Eurovision 2016 Semis 2
Watched the second semis tonight. I am in such a braindead state of mind that I copied this text out of notepad and closed it before I opened Semagic. What if I'd lost everything? What is wrong with me? ARGGGHHH
As always, numbers indicate the order the performances were in, bolded names went through to the finals, and they are in order of my preference, some convoluted scoring ranking involving song quality, singer performance, and EUROVISIONNESS of the stage show.
5 - Belarus - WHAT THE FUCK NAKED DUDE AND A WOLF/DOG?! ...we're going to teach a wolf to fly? WTF. This is like someone decided that 3 Wolf Moon was the theme for their stage show. I know no one plays instruments for real on stage, but I don't think that calls for holographic backup bands made solely of the singer. Who can't sing and is looking at me the camera like he's batshit insane. Oh wait, he can do falsetto. But not really much else. WHY IS THERE A BABY AT THE END WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. ...wait, it just led to naked Mans holding a stuffed wolf, maybe this should be my favorite.
18 - Belgium - So disco IS a sub-theme this year, though this is giving me a soul-train vibe, too. It's really bad when I have to give so many props just because the singer isn't standing one spot...but this one is actually dancing a bit. And, much like Australia, managing to sing a hell of a lot better than most of the ones that just stood there.
10 - Australia - You did okay last year, guys. Let's see what happens when you have to qualify. Hmm, boring typical Eurovision song. But this girl can sing. And she's belting while sitting on a sparkly box, putting all the weak singers trying to sing standing up to shame. I am kinda bored, though. But she is more than likely the best singer that we will see in the entire competition. Well played, Australia.
14 - Ukraine - This one's hard to judge, because it's so out of place. It's an actually emotional song. The singer actually has conviction and emotion and can sing--there was successful whistletone in this. It's a good song. It deserves to do well, I hope it does so, for political reasons, but it wasn't the most entertaining to me.
6 - Serbia - I'm super excited because the piano has a mid-tempo. BDSM fringe dress, and she stole an Adele song and it's the most interesting actual song so far. Her backup singers with the high braid/ponies are adorable. And she can sing! I'm happy.
4 - Israel - The song is "Made of Stars" and the singer's name is Star. I'm annoyed by another boring slow song, but I like his sequinned sequens shirt, and now there are acrobats in a hoop. This is also the first performer tonight that actually seems to know how to sing. And I like the falling pyrotechnics! I hope this is lame enough to get more votes than Russia tomorrow, lol.
16 - Georgia - Appears to be a band. Sounds like Oasis. Maybe Noel and Liam changed their names and country? I can't understand a word he's singing, but sometimes Oasis songs don't make lyrical sense. The song sounds interesting enough it's making me feel very generous. So many other boring acts tonight. This is peppy and has fun lights and effects.
12 - Bulgaria - Did you just get a Eurovision themed tattoo while wearing a Nirvana shirt? OKAY. Wait...singer's name sounds familiar. Just checked, I thought she got shafted in 2011, because I really liked the song, but that song was in Bulgarian. :/ This is a more uptempo and fun song than the rest so far tonight. I have no idea what this girl is wearing or what she's singing. ...well the outfit just lit up so that part makes sense. Kinda.
17 - Albania - I was wondering if anyone was going to bring a Bond-alike ballad this year. Unfortunately, this one's a little weak, and so is the singer. Her dress is nifty in the way it make no sense. ...actually the singer's gotten a bit better. There have been much worse songs than this one tonight.
11 - Slovenia - Welp, cleavage dress. What's with the twangy guitar, you're not the Netherlands? OH GOD HELP ME I AM TOO BORED. This is just midshow cry for help. Oh hey, thanks for the shirtless dude. On a pole. Oh fuck your key change. Now the shirtless dude has to stop swinging because of pyro geysers. :(
9 - Lithuania - Yep, they like basketball in Lithuania, this is true. Good point: singer is on key. He's getting drowned out by the backing track, especially in the chorus. Another good point: the song is decent generic pop, but it either needs a stronger singer or a better mix. It sounds like karaoke night now. He did just do a flip through a wall of fog, so props to him?
7 - Ireland - Conflicted. Is not Jedward but is cute. Song is uptempo, but his voice is majorly weak. Stageshow is boring, but he's got a band? Meh. Why does this song feel like its 20 minutes long? ARGGHHHH
2 - Poland - Why are you dressed like a ringmaster? What is that moustache? Why do you hurt my ears? He's just standing there, but he's not alone! There are shadowed people playing instruments in the background. Oh hey, they are light up violins! WHAT COLOR IS YOUR LIFE? Nice background. So, Polish Michael Bolton?
