"Abuse: The intentional and malicious causing of physical and/or emotional harm or pain to another when such treatment is not justified or warranted
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There is a difference between abuse and advantage. The first is often unwarranted and unforseeable, but the second is something we often allow others to do to us.
Some times we can avoid both. But the thing to remember is that only we can allow people to take advantage of us. Sometimes it's okay to let someone take advantage of you, as long as you know that they are and are not hurting from it. That might be called doing a favor. Other times it's our passive/agressive way of allowing someone else to take control so we don't have to be responsible.
I see the definitions as the same. The first is the basic definition and the second is the CYA (cover your ass) definition that is likely to be found in a counselors office or in a staff hand book.
Can you explain and elaborate on why you think the second definition is a CYA?
Your explanation about advantage and abuse was very interesting. I wonder... if someone was letting someone else take advantage of them for a period of time, but then decided they didn't want that anymore, does it become abuse? Will you expound on this?
I guess because in my experience, the need to elaborate on specific instances of said occurances, only arises when idiots try to find loop holes. I say idiots because anyone smart enough to argue it, is smart enough to really know right from wrong
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"You can't just decide enough is enough and it becomes abuse."
This statement has been very thought provoking for me and elicits exploration of what an "enabler" is. Can someone "enable" someone else in their abuse? Even if it's the enabler that's getting "abused?" Or is this counterintuitive or even an oxymoron?
And if there is such a thing, how does an enabler stop the cycle? And at which point have they stopped being part of it themselves? If someone was enabling someone else do they have a right to be mad when they say "enough is enough" and the abuser doesn't agree?
Your post has been very interesting and I thank you for feedback. Keep it coming as long as possible.
Can someone "enable" someone else in their abuse? Even if it's the enabler that's getting "abused?" Yes. I have seen many people fall into this cycle. By allowing someone to abuse them, they can then complain about it to others, garnering more attention. Children seek negative attention in school all the time. This in a way could be viewed in a similar manner. Some kids allow others to bully them, so they can spend more time in the counselor's office, or to get parents to take their side. This is a learned behavior.
If someone was enabling someone else do they have a right to be mad when they say "enough is enough" and the abuser doesn't agree?
I think the important key to ending the cycle is again education. Educate the abuer on how you expect to be treated. Stop the behavior and then set up new expectations. Depending on the kind of abuse you're talking about, your reaction might be anger, or disappointment. You can't force someone to learn new ways. That's the letting go part.
Some times we can avoid both. But the thing to remember is that only we can allow people to take advantage of us. Sometimes it's okay to let someone take advantage of you, as long as you know that they are and are not hurting from it. That might be called doing a favor. Other times it's our passive/agressive way of allowing someone else to take control so we don't have to be responsible.
I see the definitions as the same. The first is the basic definition and the second is the CYA (cover your ass) definition that is likely to be found in a counselors office or in a staff hand book.
Reply
Your explanation about advantage and abuse was very interesting. I wonder... if someone was letting someone else take advantage of them for a period of time, but then decided they didn't want that anymore, does it become abuse? Will you expound on this?
Reply
Reply
This statement has been very thought provoking for me and elicits exploration of what an "enabler" is. Can someone "enable" someone else in their abuse? Even if it's the enabler that's getting "abused?" Or is this counterintuitive or even an oxymoron?
And if there is such a thing, how does an enabler stop the cycle? And at which point have they stopped being part of it themselves? If someone was enabling someone else do they have a right to be mad when they say "enough is enough" and the abuser doesn't agree?
Your post has been very interesting and I thank you for feedback. Keep it coming as long as possible.
Reply
Can someone "enable" someone else in their abuse? Even if it's the enabler that's getting "abused?"
Yes. I have seen many people fall into this cycle. By allowing someone to abuse them, they can then complain about it to others, garnering more attention. Children seek negative attention in school all the time. This in a way could be viewed in a similar manner. Some kids allow others to bully them, so they can spend more time in the counselor's office, or to get parents to take their side. This is a learned behavior.
If someone was enabling someone else do they have a right to be mad when they say "enough is enough" and the abuser doesn't agree?
I think the important key to ending the cycle is again education. Educate the abuer on how you expect to be treated. Stop the behavior and then set up new expectations. Depending on the kind of abuse you're talking about, your reaction might be anger, or disappointment. You can't force someone to learn new ways. That's the letting go part.
Reply
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