No Show Fee: 23. Expected Time of Departure [JaeMin, JaeHae, YehHae; DBSJ]
No Show Fee : 23. Expected Time of Departure
yumeyana
dong bang shin ki / super junior | JaeMin, JaeHae, YehHae
PG-13 - NC-17 / drama, angst, humor, romance
They say love waits. But the question always is, until when? Tension rises several notches higher and Heechul tries everything to salvage the situation. It's the unexpected downpour (and an MIA Jaejoong), however, that sews everything up-even the unlikely couple of Changmin and Donghae.
[crossposted at hug______, miracle______, _starcandy.]
Author's Notes: I finally finished part 23. Ugh. I've been trying to finish this for months, believe me. It came out longer than I expected it to be but hey, I know you won't mind. Hehe.
Disclaimers: None of the SM Entertainment and DSP artists mentioned below belong to me. The translation of BigEastation's 95th broadcast was done by whisperpuppies; I just tweaked it a little. Only the plot is mine.
No Show Fee: Expected Time of Departure
“These meetings have become increasingly frequent,” Junho remarked as Junsu opened the door. His dongsaeng smiled and let him in. “So has the need for it,” Junsu replied. His brother raised an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. Junsu just shrugged and said, “Take a seat, hyung. We might need an outsider’s opinion.”
Junho wanted to comment on how he wasn’t needed there-how the restaurant and the shop needed him-but the look on Junsu’s face sealed his lips. He sighed; fine, he thought. He was staying.
“Ah, the pizza’s here!” Yunho exclaimed as he walked into the room. “Hey, Junho,” he greeted, taking the two boxes of pizza off the other Kim’s hands. “Hyung’s joining us,” Junsu said, settling down on one of the plush couches.
Yunho just nodded like there was no need for any explanation.
“Hey, Junho,” both Yoochun and Hyukjae greeted as they settled down beside their respective boyfriends. For a moment there, Junho felt really out of place. “I’m beginning to think that this is a couple’s conference,” he commented. Yoochun laughed. “Don't worry. You’re no shrink, Kim Junho.”
He rolled his eyes. “Such warm words, Park Yoochun. Thank you.”
Yoochun blew a kiss his way. “Get yourself a boyfriend.”
"If my relationship is going to be in the hands of people like you, nevermind."
*
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Jihoo yah~
김현중。said:
Hyung, can’t you read? My name’s not ‘Jihoo’.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Jihoo yah~
김현중。said:
Yes? What’s the matter, hyung?
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Can I be your Geum Jandi for a while?
I don’t think Youngsaeng would mind.
김현중。said:
…
He says he doesn’t.
Why do you need a firefighter when you have Donghae?
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Changmin’s back.
김현중。said:
I know. It’s all over the news.
Is this what this is all about?
…
You’re having second thoughts about Donghae.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
I didn’t say that, idiot.
I love Donghae very much.
김현중。said:
There’s a ‘but’ somewhere there.
Youngsaeng says we can come and take you out on a drive if you want to.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Tell Youngsaeng I love him for the offer of whisking me away
from the tyranny that is Kim Heechul but he’s chained us to the set.
김현중。said:
He says that you can ask Taeyeon to grant you a wish.
Ugh. I am not a messenger!
HYUNG!
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
LOL.
Sorry, dongsaeng-deul.
김현중。said:
Hyung, you didn’t answer my question.
Yah. Geum Jandi.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Oh. Sorry.
I love Donghae very much but Changmin…
Idk. I think this drama is making me go crazy.
I feel like I’m reenacting my whole life before it has even happened.
김현중。said:
Hm.
Have you talked to Donghae?
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
I want to but we've all been busy.
김현중。said:
Talk to him, Jandi.
*
"CUT!" Heechul's voice rang clearly, slicing through the silence in the air. It was the tenth time that day, Jaejoong counted bitterly; it was the tenth mistake he made. He hasn't been this horrible since the first time he tried his hand at acting. And that was decades ago.
"Take a breather for ten minutes, everyone," he heard Heechul say over the megaphone. "Jaejoong, come with me." He sighed, hanging his head low. He was in deep shit. Heechul will not be impressed with his more than awful performance. Perhaps he should apologize (again) for making messing everything up (again). He shook his head; that might make Heechul even more displeased with him.
"You're going to bump into me if you keep looking down like that, Kim Jaejoong."
Jaejoong breathed in sharply, snapping his head up when he heard Heechul's voice. True to the director's previous statement, he was only a few inches away from Heechul. "I'm sorry," he said; it was out before he could even think about not saying it because hell was going to break lose in three, two, one.
"Take the day off, Jae. You look like hell."
Dong Bang Shin Ki's former lead singer blinked. "Could you repeat that?" he asked, unsure if he heard Heechul right. The latter rolled his eyes, something that clearly read I don't like repeating myself, dongsaeng. "Never mind," Jaejoong said. "Thank you, hyung. I'll be back in an hou-"
"No."
"No?"
Heechul sighed, pulling Jaejoong close in a tight hug. "Hyung&mdash?" he started to ask but Heechul shook his head, silencing him. "I know that these past few weeks have been difficult and I'm sorry I haven't been your hyung while this has been happening." Jaejoong's eyes widened; he tried to push Heechul away to look in his eyes and tell him that he was wrong and he has been a very good hyung right from the start but Heechul resisted, tightening his hold on the younger one.
"Shh. Listen to me, okay?"
When Jaejoong nodded, he continued. "Jungsu's here because I can't handle being your hyung and director at the same time-Jaejoong, dammit, listen to me!-and he knew I needed help. I'm trying to be your hyung now so listen to me and take a break, okay? Don't come back until you feel better. I can film the other scenes while you're away. Do you understand me?"
Jaejoong's first instinct was to retaliate but Heechul's voice was almost pleading him to take a break. He sighed; snaking his arms around his hyung's waist, he snuggled a 'yes'. Heechul seemed to have understood it; he could feel a smile curving his hyung's lips. "I'll be back by dinnertime, okay? I'll make anything you want me to." Heechul laughed softly. "Anything, hm? I like the sound of that."
"Just promise me one thing, though."
"Since I'm particularly giving today, sure."
"Never ever think that you're not a good enough hyung, okay?"
Heechul's eyes widened, softening a few seconds after. "Fair enough, dongsaeng."
*
"Jonghyun."
