Eurovision 2016, Whoops I belatedly completely liveblogged the Finals
Don't know if I'm going to react to the whole finals all over again, or just add in thoughts on the new songs. I accidentally got spoiled while trying super hard to find a stream replay...the official site just linked to fucking youtube for the finals video...fucking logo won't play a video...so I installed zenmate on firefox...but I had to update firefox. But I was temporarily in Germany tonight guys, totally.
I officially hate logo so much right now, you don't even understand. If I can watch live next year, I'm finding a legit European stream.
Let's start with a link to a cute little bingo board that I might use next year: Scandanavia and the World Eurovision Game
Show opens with a weird paper/marshmallow runway interspersed with the acts walking in. I tuned out halfway through. I've watched every episode of Drag Race, weird shit on a runway doesn't impress anymore. Kim Chi made a flower headpiece out of books two weeks ago. Violet Chachki was a Hello Kitty Barbarella last year. YAWN.
01 - Belgium - We're going to open the night with a fun song that everyone will be too drunk to remember once voting comes around. Since I tuned out the fashion show, I don't know if we're ending on a good note. This was a good last song in Semis 2.
23 - Georgia - The Oasis ripoffs are here. But Oasis are ripoffs themselves, so it's okay! The stageshow for those who hate epileptics. Why are they sorting effects pedals when it's a backing track? This is still fun!
21 - Ukraine - Time to sing a song about Crimea. It's still really hard to rate an actual emotional performance in Eurovision. It's like the year the song about child abuse was legitimately the best one.
Interpreter...misinterpreting?
19 - Spain - Finland done right. The arena was cheering because she started, probably because they knew it wouldn't be another ballad. It's not going to get anywhere near winning, but it was a lot of fun.
13 - Australia - Can sing, staging is boring. I forgot her entire left hand was encrusted with stones. I also forgot how much better of a singer she was than everybody else.
14 - Cyprus - Even if you hate rock (or like rock but hate generic rock), don't you have to appreciate there's a change of pace here? Especially since we probably just heard the best ballad, anyway? When there's a whole band on a stage covered in fog and lights, at least there's lots of things to look at? It's just too bad they didn't go with a flaming guitar like rock acts of Eurovision past.
And then the interpreter howled:
11 - France - Is singing in French AND English? Hell froze over. It's a cute pop song with a very catch chorus. Might legitimately be the best French entry I've seen, which makes the fact that it's not purely French pretty hilarious. (I wouldn't have cared if the whole thing was in French.) There isn't really a stageshow, but the singer is a dynamic performer and uses the space!
08 - Bulgaria - This is still more fun and entertaining than most of the shit this year, but I can't understand anything she's singing! Light up outfits are fun though!
07 - Israel - Spangly goth with an unfortunate jawline is back! It's a boring ballad, but he sings well enough for me to tolerate him. I like the hoop people and the staging is pretty.
Interpreter doesn't agree on my "good for Eurovision" verdict:
15 - Serbia - Didn't realize this had a slide whistle solo the first time around. Midtempo number with a decent singer. She had an off...yelp? before the key change that I don't remember hearing the first time. I still like the costumes and the staging.
18 - Russia - Oh god, this is coming right about what would've been the end of a semis setlist, and I like it a lot better now. Stage show is still a blatant grab at the success of Heroes' one from last year.
Even the interpreter feels my conflict:
I like this shot though:
26 - Armenia - I was legitimately trying to remember who the fuck is left. Whoops, I actually liked this in the first semis. UNLEASH THE FOG. No one else left to use it on. ...wow she really went off key. The stageshow is still entertaining.
25 - United Kingdom - On one hand, this is like Disney channel bullshit, or whatever the British equivalent is. On the other hand, they're not bad singers and sang in harmony. People like to talk about the UK sending absolute shit...but sorry, this is actually good for Eurovision, and they're not aging stars who may or may not be on their deathbed, so this is good for Britain.
