about stuff like this, but I just don't know what to do with myself and this whole thing anymore.