Hyung! Thank heavens you answered!
Jaejoong lazily plucked a blade of grass, twirling it in his hand. "Why were you looking for me, Hyun?" he asked, curious as to why Jonghyun sounded like someone had turned the whole country upside down to look for him. Which, Jaejoong thought, was ironic since Heechul instructed him to disappear for a while (well, not exactly but that was almost what his hyung meant).
Hyukjae hyung called Minho, asking if he's seen you. Minho didn't and he called me to ask if I saw you which, of course, I haven't since Teukie hyung's welcome home party. For a moment there, he considered telling Jonghyun to get to the point but the younger boy's voice was a beginning to be a welcome distraction. "Why was Hyukjae looking for me?" The answer was something Jaejoong was trying to forget, really, but it was good to know what it looked like from another person's point of view. I asked the same thing, too, but Minho said Hyukjae hyung didn't tell him.
"Oh?" Now, he was curious why Hyukjae was so tongue-tied about it.
But then Yunho hyung called Jinki a few minutes after- Jaejoong noticed the loss of honorific after Onew's name (so cute, he thought) and he would bet his new car that there was a perfectly juicy story behind it. -and he was looking for you, too! "Did Yunho tell Jinki why he called?" He could almost see Jonghyun nodding, bubbling with whatever emotion he was sure Onew was holding back. Assuming that Onew was there, of course.
You caught them making out.
Jaejoong laughed, its sound loudly spilling from his lips. Yunho actually told Onew that he caught him making out. What the hell, he wanted to tell Yunho; making out was not the right term to use for what they were doing. But I guess it was more than that, huh, hyung? He tried reigning in his laughter but Jonghyun had caught on and he could hear Onew's reprimanding voice from the other end of the line (so, he was right; Onew was there).
"You could say that, dongsaeng."
You really caught them in the middle of-we're old enough to say it, Jinki!
Jaejoong couldn't help it anymore. "Tell Jinki you're even old enough to be doing it."
Jinki, Jaejoong hyung says we're old enough to be doing-HYUNG! Jaejoong doubled over; this continuous laughter was threatening to cut off his oxygen supply, really. "What? It's not as if you haven't." He paused, raising an eyebrow. Jonghyun seemed to have lost his capacity to speak. "Yah, dongsaeng. Don't tell me you haven't-" Wehaveokayshhh, came his quick reply. UGH. JIN- There was a struggle at the other end and for a moment, Jaejoong considered putting the phone down. God knew he couldn't endure hearing another round of moaning after what he heard from Yunho and Hyukjae's apartment.
I'm sorry for that, hyung. It was Onew this time. The strained tone in the younger one's voice made Jaejoong chuckle. "You're too hard on him, Jinki." The former SHINee leader choked. Hyung, I-we-you- "Oh I don't think my boyfriend would want me to join in, dubu. But if you're up to it-"
YUNHOHYUNGWANTSTOKNOWWHEREYOUAREANDWANTSTOTALKTOYOUSOCALLHIMPLEASETHANKYOUBYE.
Another round of laughter filled the air as Jaejoong heard Onew put the phone down. He hasn't laughed this much over something stupid in a long time, he thought (The next time he needed a place where he could escape, he'd pick Onew and Jonghyun's flat.). Come to think about it, he hasn't really laughed all that much since Changmin appeared in his life again.
He sighed.
Fate was cruel, really. He finally found the courage to let go of a love that was never his, he thought, sitting up. He found Donghae, found a love that made him feel whole again. Then Changmin decided to crash the party and be that stupid character in the movie who confesses his love a lifetime too late.
And just like any movie, that particular gate crasher just has to destroy him again.
He plopped down on the grass bed again, eyes on the sky above him. The late afternoon sun was still shining brightly. He remembered afternoons like this: afternoons with Changmin and afternoons with Donghae. A Changmin-afternoon was kind of like playing charades and never really getting anywhere. No matter what Jaejoong did to make Changmin understand that this is the kind of life he wanted to live with Changmin, the younger one was stuck on the first syllable and what was the that gesture again?
Yeah. That frustrating.
A Donghae-afternoon, on the other hand, was like playing on the sandpit with someone who could understand that there needs to be a tower here and a moat somewhere there. No crossed signals, no reconstruction going on signs. And on top of the highest tower would be a single flag with two colors: one for you, the other for him. It was, Jaejoong thought, like having a scoop of his favorite ice cream.
He closed his eyes, tired and frustrated. The thing he hated most about all of this was that he loved working on puzzles as much as he loved eating ice cream. That meant he was fucking back to square one of the fucking crossroad.
Ugh.
*
"What the-" Heechul picked the megaphone up. "Pack up, people. Now!"
Heechul helped his cast and crew clear the place up and save the equipment from the untimely downpour. He had watched the news this morning and there was no report about buckets of rain interrupting his filming. He sighed. "I guess we're calling it a day, guys," he said as the cast and crew gathered around him. "We'll just resume early tomorrow morning... say five?" Everyone nodded; at least they were going to have an early night.
"Hyung!" It was hard to say whether it was Donghae or Changmin who was calling him; they were both approaching him with concerned looks. "Has Jaejoong hyung called?" Again, Heechul thought, with the synchronization. He checked his phone, noticing that it was already seven in the evening.
"I'm sure he's just busy preparing dinner," he said. "You know how he is."
Donghae was staring at his phone, willing it to ring or whatever. Changmin, on the other hand, was quiet as if he didn't know what he should say or if he was in the position to say anything. Heechul sighed, not really knowing how to handle his dongsaeng deul. Fortunately, Yehsung seemed to have developed some kind of psychic powers; the latter was already approaching them even before Heechul could telepathically ask for help.
"Have you tried calling him?" Saitoh asked, closely watching Yehsung as the smaller one wrapped his arms around Donghae. Heechul shook his head. "Jaejoong doesn't usually answer his phone when he's cooking," he said but he was already dialing Jaejoong's number. Leeteuk had appeared in the middle of the conversation and had taken the responsibility of stopping Changmin from taking his phone apart.
Jaejoong's phone rang three times. Five. Ten.
"He's not answering," Heechul said, frustrated. He tried again and waited for ten more unanswered rings before canceling the call. "Let's just go home. The rain's pouring and Jaejoong must be drowning the whole house with music."
He glanced at Changmin. "Come with us."
