Eurovision 2016 Semis 1
Didn't see any gifs yet, may update later if I see some cool ones.
Like always, these are in the order of my favorites, based on important factors like the quality of song and the stage presentation's EUROVISIONNESS. The numbers are the order in which they were presented during the show, and the bolded names are the countries that went through.
17 - Bosnia - Cellist with weird cello wearing gold lame? OKAY. Oh Bosnia's not singing in English. WERK. Actually, this is good. I have no idea what it's about, the two in the duet keep reaching through a barbed wire fence. I don't understand their outfits. BUT I DON'T CARE. Oh god, I don't mind this Euro rap, what are they doing to me?
11 - Cyprus - Well, it looks like a band! Hahaha, I love this it reminds me of like...if Alice Cooper decided to sing a Bon Jovi song or something. There's fog, half the band's in cages and the song's all right. And dat guitar effect pedal. And there's weird camera effects and the singer just howled. PYRO. This may be this semi's peak Eurovision!
7 - Armenia - FOG & LEOTARD...can't make up for weak singing. OOOH FIRE. Don't know if it's my shitty stream or what, but the lines on her leotard are doing wacky things on my screen. Wait, what are these camera effects? Song was okay, extra points for great stage show. Yes.
6 - Netherlands - Cute, but I don't know if I can get behind a throat tattoo. ...didn't the Netherlands have a faux country song not too long ago? Is this a thing there? Did someone tell this dude he's vaguely reminiscent of Joaquin Phoenix so he should also pretend to play country music? Oh yay, a pause. This is musically competant but is kind of bizarre. I'm angry this is the best of the first six.
5 - Croatia - ...is this the girl they sent a few years ago? INSANE DRESS. Her accent's a bit odd, but she's singing well! Tearaway...and the dress is still weird. First key change! (I looked it up, Serbia sent a different girl with short hair named Nina in 2011.)
3 - Moldova - What did you send us this year? Aw man, it's so boring. Why, Moldova, why? OH WAIT ASTRONAUT ON STAGE. This is why I love Moldova. The song is still mediocre pop, the singer is firmly mediocre (but still the best so far), but she's got a man in a spacesuit as a backup dancer.
12 - Austria - Why is the interstitial running in barbed wire fences and hedge mazes. Why does the singer look like Avril? One on hand, she's not singing in English, which I like. On the other hand, she's dressed like this is her quincenera. She's got a nice voice, but it doesn't seem to have any oomph. Like, she's getting drowned out by her backing track of mostly cute guitar and synth beats. She is pretty adorable, I'll say that!
14 - Azerbaijan - Usually underwhelms. This year, it's extra bad, because I didn't mind the opening. Then the singer just went weak and the song was more boring. BUT the stage show is pretty nice with male dancers in crop tops and pyro, so this is actually really good for them.
9 - Russia - So, does Eurovision have a magic anti-boo filter for this year? Interstitial is that their singer is a singer, and it's snowy in Russia. He sounds like the weakest member of a boy band. Oh boy, you are doing the exact same shit on stage that Sweden won with last year. YAWN. Okay, there are some cooler effects, I'll give them that. But the song's still boring and bland.
8 - San Marino - Old dude in a fedora, and shiny disco backup singer ladies? Wait, is this year's subtrend actually disco songs? I don't know how I feel about his talk-singing, but I'm mildly entertained by this.
15 - Montenegro - Has a good riff, and someone can hit a good high note, which means the first five seconds is surprisingly amazing, and the rest is all downhill from there. I get some sort of vaguely Depeche Mode vibes from this. It's weird. Why does it feel like the whole damn entry is in slo-mo?
10 - Czech Republic - Starting a bit lower than her range. Nice sounding voice, though. Every fifth word is a little unintelligible. Pretty lights on the stage, but I've been missing the wind machine. Holy shit...I made the wind machine appear!
18 - Malta - Why is there a face on the stage? D: Hmm, pretty bland pop but I kinda like the dancer, who is dressed wrong to stand out on the stage.. Singer's pretty unintelligible. Meh.
16 - Iceland - Starting with the wind machine? All right. Why is she dressed like Stevie Nicks? SHE DISAPPEARED. What's with the shadow hands? The stage show is trippy, but the song can't decide what it's supposed to be. Oh, and you can't sing.
13 - Estonia - Wait, why are you just wearing towels in winter you crazy person? Sorry, sweetie, you aren't charismatic enough to carry off this song. You look like a creep. It doesn't help that his voice isn't deep enough for this song. STOP WINKING AT ME, BOY. At least the simple card slight-of-hand works with your stage theme. This would've been a better torch song for a woman who was an alto. This doesn't SUCK, but it's so mediocre.
4 - Hungary - ...hello, HUNGARY. Wait, no , your shirt is stupid. Oh hey, apparently there's an awsome light up stage no one's taken advantage of until now. FUCK WHISTLING. God, the singer's pretty bad. Not just pretty. Boring, but meh quality song?
1 - Finland - Weird hair. Weak singing. Sounds like starting too low to hit belting notes. I enjoy a disco song in theory, but she can't sing. :( And I can't understand a damn word she's saying. I feel cheated, because I'd have liked this song if the singer didn't suck.
2- Greece - Utopian Land? Uh...well I like traditional instruments. ...why does Greece keep sending rap songs? What is this dancing? Why are the men wearing khaki MC Hammer pants?