04 - Azerbaijan - I forgot to mention how I liked her gold microphone last time. I've gotten way too into gold accessories lately. I have a rose gold ecig and my next purse (I use them until they die) is a gold glitter Hello Kitty handbag. Given the disco subtheme, and the appearance of the stage show with this act, I would've liked this song a lot better with a funky bassline. But I will reiterate, this is downright great for Azerbaijan. I don't know how I feel about the hook sounding like "Mirror-Mirror-Miracle," though.
Oh god, if the thread keeps posting this, I'll keep adding them:
24 - Austria - Is still adorable and off to her junior prom. Will get all the little girl votes. Is still a little boring, though.
06 - Italy - Something new! She's singing on what appears to be a children's show set. Someone's got a cintiq and is doodling on the screen while she sings. She's singing well enough, and in Italian, but is either undermixed or singing really quietly. While she's mostly just standing there, the staging gives her the conceit of standing on a tiny island that she can't leave. ...all in all, though, I was kinda bored.
22 - Malta - Apparently five months pregnant. Not a read. Still kinda boring. I don't know what was up with her backup dancer.
03 - The Netherlands - Cute guy with questionable throat tattoo sings vaguely country.
Poor interpreter is only on song three of the show:
10 - Germany - Is some weird otaku weeaboo looking girl? I'm going to quote Bianca del Rio: She looks like she fell onto a rack at Claire's and said "I'll take it." Ugh, she can't hit the entire lower half notes in her song. She's breathy like a twelve year old girl. It's a shame, the stage looks really cool with dead trees and fog.
12 - Poland - I want to continue making fun of the way this guy looks, but I did remember exactly who he was as soon as the interstitial started. MELODRAMATIC RINGMASTER TIME. He can sing all right. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR LIFE. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR LIFE.
17 - Croatia - I still don't understand this woman's clothing. I don't know how I didn't come up with the Bjork comparison before, but this sounds like it could be a Bjork vocal. ...her voice started to give out on her near the end of the song though. :/
16 - Lithuania - I hope you sing better tonight. ...I actually think he might be. This song is still pretty boring. But some goon posted a great Lithuania basketball picture:
05 - Hungary - Oh right, stupid shirt. And I got angry about the whistling. The backup singers are in black shirts and khakis while the drummer is wearing an animal skin? I don't mind the singer in the verse, but the chorus is soooo meh.
20 - Latvia - When this started, I couldn't remember what I thought of this song. But then it continued, and it was pretty bad. :/
09 - Sweden - The Swedish artist is called Frans. He looks like Haley Joel Osment if he grew up slightly less awkward. He's got a weird...accent? affectation? Whose style is he mimicking? I wonder if they gave him a song with a range of five notes because those are the only ones he can sing. It's weird, apparently Sweden didn't even try this year.
02 - Czech Republic - Competant, yet horrifically boring ballad. The song is called "I Stand" and she just stands there. Oh, I remember this...I was slightly excited in the Semis because she was several songs in and this was the first time they turned on the wind machine.
I apparently need to watch the sign language stream next year:
GOONVOTE RESULTS:
Australia / Belgium / Bulgaria / Georgia
And in last, where it belongs: Czech Republic
I don't even know if these ratings make sense compared to how I did the semis. I have had a backache since Wednesday and my brain is broken.
If Justin Timberlake really has seen the last two ESCs...ONE OF US? Actually, watching this now makes me a lot less angry...because booking JT seems like a total Sweden move. I wish someone would do another Europe-wide flash mob. Now that it's airing in North America and China, and Australia is participating, they could do a world-wide flash mob!
Apparently, Sweden sent their really good song for the interval act. ...I meant the ESC Mashup Love Love Peace Peace, but the Mans song on the hoverboards is more interesting than a decent proportion of the actual acts.
I don't understand the new voting presentation. But LOL on the Czech Republic getting 0 from televotes. And Poland was 4th in the televoting but last from the juries? Why did I sit through the like 90 minutes after the performances when I could've just skipped to the end????