Leeteuk met his eyes, waiting for him to explain what Heechul was trying to do. Heechul shrugged; both of them knew that they couldn't send Changmin off while the younger one looked lost. "But-" It was clear that Changmin knew why Jaejoong had been off these past few days and him going to the apartment unannounced was like walking into a battle without the proper weapon in his hand.
"Come with us." And this time, Heechul demanded it.
*
Jaejoong was not at home.
Donghae could not comprehend a lot of things (why Saitoh was standing too close to Yehsung; why Changmin was at the apartment with them) but they didn't seem to matter right now; the one thing he could not bare to not understand right now was why Jaejoong was not at home. It was almost eight in the evening and it was raining cats and dogs outside and Jaejoong was somewhere without an umbrella.
"You're not going out in this weather, Hae."
Donghae blinked. "Hyung! How did you know I was even thinking about going out?"
Yehsung raised an eyebrow. "Lee Donghae. Have I not been beside you for years?" It was a statement that was begging to be answered by something other than I'm sorry or Yes, hyung, I know but Donghae decided to just look away. It was better like that anyway; look away and not answer when he didn't know how to answer.
"He probably visited his folks or our other friends and fell asleep there," Yehsung continued, taking a seat beside Donghae. "Jaejoong's a big boy now. He can handle himse-"
"I called all of Jaejoong's siblings," Heechul suddenly cut in, walking into the room without a premise. Donghae tried not to look hopeful (not to look at Heechul at all) but his eyes were already seeking his hyung out before he knew it. "He's not there, hasn't called them for weeks."
Yehsung put an arm around Donghae, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "Friends?"
"Changmin's calling the others we haven't called yet."
Super Junior's former dancer sighed. "Explain something to me, Heechul hyung: why is Changmin here?" The director stared at him as if he was unable to comprehend what the question was for. But before Heechul could decide if he would answer or not, Changmin poked his head inside the room.
"I think I found him."
Donghae felt his heart stop and then rev-up as if he was running on a 97-octane fueled car. "You think you found him? What do you mean you think found him?" Changmin opened his mouth to answer the older one but Donghae didn't look like he needed one. He was already crossing the room to grab his jacket and his keys.
"Where is he?" he asked as he looked for his wallet.
Changmin gripped his phone tighter, his emotions threatening to explode. He was watching every move Donghae was making, seeing everything Donghae was not even trying to conceal. "Somewhere outside-where the wind was blowing hard. Jonghyun didn't get the chance to ask where. Hyung, I-"
Yehsung caught his arm before he reached the door. "Donghae, listen. You don't know exactly where he is. Who knows where that somewhere outside is! There's a storm, Lee Donghae!" There was desperation in his voice, in the way he wanted to prevent Donghae from doing what he wanted. It wasn't because he wasn't concerned about Jaejoong's disappearance (he was, he really was) but this was Donghae. This was Donghae.
The younger one turned around, eyes staring straight into Yehsung's own. Time's a ticking and he was wasting it by trying to make everyone else understand why he was acting this way. "That's exactly why I shouldn't be sitting here, waiting for him to call, hyung! Don't you get it? He's my boyfriend. My life. I can't not do anything."
There was a pause, like the world decided this was the right moment to stop time. Yehsung had looked away, unable to take the intensity of Donghae's gaze. No matter what he did, he thought, all this man thought was of Jaejoong. Always Jaejoong.
"Donghae." This time, it was Heechul. "Why don't we split in groups, hm? Let's all look for him." He looked at everyone in the room. "Jongwoon and I will take my car. Donghae, you and Changmin can take yours. We can find him faster that way."
Changmin blinked. Had Heechul gone mad? Him and Donghae in one car, looking for that one person who occupied their minds and hearts? Seriously, Changmin thought, someone should send Heechul to the doctor. They all knew that Changmin plus Donghae wasn't a good combination.
Donghae took a deep breath. "Okay."
Changmin's eyes widened. "Okay?"
"Okay," Donghae repeated. "Get your things, Shim. We're leaving in two minutes."
*
It was the most silent car ride ever.
Changmin swore he could hear every bit of sound-making whatever inside Donghae's car (and most probably everything outside of his car, too). He was itching to say something, to ask anything, but he knew better than to do anything that would make Donghae explode. Not that him being there was enough a factor to do so.
He looked outside, watching the blur of lights and cars. The rain was pouring down harder than it had been when they left Saitoh and Leeteuk in the apartment an hour ago. The two were supposed to wait there in case Jaejoong suddenly decided to go back. He sighed; if only Jonghyun and Onew actually asked Jaejoong where he was (instead of just telling him Yunho's message), then this search would be easier.
"Answer my phone," he heard Donghae say and for a moment, he wasn't sure if the older one was talking to him. "Answer my phone," Donghae repeated and this time, Changmin did. "Hello?"
Changmin. It was Yehsung. Have you seen him?
"No. He wasn't anywhere near the Han River-which was unusual, really."
Yeah. Okay. Tell Donghae that Jonghyun and Jinki have joined the search. He relayed the message; Donghae blinked in response. Can you put me on speakerphone, Changmin? The younger one nodded, forgetting that Yehsung couldn't actually see him. Changmin? He blinked. "Oh sorry."
Donghae, can you hear me? Changmin watched as Donghae gripped the steering wheel tighter. We'll find him, okay? Trust me. We'll find him. Donghae bit his lip and looked away for a full minute before responding.
"I kno-" Donghae's eyes suddenly widened. "I think I see him!"
Changmin followed his gaze, eyes hopeful. "Where?" (You do? Yehsung asked.)
"There!" he exclaimed, hitting the breaks. Changmin could hear his heart pounding as his eyes searched through the rain. Where, the question pounded his brain; where are you, Jaejoong, he wanted to shout. And then, Changmin saw it.
There, just a few meters on front of them, was Jaejoong's car.
*
"If Jun-chan was here, this could've gotten longer."
They laughed. It was true, though; they all knew how competetive Junsu was. Jaejoong raised an eyebrow when Yunho silently urged him to go on. He knew what he was doing, thank you very much. He had been hosting this radio show for over a year now; he didn't need prompts from the leader.
"Radio name, Nontan: Whenever I watch Tohoshinki on TV, I've noticed one thing. During ballads, after Changmin finishes his part and Jaejoong starts his, I know Changmin will definitely look at him."