Final thoughts? BOSNIA WAS ROBBED. And Moldova is never getting to the finals, are they?
Like always, these are in the order of my favorites, based on important factors like the quality of song and the stage presentation's EUROVISIONNESS. The numbers are the order in which they were presented during the show, and the bolded names are the countries that went through.
17 - Bosnia - Cellist with weird cello wearing gold lame? OKAY. Oh Bosnia's not singing in English. WERK. Actually, this is good. I have no idea what it's about, the two in the duet keep reaching through a barbed wire fence. I don't understand their outfits. BUT I DON'T CARE. Oh god, I don't mind this Euro rap, what are they doing to me?
11 - Cyprus - Well, it looks like a band! Hahaha, I love this it reminds me of like...if Alice Cooper decided to sing a Bon Jovi song or something. There's fog, half the band's in cages and the song's all right. And dat guitar effect pedal. And there's weird camera effects and the singer just howled. PYRO. This may be this semi's peak Eurovision!
7 - Armenia - FOG & LEOTARD...can't make up for weak singing. OOOH FIRE. Don't know if it's my shitty stream or what, but the lines on her leotard are doing wacky things on my screen. Wait, what are these camera effects? Song was okay, extra points for great stage show. Yes.
6 - Netherlands - Cute, but I don't know if I can get behind a throat tattoo. ...didn't the Netherlands have a faux country song not too long ago? Is this a thing there? Did someone tell this dude he's vaguely reminiscent of Joaquin Phoenix so he should also pretend to play country music? Oh yay, a pause. This is musically competant but is kind of bizarre. I'm angry this is the best of the first six.
5 - Croatia - ...is this the girl they sent a few years ago? INSANE DRESS. Her accent's a bit odd, but she's singing well! Tearaway...and the dress is still weird. First key change! (I looked it up, Serbia sent a different girl with short hair named Nina in 2011.)
3 - Moldova - What did you send us this year? Aw man, it's so boring. Why, Moldova, why? OH WAIT ASTRONAUT ON STAGE. This is why I love Moldova. The song is still mediocre pop, the singer is firmly mediocre (but still the best so far), but she's got a man in a spacesuit as a backup dancer.
12 - Austria - Why is the interstitial running in barbed wire fences and hedge mazes. Why does the singer look like Avril? One on hand, she's not singing in English, which I like. On the other hand, she's dressed like this is her quincenera. She's got a nice voice, but it doesn't seem to have any oomph. Like, she's getting drowned out by her backing track of mostly cute guitar and synth beats. She is pretty adorable, I'll say that!
14 - Azerbaijan - Usually underwhelms. This year, it's extra bad, because I didn't mind the opening. Then the singer just went weak and the song was more boring. BUT the stage show is pretty nice with male dancers in crop tops and pyro, so this is actually really good for them.
9 - Russia - So, does Eurovision have a magic anti-boo filter for this year? Interstitial is that their singer is a singer, and it's snowy in Russia. He sounds like the weakest member of a boy band. Oh boy, you are doing the exact same shit on stage that Sweden won with last year. YAWN. Okay, there are some cooler effects, I'll give them that. But the song's still boring and bland.
8 - San Marino - Old dude in a fedora, and shiny disco backup singer ladies? Wait, is this year's subtrend actually disco songs? I don't know how I feel about his talk-singing, but I'm mildly entertained by this.
15 - Montenegro - Has a good riff, and someone can hit a good high note, which means the first five seconds is surprisingly amazing, and the rest is all downhill from there. I get some sort of vaguely Depeche Mode vibes from this. It's weird. Why does it feel like the whole damn entry is in slo-mo?
10 - Czech Republic - Starting a bit lower than her range. Nice sounding voice, though. Every fifth word is a little unintelligible. Pretty lights on the stage, but I've been missing the wind machine. Holy shit...I made the wind machine appear!
18 - Malta - Why is there a face on the stage? D: Hmm, pretty bland pop but I kinda like the dancer, who is dressed wrong to stand out on the stage.. Singer's pretty unintelligible. Meh.
16 - Iceland - Starting with the wind machine? All right. Why is she dressed like Stevie Nicks? SHE DISAPPEARED. What's with the shadow hands? The stage show is trippy, but the song can't decide what it's supposed to be. Oh, and you can't sing.
13 - Estonia - Wait, why are you just wearing towels in winter you crazy person? Sorry, sweetie, you aren't charismatic enough to carry off this song. You look like a creep. It doesn't help that his voice isn't deep enough for this song. STOP WINKING AT ME, BOY. At least the simple card slight-of-hand works with your stage theme. This would've been a better torch song for a woman who was an alto. This doesn't SUCK, but it's so mediocre.
4 - Hungary - ...hello, HUNGARY. Wait, no , your shirt is stupid. Oh hey, apparently there's an awsome light up stage no one's taken advantage of until now. FUCK WHISTLING. God, the singer's pretty bad. Not just pretty. Boring, but meh quality song?
1 - Finland - Weird hair. Weak singing. Sounds like starting too low to hit belting notes. I enjoy a disco song in theory, but she can't sing. :( And I can't understand a damn word she's saying. I feel cheated, because I'd have liked this song if the singer didn't suck.
2- Greece - Utopian Land? Uh...well I like traditional instruments. ...why does Greece keep sending rap songs? What is this dancing? Why are the men wearing khaki MC Hammer pants?
Final thoughts? BOSNIA WAS ROBBED. And Moldova is never getting to the finals, are they?