Congrats to Ukraine (and Australia, honestly) and to Bulgaria for coming in 4th! I still think Belgium got screwed a little going first.
I officially hate logo so much right now, you don't even understand. If I can watch live next year, I'm finding a legit European stream.
Let's start with a link to a cute little bingo board that I might use next year: Scandanavia and the World Eurovision Game
Show opens with a weird paper/marshmallow runway interspersed with the acts walking in. I tuned out halfway through. I've watched every episode of Drag Race, weird shit on a runway doesn't impress anymore. Kim Chi made a flower headpiece out of books two weeks ago. Violet Chachki was a Hello Kitty Barbarella last year. YAWN.
01 - Belgium - We're going to open the night with a fun song that everyone will be too drunk to remember once voting comes around. Since I tuned out the fashion show, I don't know if we're ending on a good note. This was a good last song in Semis 2.
23 - Georgia - The Oasis ripoffs are here. But Oasis are ripoffs themselves, so it's okay! The stageshow for those who hate epileptics. Why are they sorting effects pedals when it's a backing track? This is still fun!
21 - Ukraine - Time to sing a song about Crimea. It's still really hard to rate an actual emotional performance in Eurovision. It's like the year the song about child abuse was legitimately the best one.
Interpreter...misinterpreting?
19 - Spain - Finland done right. The arena was cheering because she started, probably because they knew it wouldn't be another ballad. It's not going to get anywhere near winning, but it was a lot of fun.
13 - Australia - Can sing, staging is boring. I forgot her entire left hand was encrusted with stones. I also forgot how much better of a singer she was than everybody else.
14 - Cyprus - Even if you hate rock (or like rock but hate generic rock), don't you have to appreciate there's a change of pace here? Especially since we probably just heard the best ballad, anyway? When there's a whole band on a stage covered in fog and lights, at least there's lots of things to look at? It's just too bad they didn't go with a flaming guitar like rock acts of Eurovision past.
And then the interpreter howled:
11 - France - Is singing in French AND English? Hell froze over. It's a cute pop song with a very catch chorus. Might legitimately be the best French entry I've seen, which makes the fact that it's not purely French pretty hilarious. (I wouldn't have cared if the whole thing was in French.) There isn't really a stageshow, but the singer is a dynamic performer and uses the space!
08 - Bulgaria - This is still more fun and entertaining than most of the shit this year, but I can't understand anything she's singing! Light up outfits are fun though!
07 - Israel - Spangly goth with an unfortunate jawline is back! It's a boring ballad, but he sings well enough for me to tolerate him. I like the hoop people and the staging is pretty.
Interpreter doesn't agree on my "good for Eurovision" verdict:
15 - Serbia - Didn't realize this had a slide whistle solo the first time around. Midtempo number with a decent singer. She had an off...yelp? before the key change that I don't remember hearing the first time. I still like the costumes and the staging.
18 - Russia - Oh god, this is coming right about what would've been the end of a semis setlist, and I like it a lot better now. Stage show is still a blatant grab at the success of Heroes' one from last year.
Even the interpreter feels my conflict:
I like this shot though:
26 - Armenia - I was legitimately trying to remember who the fuck is left. Whoops, I actually liked this in the first semis. UNLEASH THE FOG. No one else left to use it on. ...wow she really went off key. The stageshow is still entertaining.
25 - United Kingdom - On one hand, this is like Disney channel bullshit, or whatever the British equivalent is. On the other hand, they're not bad singers and sang in harmony. People like to talk about the UK sending absolute shit...but sorry, this is actually good for Eurovision, and they're not aging stars who may or may not be on their deathbed, so this is good for Britain.