Jaejoong paused, an embarrassed laughter escaping his lips. He did not expect someone to notice something he never really noticed himself (well, until Yoochun broached the subject some time ago). He chanced a glance at Changmin; the latter just hummed whatever opinion he had.
"It's a feeling," he said, unsure of what it really meant.
Changmin's eyes were thoughtful as if he was backtracking. "I've never noticed it."
Yunho kicked his foot lightly. He rolled his eyes, sighing before he continued on with the letter. He almost choked at his next words. "What does Jaejoong mean to Changmin? What does it mean when he looks at Jaejoong? Does he feel insecure or anxious if he doesn't look at Jaejoong?"
This time it was Yunho who reacted, looking at the staff outside. "This is dangerous."
Jaejoong kicked his foot, telling him to stop. If this was the only way to make Changmin react, to make Changmin explain all those mixed signals, then Yunho should just shut the hell up about what this could do to their reputation.
"Or is this simply one of Changmin's unconscious habits?"
Habit, huh, Jaejoong thought as we waited for the magnae's answer. Somehow, this reminded him of Coffee Prince. Didn't Gong Yoo's character describe the person he loved as a habit? He almost smiled; heck, he'd settle for that.
"It's not an unconscious habit or anything," Changmin said, shrugging. "僕 に とて ジェジュン は ジェジュン です 。其れ丈 ですよ。(For me, Jaejoong is Jaejoong and that's that.) It doesn't mean anything."
Jaejoong gulped, an embarrassed laugh escaping his lips. Not even a habit, huh.
"In his head, Changmin might be thinking, 'I don't like Jaejoong'-"
"いやいやいやいや。 好き よ。 (Nononono. I like you.)"
From the corner of his eye, he saw Yunho blink, choke and then finally laugh as realization finally dawned on Changmin. Ha, Jaejoong thought; the magnae and his big mouth. That would teach him. He sighed inwardly, eyes falling on Yunho. He was looking at him, seeing everything that Changmin couldn't (wouldn't). Sloppy defenses, he was telling Jaejoong.
Jaejoong just turned his attention back to Changmin.
"But on the other hand, Changmin could really be thinking that he really likes me."
"They might misinterpret you. You see, I only like girls."
"What about the members, then? Don't you like them?"
Really sloppy defenses.
Donghae sighed, fingers intertwined with Jaejoong's freezing ones. It had been five hours since they found him freezing in his car. Jaejoong had run out of gas and his mobile phone had also run out of battery when the rain suddenly poured. He looked like he had tried to push the car all the way home (which was suicidal, really, because he was hundreds of miles away from home) and had fainted while he was doing so.
"Wake up, baby," he whispered, softly kissing Jaejoong's hand. Sure, Jaejoong's fever had gone done in the past few hours but he still had chills. He couldn't stand not being able to do anything but hold Jaejoong's hand and wish that he would finally open his eyes.
"みない- (Don't look-)"
Donghae blinked, eyes widening with hope. His grip tightened. "Jaejoong hyung?" It was faint, he knew, but he definitely heard something. Jaejoong had said something, murmured something he could not-
"みないでよ、 チャンミン。 (Don't look at me, Changmin.)"
-(He gulped, grip loosening.) understand.
*
Yehsung could sense that something was wrong.
Of course, he thought, something was still wrong. They had to leave Jonghyun, Onew and Leeteuk in charge of the hospitalized Jaejoong because as much as Heechul was still extremely worried about his dongsaeng, they all understood that they could not put everything on hold just because of him. They were running on a budget and if Heechul couldn't deliver, he'd get all the blame.
And yet, this thing Yehsung was sensing wasn't about that.
He watched as Donghae and Changmin finished each of their scenes with efficiency he hasn't seen before. They weren't talking to each other unless the scene required them to do so but, Yehsung thought, there wasn't anything new about that. Everyone knew that Donghae and Changmin haven't been in speaking terms since day one.
"Donghae," he called the younger as he passed by. The latter paused but did not look at him. "Worried about Jaejoong?" he asked (the question was unnecessary, though). Donghae sighed. "Hyung, do you ever stop loving someone?"
Yehsung blinked. He certainly did not expect that question. "What happened, Hae?"
Donghae repeated the question; this time, he looked at the older one. "Do you, hyung?"
The former lead singer gulped, looking away. He knew the answer; Donghae had hit a home run with that question, after all. It was a dangerous question to answer, though; he could risk baring his heart if he ever said anything.
"Donghae-kun!" they heard Saitoh call the younger one and for once in his life, Yehsung wanted to kiss the older man. "Jungsu-kun called. Jaejoong-kun's looking for you."
*
"Hey," Jaejoong croaked, a smile curving his lips.
Donghae grinned back. "Hey."
Monosyllabic exchanges, Jaejoong thought, was not a good sign. But then again, Donghae rushed to his side after to it so maybe he was just reading too much into it. He let the younger one hold him tight, burying his face on Donghae's shoulder. He missed this-Donghae, the hug, the emotion flowing through them.
Except that Jaejoong could sense something other than happiness there.
"Hey, Hae," he said, still snuggling. Donghae made a humming sound, a sign that he was listening but was unwilling to let go. "I've been meaning to talk to you. About us and about Changmin."
The younger one stiffened.
"I'm afraid, Donghae. I'm afraid his presence-this seemingly, supposedly non-existent past that I have with him-will destroy us. I'm afraid-" He paused, closing his eyes. "I'm afraid that what I can't forget could destroy us."
Donghae was struggling, shaking in Jaejoong's arms. He was trying not to cry-that much Jaejoong could surmise even from his boyfriend's silence. Jaejoong clung tighter; he wanted Donghae to know that, yes, he was afraid but that didn't mean he was going to give into fear.
"I'm afraid, too."
Jaejoong held his breath and waited. Donghae had stopped shaking but his voice was devoid of the confidence it usually held. "You said his name, you know." Jaejoong's eyes flew open; he did what? "You were speaking in Japanese," Donghae continued with a humorless laugh; the older one knew what that laugh was for. Speaking (dreaming) in Japanese when he was in Korea. Great.
"みないでよ、 チャンミン。 (Don't look at me, Changmin.)-that's what you said. I don't know why you were telling him not to look at you, though." There was a sigh. "Does he have a habit of staring at you?"
