(no subject)
i dont know why i've been writing in this more offten, i guess its just a good way to get things off my chest. i dont like to talk to ppl in real life i guess. i dont want to seem self centered and selfish, i like to listen to other ppls problems and help them, i keep mine bottled up. i suppose thats why i like lj. anyway back to what i want to get off my chest.
i've waited 11 years for him. hes disappeared twice. the second time was more sad than the first because i knew him better. anyway in 3rd grade, when i first met him i had one of those little girl crushes on him. he left after 3rd grade. he came back freshman year....so did my crush on him lol. i even asked him to both proms lol. i got turned down both times tho. i'm just too shy for my own good, shouldve just hung out with him. wouldve made things so much easier. i saw him on and off though never really talked to him. when i saw he was planing on coming to california i was upset that he wa going to so far away. he asked me if i would be around for spring break and i told him yeah and to gimme a call when he was free, of course i didnt think he would actually call me. when i got a text from him i got really excited, i hadnt seen him forever and i still liked him, not that i thought about him all the time, but when i did i knew i still did. so anyway we hung out, got coffee and it was really fun so i asked him if he wanted to come, when he said yes i was even more excited. thursday night was probably the best night of my life. just being near him and kissing him for the first time. friday when we went climbing i kept thinking about him and when he would be back, i missed him. he came back that night and that night was even better than the first. i missed him all day saturday and when we hung out that night it was amazing. i didnt want to come back to SF, it didnt make sense to me, i love it here but i miss him. he said hes coming to california in 2 weeks, and i cant wait. i really just want to be with him again, i can not wait.
i think about what i've been saying, and i realize that everytime i'm happy like this i get dissapointed, i dont want him to be like that, i really dont, i just want to be with him, not hookup with him, i want to truly be with him. i listen to songs that remind me of him, i've watched walk the line, or listened to some of johnny cash's music cause the last time i saw him we listen to johnny cash in his car and watched the movie at my house. i even told him about will, and he promised he wouldnt be like that. i hope not, i waited 11 years for him, i never thought it would happen, but now that it has i know what i would be missing and i dont want to miss it anymore. i was thinking about him last night and about a poem i wrote in like freshman year, about him...haha i think i posted it back in the day. i just dont want to get so happy, it seems everytime i'm happy things go to shit. i really dont want that to happen with him, but i cant help but be happy everytime i think of him.
i miss him so much.....i just want to be with him
i've waited 11 years for him. hes disappeared twice. the second time was more sad than the first because i knew him better. anyway in 3rd grade, when i first met him i had one of those little girl crushes on him. he left after 3rd grade. he came back freshman year....so did my crush on him lol. i even asked him to both proms lol. i got turned down both times tho. i'm just too shy for my own good, shouldve just hung out with him. wouldve made things so much easier. i saw him on and off though never really talked to him. when i saw he was planing on coming to california i was upset that he wa going to so far away. he asked me if i would be around for spring break and i told him yeah and to gimme a call when he was free, of course i didnt think he would actually call me. when i got a text from him i got really excited, i hadnt seen him forever and i still liked him, not that i thought about him all the time, but when i did i knew i still did. so anyway we hung out, got coffee and it was really fun so i asked him if he wanted to come, when he said yes i was even more excited. thursday night was probably the best night of my life. just being near him and kissing him for the first time. friday when we went climbing i kept thinking about him and when he would be back, i missed him. he came back that night and that night was even better than the first. i missed him all day saturday and when we hung out that night it was amazing. i didnt want to come back to SF, it didnt make sense to me, i love it here but i miss him. he said hes coming to california in 2 weeks, and i cant wait. i really just want to be with him again, i can not wait.
i think about what i've been saying, and i realize that everytime i'm happy like this i get dissapointed, i dont want him to be like that, i really dont, i just want to be with him, not hookup with him, i want to truly be with him. i listen to songs that remind me of him, i've watched walk the line, or listened to some of johnny cash's music cause the last time i saw him we listen to johnny cash in his car and watched the movie at my house. i even told him about will, and he promised he wouldnt be like that. i hope not, i waited 11 years for him, i never thought it would happen, but now that it has i know what i would be missing and i dont want to miss it anymore. i was thinking about him last night and about a poem i wrote in like freshman year, about him...haha i think i posted it back in the day. i just dont want to get so happy, it seems everytime i'm happy things go to shit. i really dont want that to happen with him, but i cant help but be happy everytime i think of him.
i miss him so much.....i just want to be with him