04 - Azerbaijan - I forgot to mention how I liked her gold microphone last time. I've gotten way too into gold accessories lately. I have a rose gold ecig and my next purse (I use them until they die) is a gold glitter Hello Kitty handbag. Given the disco subtheme, and the appearance of the stage show with this act, I would've liked this song a lot better with a funky bassline. But I will reiterate, this is downright great for Azerbaijan. I don't know how I feel about the hook sounding like "Mirror-Mirror-Miracle," though.
Oh god, if the thread keeps posting this, I'll keep adding them:
24 - Austria - Is still adorable and off to her junior prom. Will get all the little girl votes. Is still a little boring, though.
06 - Italy - Something new! She's singing on what appears to be a children's show set. Someone's got a cintiq and is doodling on the screen while she sings. She's singing well enough, and in Italian, but is either undermixed or singing really quietly. While she's mostly just standing there, the staging gives her the conceit of standing on a tiny island that she can't leave. ...all in all, though, I was kinda bored.
22 - Malta - Apparently five months pregnant. Not a read. Still kinda boring. I don't know what was up with her backup dancer.
03 - The Netherlands - Cute guy with questionable throat tattoo sings vaguely country.
Poor interpreter is only on song three of the show:
10 - Germany - Is some weird otaku weeaboo looking girl? I'm going to quote Bianca del Rio: She looks like she fell onto a rack at Claire's and said "I'll take it." Ugh, she can't hit the entire lower half notes in her song. She's breathy like a twelve year old girl. It's a shame, the stage looks really cool with dead trees and fog.
12 - Poland - I want to continue making fun of the way this guy looks, but I did remember exactly who he was as soon as the interstitial started. MELODRAMATIC RINGMASTER TIME. He can sing all right. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR LIFE. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR LIFE.
17 - Croatia - I still don't understand this woman's clothing. I don't know how I didn't come up with the Bjork comparison before, but this sounds like it could be a Bjork vocal. ...her voice started to give out on her near the end of the song though. :/
16 - Lithuania - I hope you sing better tonight. ...I actually think he might be. This song is still pretty boring. But some goon posted a great Lithuania basketball picture:
05 - Hungary - Oh right, stupid shirt. And I got angry about the whistling. The backup singers are in black shirts and khakis while the drummer is wearing an animal skin? I don't mind the singer in the verse, but the chorus is soooo meh.
20 - Latvia - When this started, I couldn't remember what I thought of this song. But then it continued, and it was pretty bad. :/
09 - Sweden - The Swedish artist is called Frans. He looks like Haley Joel Osment if he grew up slightly less awkward. He's got a weird...accent? affectation? Whose style is he mimicking? I wonder if they gave him a song with a range of five notes because those are the only ones he can sing. It's weird, apparently Sweden didn't even try this year.
02 - Czech Republic - Competant, yet horrifically boring ballad. The song is called "I Stand" and she just stands there. Oh, I remember this...I was slightly excited in the Semis because she was several songs in and this was the first time they turned on the wind machine.
I apparently need to watch the sign language stream next year:
GOONVOTE RESULTS:
Australia / Belgium / Bulgaria / Georgia
And in last, where it belongs: Czech Republic
I don't even know if these ratings make sense compared to how I did the semis. I have had a backache since Wednesday and my brain is broken.
If Justin Timberlake really has seen the last two ESCs...ONE OF US? Actually, watching this now makes me a lot less angry...because booking JT seems like a total Sweden move. I wish someone would do another Europe-wide flash mob. Now that it's airing in North America and China, and Australia is participating, they could do a world-wide flash mob!
Apparently, Sweden sent their really good song for the interval act. ...I meant the ESC Mashup Love Love Peace Peace, but the Mans song on the hoverboards is more interesting than a decent proportion of the actual acts.
I don't understand the new voting presentation. But LOL on the Czech Republic getting 0 from televotes. And Poland was 4th in the televoting but last from the juries? Why did I sit through the like 90 minutes after the performances when I could've just skipped to the end????
Congrats to Ukraine (and Australia, honestly) and to Bulgaria for coming in 4th! I still think Belgium got screwed a little going first.