Jaejoong closed his eyes again, memories flooding his mind. He knew what Donghae was pertaining to: that BigEastation recording they had. A fan noticed this thing Changmin did (the magnae would hate to call it a habit because, as he always pointed out, it wasn't) whenever his part would come before Jaejoong's.
"No," Jaejoong answered. "It's not a habit."
"But he did stare at you a lot." It wasn't a question. Jaejoong didn't answer; he didn't have one anyway (they were all speculations). Another sigh. "I don't think you'll ever forget him, hyung." Jaejoong's eyes widened; what was Donghae saying? "Not while you haven't forgiven him, no."
Donghae pushed him away lightly, holding him at arm's length. He was looking at Jaejoong in the softest, gentlest, and most loving way Jaejoong has ever seen him do since he confessed. He mapped Jaejoong's face slowly, pausing when Jaejoong took his hand in his.
"Time to forgive him, Jae. That's the only way you'll ever let him go."
Jaejoong squeezed his hand. "If I do, will I stop being afraid?"
Donghae smiled.
*
“Has Changmin hyung asked him out? On a friendly get-together of sorts, I mean,” Yoohwan asked as he settled between his brother and Junsu. Yoochun glared at him. “Let’s exchange boyfriends for today, hyung,” Yoohwan said, grinning widely. “Scoot over to Junho hyung’s side, won’t you?”
Yoochun had a perfectly good argument somewhere in the tip of his tongue but the other Kim twin beat him to it. Junho rolled his eyes. “I am not your boyfriend, Park.” Yoohwan shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I want to sit beside Junsu hyung today.”
“You always want to sit beside Junsu, Ricky.”
“You always sit on him, hyung.”
He wanted to physically remove Yoohwan from his position but Junsu looked at him and reached for his hand. “It’s okay. Sit with Junho hyung for today.” Yoochun almost wanted to kick his brother when he saw that grin on the younger one’s face but he just sighed. Now was not the time and this wasn’t the place for such childish fights.
“Why are we here at Time Out, again?” Junho asked, taking a cone from Yoohwan.
“I wanted some ice cream,” Junsu answered. When everyone just looked at him, he sighed. “Fine. That and I have some progress report.” Junho rolled his eyes; he had never approved of these so-called meetings but he was curious. And well, curiosity always gets the cat (or duck, Yoochun would say). It was unusual, though, not to see Yunho and Hyukjae with them. “Progress?” echoed Yoohwan. “That means Changmin hyung asked him out and Jaejoong hyung said yes, right?”
“Well, not exactly.”
It was hard to explain, Junsu thought, but he did so anyway. “Changmin called and told me that Jae hyung’s beginning to be comfortable with him.” He paused. “He didn’t explain how, though. He was in a hurry. He sounded like he was calling from the set.” Yoohwan watched how his brother and the Kim twins all had their eyebrows knitted together. There was something bugging all of them, something that they couldn’t put a finger on.
Funny, Yoohwan thought, this news was supposed to be good.
“Are we sure that Jae hyung’s comfortable or is Jae hyung being professional?” Yoochun finally voiced out. They all knew that Jaejoong could disregard his personal feelings if he wanted to. He had done so before and they knew he was capable of doing that again. No one and nothing was an exception.
“Changmin’s sees it differently,” Junho said. “He’s supposed to anyway.” Everyone agreed. Somehow, it gave Changmin's situation gave him this free pass to interpret everything Jaejoong did (or did not do) differently. It was, by principle, wrong but even if they did tell the Dong Bang Shin Ki magnae that, it would just fall on deaf ears.
“I’m afraid of one thing, though,” Junsu said, putting his spoon down.
“What is that?” Yoohwan asked.
"What happens next?"
*
Hey, stranger. How have you been doing?
It has been a month since that first awkward day with Jaejoong, a month since he started trying to win Jaejoong back. It was hard, he had to admit; he wasn’t only going up against Donghae, after all. Yehsung was also protecting the JaeHae couple and his hyung had always been a formidable opponent.
“I’ve been making progress, Kyu,” he replied, smiling. It was their day off-the first in a month-and the first on his list of things to do was to call his best friend. Well, at least one of them. He was still unsure about Kibum, what with that kiss that shouldn’t have been a kiss and all.
And by progress, you mean-?
“Well, he’s smiled at me.”
-smiled. You call that progress, Changmin?
He would’ve probably punched Kyuhyun by now but his best friend was safe in his house, comforted by the fact that Changmin wouldn’t be able to hurt him physically. “Yes, I’m calling it progress, Cho. He never even looked at me before that.” He paused, plopping on Yunho and Hyukjae’s couch. “Well, he only looks at me when the scenes call for it but never after Heechul hyung calls out ‘cut’.”
Fine. I’ll call that progress.
Changmin laughed. Trust Kyuhyun to see logic and be bitter about being proven wrong. “By the way, how’s Kibum?” He tried to sound as casual as he could but he could feel his heart pounding. This was one of those days where-His eyes widened; he heard something crash on Kyuhyun’s end of the line. “Kyuhyun? Are you alright? What happened?”
His best friend laughed (it sounded a little strained, though; he wondered why). The stupid plate slipped. Dammit. “Use a broom to get the glass shards-” Oh fuck. Dammit. Changmin shook his head. Maybe he should get dressed and go to Kyuhyun’s to rescue the poor lad. “Really, Kyuhyun. Since when did you become clumsy? And you know you shouldn’t be touching-”
Not exactly the best time to be my mother, Shim.
“Sorry. I was just worried.” He sighed. “Look, I’m coming down there-”
No, Changmin. I’m fine. Don’t come. I’ll just-I’ll just talk to you later, okay? Bye.
Kyuhyun quickly ended the call and ran towards the sink. Dammit, he thought as he cleaned the cut on his hand; why did Changmin have to ask about Kibum? He hasn’t seen nor heard the latter since that scene in Kibum’s apartment. They had parted ways without talking about his unusual behavior and he was thankful that Kibum hadn’t pursued the subject further. He wasn’t exactly prepared to tell Kibum everything.
No, he thought; he needed more time.
Or rather, Kibum needed time to realize that Changmin will always been in love with Jaejoong.
“Do you really plan to drown that hand of yours?”
He almost jumped, almost injured his hand again by accidentally hitting the faucet. “Kibum,” he breathed and the other was standing beside him (close, too close; he could forget to breathe). Kibum’s lips were curved in a small smile, he noticed. He turned the faucet off and gently took Kyuhyun’s injured hand in his. “You should be putting some antiseptic on this. Where’s your first aid kit?”