1 - Latvia - Breathy and out of tune, my favorite not unexpected! I was going to give him points for being understandable, but that went downhill after the first chorus. I actually feel a little sorry for the kid, he's opening the show with a super boring song, up on stage all by himself, and there's no wind, fog, or fire. WTF Latvia?
13 - Denmark - What kind of group name is Lighthouse X? Oh hey, lightup mic stands. ...okay I guess Denmark doesn't want to host Eurovision again so soon after the last time? This is just bland. If you have goofy looking dudes in a boyband, shouldn't they be able to sing well? So offensively bland.
15 - Norway - Why would you send someone tone deaf to sing a song for your country? It looks like she's wearing a two-piece leopard print outfit. (I know it's not, but it's a questionable pattern.) Why can't I see the contemporary backup dancer? I'd rather watch her routine. Why does Sia hide her face, sing well, and front with a good dancer, when I have to watch this girl sing badly and can't see her dancer? Why does the chorus sound like 1/2 tempo? Ugghh. This is worse than Denmark.
3 - Switzerland - IS SHE WEARING A FUCKING FOG MACHINE? And how the hell did Mandy Moore sneak into this contest? Girl, you can't sing that low. Stop it. Why are you wearing no shoes and a see through skirt? It's not flattering. Everything is downhill after the fog left. Oh god, she's singing too low for her range and still can't hit the high notes.
8 - Macedonia - This gal looks like all the Macedonian girls I knew combined into one person. Not English, yay! ...that is one weird dress. I feel like her backups are better belters than her. This is slow and I don't feel like her voice is strong enough to feature. :/ OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU CANNOT WHISTLE TONE, MY EARS.
The interval performance includes the murderous turrets from Portal:
The three previews tonight were better than most of tonight's so, I guess they deserve automatic finals for once.
So sad I don't get to see Belarus again, but I would have been much more upset if Belgium hadn't made it. They announced Belgium last, and I was about to throw a fit. And congrats to Poli for making it through this year, even if I liked her 2011 entry a hell of a lot better than this one!
Watched this one a day late because I felt like shit on Thursday and...I actually have a social obligation tomorrow, so I may not see the finals til late Saturday/Sunday. SHOCKING, I know. I've watched the finals live for the last five years.
WHY IS JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE PERFORMING AT EUROVISION?!
Anyway, goons aren't gif-ing and I don't have the patience to troll tumblr. If I watch the finals late, though, I might be able to find something for them.
As always, numbers indicate the order the performances were in, bolded names went through to the finals, and they are in order of my preference, some convoluted scoring ranking involving song quality, singer performance, and EUROVISIONNESS of the stage show.
5 - Belarus - WHAT THE FUCK NAKED DUDE AND A WOLF/DOG?! ...we're going to teach a wolf to fly? WTF. This is like someone decided that 3 Wolf Moon was the theme for their stage show. I know no one plays instruments for real on stage, but I don't think that calls for holographic backup bands made solely of the singer. Who can't sing and is looking at me the camera like he's batshit insane. Oh wait, he can do falsetto. But not really much else. WHY IS THERE A BABY AT THE END WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. ...wait, it just led to naked Mans holding a stuffed wolf, maybe this should be my favorite.
18 - Belgium - So disco IS a sub-theme this year, though this is giving me a soul-train vibe, too. It's really bad when I have to give so many props just because the singer isn't standing one spot...but this one is actually dancing a bit. And, much like Australia, managing to sing a hell of a lot better than most of the ones that just stood there.
10 - Australia - You did okay last year, guys. Let's see what happens when you have to qualify. Hmm, boring typical Eurovision song. But this girl can sing. And she's belting while sitting on a sparkly box, putting all the weak singers trying to sing standing up to shame. I am kinda bored, though. But she is more than likely the best singer that we will see in the entire competition. Well played, Australia.
14 - Ukraine - This one's hard to judge, because it's so out of place. It's an actually emotional song. The singer actually has conviction and emotion and can sing--there was successful whistletone in this. It's a good song. It deserves to do well, I hope it does so, for political reasons, but it wasn't the most entertaining to me.
6 - Serbia - I'm super excited because the piano has a mid-tempo. BDSM fringe dress, and she stole an Adele song and it's the most interesting actual song so far. Her backup singers with the high braid/ponies are adorable. And she can sing! I'm happy.
4 - Israel - The song is "Made of Stars" and the singer's name is Star. I'm annoyed by another boring slow song, but I like his sequinned sequens shirt, and now there are acrobats in a hoop. This is also the first performer tonight that actually seems to know how to sing. And I like the falling pyrotechnics! I hope this is lame enough to get more votes than Russia tomorrow, lol.
