You think that's funny, do you? You won't be laughing once I'm done telling you my tale of woe. And woeful it surely is! I'm not even exaggerating, not even a little bit! Honest!  ( Shadowy doings in shadowy places... )

 There's not a great deal to be said about our most recent encounter in the labyrinth, because, quite frankly, we didn't see very much of it. When the things that crawl out of the walls at you fill the corridors with sucking darkness and cast webs of blindness across your eyes with every stroke of their gangly clawed arms, you may as well just shut ( Read more... )

So it seems that my royal presence is not greatly appreciated. When I announced to the rest of the party that they could, from now on, call me either "King Thrullzon" or "Your Majesty", the dwarf became quite incensed. He actually manhandled me, manhandled my august and royal personage, I say. He kept yelling inanities to the effect of "Where is ( Read more... )

I've never been much of a fan of pleasant dingly dells. Trees, nasty things. Full of dark places for vile creatures to creep and hide and drop on unsuspecting victims. Home to squirrels. I hate squirrels, squirrelly as they are. Also, the pollen. Can't stand pollen. Nothing quite breaks up the facade of a warrior lord at the height of his power ( Read more... )

Nothing is what it seems in this place, or so it seems. Or doesn't seem. Or something. Either way, it's all rather unseemly.

First of all, a bunch of statues managed to talk to us, apparently chanting one of the ritual prayers of a good dwarven god or some such, and sent us off on a quest to rescue their poor captured servant. Whoever thought of ( Read more... )

The Winds of Fate, they blow hot and cold. Unfortunately, I can't find the dial to make them just blow warm.
( Of Frost and Flame and Horned Helms... )

Did I tell them not to trust her? Did I warn them it was a trap? Yes, and yes. Was I right? Yes again.

I would like to think I am not a gloating man, but I am not so disingenuous. Gloating is fine, when it is well-deserved. The fact is this: I told them so. Right, with that said, let me expound upon our exploits, our travails in the labyrinth, ( Read more... )

 The relentless hunt for Karavakos continues. The others make absurd suggestions that we stop and rest, that we conserve our powers, that we otherwise show unacceptable weakness in the face of our despicable foe.

Nay, say I. We thrust forward, ever deeper, ever darker, our blood still wet on our cheeks as the minions of corruption fall before us. ( Read more... )

So, my name is Akmenos. I am a slovenly, craven disgrace to my race, which is saying a lot, given that my race is a disgrace unto itself.

I have wasted years of my life indulging my every whim, and now I carry the weight of that decadence - literally. How I drag this heavy shell out of my sleeping roll every day and lug it around on these weak legs ( Read more... )

Yes, I'm drunk. It's about time. We're heroes, dammit, and there hasn't been nearly enough drunken, ribald debauchery going on these past months to satiate a band of blood-soaked, wench-draped adventurers like us. We have spent the better part of the last year vanquishing dastardly foes, and yet the drunkenness has been sorely lacking.

So keep your ( Read more... )