Kyuhyun gulped. “I’m going to risk sounding like a damsel in distress in a movie and ask why you’re here.”
“And I’m going to risk sounding like your leading man and say I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier.”
There was a pause in the air because they both know that they’ve broken some ancient oath of never pretending to be your best friend’s leading man. Kyuhyun was expecting Kibum to laugh that sentence away and they’d forget they ever said anything remotely like it. But Kibum wasn’t laughing; he was just holding Kyuhyun’s hand, looking at it as if it was the most interesting in the world.
Which, Kyuhyun was sure, it wasn’t.
“I’m sorry I got pissed off at you,” Kibum said, his voice just above a whisper. “I was trying too much, trying to make Changmin see that perhaps Jaejoong hyung isn’t the one for him, that I forgot how much it would hurt because Changmin has never seen it that way.”
Kyuhyun gulped. “You love him, that’s why you can forget yourself.”
“It’s not an excuse to get mad at you, though. You were protecting me, Kyu. You were looking after me.”
It wasn’t the kind of thing Kyuhyun thought he’d hear Kibum say, especially since Kibum was actually older than him. Kibum was the one who should be looking after him, not the other way around. He sighed; there was no point in arguing that point there. He smiled; and here he was thinking about how hard this facing-Kibum-again business would be when Kibum was actually the one having a hard time.
“Maybe we should switch roles. You’ll be the damsel in distress and I’ll be your leading man.”
A wide smile spread across Kibum’s face. “With your hand like that? Try again, mademoiselle.”
22 | 24
Check-in. Check-out.
No Show Fee: o1 | o2 | o3 | o4 | o5.a | o5.b | o6 | st, boarding pass | o7.a | o7.b. | o7.c | o7.d | o8.a | o8.b | o8.c | o8.d | o8.e | o9 | 1o | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 2o | 21 | 22
yumeyana
dong bang shin ki / super junior | JaeMin, JaeHae, YehHae
PG-13 - NC-17 / drama, angst, humor, romance
They say love waits. But the question always is, until when? Tension rises several notches higher and Heechul tries everything to salvage the situation. It's the unexpected downpour (and an MIA Jaejoong), however, that sews everything up-even the unlikely couple of Changmin and Donghae.
[crossposted at hug______, miracle______, _starcandy.]
Author's Notes: I finally finished part 23. Ugh. I've been trying to finish this for months, believe me. It came out longer than I expected it to be but hey, I know you won't mind. Hehe.
Disclaimers: None of the SM Entertainment and DSP artists mentioned below belong to me. The translation of BigEastation's 95th broadcast was done by whisperpuppies; I just tweaked it a little. Only the plot is mine.
No Show Fee: Expected Time of Departure
“These meetings have become increasingly frequent,” Junho remarked as Junsu opened the door. His dongsaeng smiled and let him in. “So has the need for it,” Junsu replied. His brother raised an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. Junsu just shrugged and said, “Take a seat, hyung. We might need an outsider’s opinion.”
Junho wanted to comment on how he wasn’t needed there-how the restaurant and the shop needed him-but the look on Junsu’s face sealed his lips. He sighed; fine, he thought. He was staying.
“Ah, the pizza’s here!” Yunho exclaimed as he walked into the room. “Hey, Junho,” he greeted, taking the two boxes of pizza off the other Kim’s hands. “Hyung’s joining us,” Junsu said, settling down on one of the plush couches.
Yunho just nodded like there was no need for any explanation.
“Hey, Junho,” both Yoochun and Hyukjae greeted as they settled down beside their respective boyfriends. For a moment there, Junho felt really out of place. “I’m beginning to think that this is a couple’s conference,” he commented. Yoochun laughed. “Don't worry. You’re no shrink, Kim Junho.”
He rolled his eyes. “Such warm words, Park Yoochun. Thank you.”
Yoochun blew a kiss his way. “Get yourself a boyfriend.”
"If my relationship is going to be in the hands of people like you, nevermind."
*
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Jihoo yah~
김현중。said:
Hyung, can’t you read? My name’s not ‘Jihoo’.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Jihoo yah~
김현중。said:
Yes? What’s the matter, hyung?
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Can I be your Geum Jandi for a while?
I don’t think Youngsaeng would mind.
김현중。said:
…
He says he doesn’t.
Why do you need a firefighter when you have Donghae?
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Changmin’s back.
김현중。said:
I know. It’s all over the news.
Is this what this is all about?
…
You’re having second thoughts about Donghae.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
I didn’t say that, idiot.
I love Donghae very much.
김현중。said:
There’s a ‘but’ somewhere there.
Youngsaeng says we can come and take you out on a drive if you want to.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Tell Youngsaeng I love him for the offer of whisking me away
from the tyranny that is Kim Heechul but he’s chained us to the set.
김현중。said:
He says that you can ask Taeyeon to grant you a wish.
Ugh. I am not a messenger!
HYUNG!
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
LOL.
Sorry, dongsaeng-deul.
김현중。said:
Hyung, you didn’t answer my question.
Yah. Geum Jandi.
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
Oh. Sorry.
I love Donghae very much but Changmin…
Idk. I think this drama is making me go crazy.
I feel like I’m reenacting my whole life before it has even happened.
김현중。said:
Hm.
Have you talked to Donghae?
sexy bb kjj ( 一ご一へ。) said:
I want to but we've all been busy.
김현중。said:
Talk to him, Jandi.
*
"CUT!" Heechul's voice rang clearly, slicing through the silence in the air. It was the tenth time that day, Jaejoong counted bitterly; it was the tenth mistake he made. He hasn't been this horrible since the first time he tried his hand at acting. And that was decades ago.
"Take a breather for ten minutes, everyone," he heard Heechul say over the megaphone. "Jaejoong, come with me." He sighed, hanging his head low. He was in deep shit. Heechul will not be impressed with his more than awful performance. Perhaps he should apologize (again) for making messing everything up (again). He shook his head; that might make Heechul even more displeased with him.
"You're going to bump into me if you keep looking down like that, Kim Jaejoong."
Jaejoong breathed in sharply, snapping his head up when he heard Heechul's voice. True to the director's previous statement, he was only a few inches away from Heechul. "I'm sorry," he said; it was out before he could even think about not saying it because hell was going to break lose in three, two, one.