16 - Georgia - Appears to be a band. Sounds like Oasis. Maybe Noel and Liam changed their names and country? I can't understand a word he's singing, but sometimes Oasis songs don't make lyrical sense. The song sounds interesting enough it's making me feel very generous. So many other boring acts tonight. This is peppy and has fun lights and effects.
12 - Bulgaria - Did you just get a Eurovision themed tattoo while wearing a Nirvana shirt? OKAY. Wait...singer's name sounds familiar. Just checked, I thought she got shafted in 2011, because I really liked the song, but that song was in Bulgarian. :/ This is a more uptempo and fun song than the rest so far tonight. I have no idea what this girl is wearing or what she's singing. ...well the outfit just lit up so that part makes sense. Kinda.
17 - Albania - I was wondering if anyone was going to bring a Bond-alike ballad this year. Unfortunately, this one's a little weak, and so is the singer. Her dress is nifty in the way it make no sense. ...actually the singer's gotten a bit better. There have been much worse songs than this one tonight.
11 - Slovenia - Welp, cleavage dress. What's with the twangy guitar, you're not the Netherlands? OH GOD HELP ME I AM TOO BORED. This is just midshow cry for help. Oh hey, thanks for the shirtless dude. On a pole. Oh fuck your key change. Now the shirtless dude has to stop swinging because of pyro geysers. :(
9 - Lithuania - Yep, they like basketball in Lithuania, this is true. Good point: singer is on key. He's getting drowned out by the backing track, especially in the chorus. Another good point: the song is decent generic pop, but it either needs a stronger singer or a better mix. It sounds like karaoke night now. He did just do a flip through a wall of fog, so props to him?
7 - Ireland - Conflicted. Is not Jedward but is cute. Song is uptempo, but his voice is majorly weak. Stageshow is boring, but he's got a band? Meh. Why does this song feel like its 20 minutes long? ARGGHHHH
2 - Poland - Why are you dressed like a ringmaster? What is that moustache? Why do you hurt my ears? He's just standing there, but he's not alone! There are shadowed people playing instruments in the background. Oh hey, they are light up violins! WHAT COLOR IS YOUR LIFE? Nice background. So, Polish Michael Bolton?
1 - Latvia - Breathy and out of tune, my favorite not unexpected! I was going to give him points for being understandable, but that went downhill after the first chorus. I actually feel a little sorry for the kid, he's opening the show with a super boring song, up on stage all by himself, and there's no wind, fog, or fire. WTF Latvia?
13 - Denmark - What kind of group name is Lighthouse X? Oh hey, lightup mic stands. ...okay I guess Denmark doesn't want to host Eurovision again so soon after the last time? This is just bland. If you have goofy looking dudes in a boyband, shouldn't they be able to sing well? So offensively bland.
15 - Norway - Why would you send someone tone deaf to sing a song for your country? It looks like she's wearing a two-piece leopard print outfit. (I know it's not, but it's a questionable pattern.) Why can't I see the contemporary backup dancer? I'd rather watch her routine. Why does Sia hide her face, sing well, and front with a good dancer, when I have to watch this girl sing badly and can't see her dancer? Why does the chorus sound like 1/2 tempo? Ugghh. This is worse than Denmark.
3 - Switzerland - IS SHE WEARING A FUCKING FOG MACHINE? And how the hell did Mandy Moore sneak into this contest? Girl, you can't sing that low. Stop it. Why are you wearing no shoes and a see through skirt? It's not flattering. Everything is downhill after the fog left. Oh god, she's singing too low for her range and still can't hit the high notes.
8 - Macedonia - This gal looks like all the Macedonian girls I knew combined into one person. Not English, yay! ...that is one weird dress. I feel like her backups are better belters than her. This is slow and I don't feel like her voice is strong enough to feature. :/ OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU CANNOT WHISTLE TONE, MY EARS.
The interval performance includes the murderous turrets from Portal:
The three previews tonight were better than most of tonight's so, I guess they deserve automatic finals for once.
So sad I don't get to see Belarus again, but I would have been much more upset if Belgium hadn't made it. They announced Belgium last, and I was about to throw a fit. And congrats to Poli for making it through this year, even if I liked her 2011 entry a hell of a lot better than this one!
Watched this one a day late because I felt like shit on Thursday and...I actually have a social obligation tomorrow, so I may not see the finals til late Saturday/Sunday. SHOCKING, I know. I've watched the finals live for the last five years.
WHY IS JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE PERFORMING AT EUROVISION?!
Anyway, goons aren't gif-ing and I don't have the patience to troll tumblr. If I watch the finals late, though, I might be able to find something for them.