"Take the day off, Jae. You look like hell."
Dong Bang Shin Ki's former lead singer blinked. "Could you repeat that?" he asked, unsure if he heard Heechul right. The latter rolled his eyes, something that clearly read I don't like repeating myself, dongsaeng. "Never mind," Jaejoong said. "Thank you, hyung. I'll be back in an hou-"
"No."
"No?"
Heechul sighed, pulling Jaejoong close in a tight hug. "Hyung&mdash?" he started to ask but Heechul shook his head, silencing him. "I know that these past few weeks have been difficult and I'm sorry I haven't been your hyung while this has been happening." Jaejoong's eyes widened; he tried to push Heechul away to look in his eyes and tell him that he was wrong and he has been a very good hyung right from the start but Heechul resisted, tightening his hold on the younger one.
"Shh. Listen to me, okay?"
When Jaejoong nodded, he continued. "Jungsu's here because I can't handle being your hyung and director at the same time-Jaejoong, dammit, listen to me!-and he knew I needed help. I'm trying to be your hyung now so listen to me and take a break, okay? Don't come back until you feel better. I can film the other scenes while you're away. Do you understand me?"
Jaejoong's first instinct was to retaliate but Heechul's voice was almost pleading him to take a break. He sighed; snaking his arms around his hyung's waist, he snuggled a 'yes'. Heechul seemed to have understood it; he could feel a smile curving his hyung's lips. "I'll be back by dinnertime, okay? I'll make anything you want me to." Heechul laughed softly. "Anything, hm? I like the sound of that."
"Just promise me one thing, though."
"Since I'm particularly giving today, sure."
"Never ever think that you're not a good enough hyung, okay?"
Heechul's eyes widened, softening a few seconds after. "Fair enough, dongsaeng."
*
"Jonghyun."
Hyung! Thank heavens you answered!
Jaejoong lazily plucked a blade of grass, twirling it in his hand. "Why were you looking for me, Hyun?" he asked, curious as to why Jonghyun sounded like someone had turned the whole country upside down to look for him. Which, Jaejoong thought, was ironic since Heechul instructed him to disappear for a while (well, not exactly but that was almost what his hyung meant).
Hyukjae hyung called Minho, asking if he's seen you. Minho didn't and he called me to ask if I saw you which, of course, I haven't since Teukie hyung's welcome home party. For a moment there, he considered telling Jonghyun to get to the point but the younger boy's voice was a beginning to be a welcome distraction. "Why was Hyukjae looking for me?" The answer was something Jaejoong was trying to forget, really, but it was good to know what it looked like from another person's point of view. I asked the same thing, too, but Minho said Hyukjae hyung didn't tell him.
"Oh?" Now, he was curious why Hyukjae was so tongue-tied about it.
But then Yunho hyung called Jinki a few minutes after- Jaejoong noticed the loss of honorific after Onew's name (so cute, he thought) and he would bet his new car that there was a perfectly juicy story behind it. -and he was looking for you, too! "Did Yunho tell Jinki why he called?" He could almost see Jonghyun nodding, bubbling with whatever emotion he was sure Onew was holding back. Assuming that Onew was there, of course.
You caught them making out.
Jaejoong laughed, its sound loudly spilling from his lips. Yunho actually told Onew that he caught him making out. What the hell, he wanted to tell Yunho; making out was not the right term to use for what they were doing. But I guess it was more than that, huh, hyung? He tried reigning in his laughter but Jonghyun had caught on and he could hear Onew's reprimanding voice from the other end of the line (so, he was right; Onew was there).
"You could say that, dongsaeng."
You really caught them in the middle of-we're old enough to say it, Jinki!
Jaejoong couldn't help it anymore. "Tell Jinki you're even old enough to be doing it."
Jinki, Jaejoong hyung says we're old enough to be doing-HYUNG! Jaejoong doubled over; this continuous laughter was threatening to cut off his oxygen supply, really. "What? It's not as if you haven't." He paused, raising an eyebrow. Jonghyun seemed to have lost his capacity to speak. "Yah, dongsaeng. Don't tell me you haven't-" Wehaveokayshhh, came his quick reply. UGH. JIN- There was a struggle at the other end and for a moment, Jaejoong considered putting the phone down. God knew he couldn't endure hearing another round of moaning after what he heard from Yunho and Hyukjae's apartment.
I'm sorry for that, hyung. It was Onew this time. The strained tone in the younger one's voice made Jaejoong chuckle. "You're too hard on him, Jinki." The former SHINee leader choked. Hyung, I-we-you- "Oh I don't think my boyfriend would want me to join in, dubu. But if you're up to it-"
YUNHOHYUNGWANTSTOKNOWWHEREYOUAREANDWANTSTOTALKTOYOUSOCALLHIMPLEASETHANKYOUBYE.
Another round of laughter filled the air as Jaejoong heard Onew put the phone down. He hasn't laughed this much over something stupid in a long time, he thought (The next time he needed a place where he could escape, he'd pick Onew and Jonghyun's flat.). Come to think about it, he hasn't really laughed all that much since Changmin appeared in his life again.
He sighed.
Fate was cruel, really. He finally found the courage to let go of a love that was never his, he thought, sitting up. He found Donghae, found a love that made him feel whole again. Then Changmin decided to crash the party and be that stupid character in the movie who confesses his love a lifetime too late.
And just like any movie, that particular gate crasher just has to destroy him again.
He plopped down on the grass bed again, eyes on the sky above him. The late afternoon sun was still shining brightly. He remembered afternoons like this: afternoons with Changmin and afternoons with Donghae. A Changmin-afternoon was kind of like playing charades and never really getting anywhere. No matter what Jaejoong did to make Changmin understand that this is the kind of life he wanted to live with Changmin, the younger one was stuck on the first syllable and what was the that gesture again?
Yeah. That frustrating.
A Donghae-afternoon, on the other hand, was like playing on the sandpit with someone who could understand that there needs to be a tower here and a moat somewhere there. No crossed signals, no reconstruction going on signs. And on top of the highest tower would be a single flag with two colors: one for you, the other for him. It was, Jaejoong thought, like having a scoop of his favorite ice cream.
He closed his eyes, tired and frustrated. The thing he hated most about all of this was that he loved working on puzzles as much as he loved eating ice cream. That meant he was fucking back to square one of the fucking crossroad.
Ugh.
*
"What the-" Heechul picked the megaphone up. "Pack up, people. Now!"
Heechul helped his cast and crew clear the place up and save the equipment from the untimely downpour. He had watched the news this morning and there was no report about buckets of rain interrupting his filming. He sighed. "I guess we're calling it a day, guys," he said as the cast and crew gathered around him. "We'll just resume early tomorrow morning... say five?" Everyone nodded; at least they were going to have an early night.
"Hyung!" It was hard to say whether it was Donghae or Changmin who was calling him; they were both approaching him with concerned looks. "Has Jaejoong hyung called?" Again, Heechul thought, with the synchronization. He checked his phone, noticing that it was already seven in the evening.
"I'm sure he's just busy preparing dinner," he said. "You know how he is."
Donghae was staring at his phone, willing it to ring or whatever. Changmin, on the other hand, was quiet as if he didn't know what he should say or if he was in the position to say anything. Heechul sighed, not really knowing how to handle his dongsaeng deul. Fortunately, Yehsung seemed to have developed some kind of psychic powers; the latter was already approaching them even before Heechul could telepathically ask for help.
"Have you tried calling him?" Saitoh asked, closely watching Yehsung as the smaller one wrapped his arms around Donghae. Heechul shook his head. "Jaejoong doesn't usually answer his phone when he's cooking," he said but he was already dialing Jaejoong's number. Leeteuk had appeared in the middle of the conversation and had taken the responsibility of stopping Changmin from taking his phone apart.
Jaejoong's phone rang three times. Five. Ten.
"He's not answering," Heechul said, frustrated. He tried again and waited for ten more unanswered rings before canceling the call. "Let's just go home. The rain's pouring and Jaejoong must be drowning the whole house with music."
He glanced at Changmin. "Come with us."
Leeteuk met his eyes, waiting for him to explain what Heechul was trying to do. Heechul shrugged; both of them knew that they couldn't send Changmin off while the younger one looked lost. "But-" It was clear that Changmin knew why Jaejoong had been off these past few days and him going to the apartment unannounced was like walking into a battle without the proper weapon in his hand.
"Come with us." And this time, Heechul demanded it.
*
Jaejoong was not at home.
Donghae could not comprehend a lot of things (why Saitoh was standing too close to Yehsung; why Changmin was at the apartment with them) but they didn't seem to matter right now; the one thing he could not bare to not understand right now was why Jaejoong was not at home. It was almost eight in the evening and it was raining cats and dogs outside and Jaejoong was somewhere without an umbrella.
"You're not going out in this weather, Hae."
Donghae blinked. "Hyung! How did you know I was even thinking about going out?"
Yehsung raised an eyebrow. "Lee Donghae. Have I not been beside you for years?" It was a statement that was begging to be answered by something other than I'm sorry or Yes, hyung, I know but Donghae decided to just look away. It was better like that anyway; look away and not answer when he didn't know how to answer.
"He probably visited his folks or our other friends and fell asleep there," Yehsung continued, taking a seat beside Donghae. "Jaejoong's a big boy now. He can handle himse-"
"I called all of Jaejoong's siblings," Heechul suddenly cut in, walking into the room without a premise. Donghae tried not to look hopeful (not to look at Heechul at all) but his eyes were already seeking his hyung out before he knew it. "He's not there, hasn't called them for weeks."
Yehsung put an arm around Donghae, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "Friends?"
"Changmin's calling the others we haven't called yet."
Super Junior's former dancer sighed. "Explain something to me, Heechul hyung: why is Changmin here?" The director stared at him as if he was unable to comprehend what the question was for. But before Heechul could decide if he would answer or not, Changmin poked his head inside the room.
"I think I found him."
Donghae felt his heart stop and then rev-up as if he was running on a 97-octane fueled car. "You think you found him? What do you mean you think found him?" Changmin opened his mouth to answer the older one but Donghae didn't look like he needed one. He was already crossing the room to grab his jacket and his keys.
"Where is he?" he asked as he looked for his wallet.
Changmin gripped his phone tighter, his emotions threatening to explode. He was watching every move Donghae was making, seeing everything Donghae was not even trying to conceal. "Somewhere outside-where the wind was blowing hard. Jonghyun didn't get the chance to ask where. Hyung, I-"
Yehsung caught his arm before he reached the door. "Donghae, listen. You don't know exactly where he is. Who knows where that somewhere outside is! There's a storm, Lee Donghae!" There was desperation in his voice, in the way he wanted to prevent Donghae from doing what he wanted. It wasn't because he wasn't concerned about Jaejoong's disappearance (he was, he really was) but this was Donghae. This was Donghae.
The younger one turned around, eyes staring straight into Yehsung's own. Time's a ticking and he was wasting it by trying to make everyone else understand why he was acting this way. "That's exactly why I shouldn't be sitting here, waiting for him to call, hyung! Don't you get it? He's my boyfriend. My life. I can't not do anything."
There was a pause, like the world decided this was the right moment to stop time. Yehsung had looked away, unable to take the intensity of Donghae's gaze. No matter what he did, he thought, all this man thought was of Jaejoong. Always Jaejoong.
"Donghae." This time, it was Heechul. "Why don't we split in groups, hm? Let's all look for him." He looked at everyone in the room. "Jongwoon and I will take my car. Donghae, you and Changmin can take yours. We can find him faster that way."
Changmin blinked. Had Heechul gone mad? Him and Donghae in one car, looking for that one person who occupied their minds and hearts? Seriously, Changmin thought, someone should send Heechul to the doctor. They all knew that Changmin plus Donghae wasn't a good combination.
Donghae took a deep breath. "Okay."
Changmin's eyes widened. "Okay?"
"Okay," Donghae repeated. "Get your things, Shim. We're leaving in two minutes."
*
It was the most silent car ride ever.
Changmin swore he could hear every bit of sound-making whatever inside Donghae's car (and most probably everything outside of his car, too). He was itching to say something, to ask anything, but he knew better than to do anything that would make Donghae explode. Not that him being there was enough a factor to do so.
He looked outside, watching the blur of lights and cars. The rain was pouring down harder than it had been when they left Saitoh and Leeteuk in the apartment an hour ago. The two were supposed to wait there in case Jaejoong suddenly decided to go back. He sighed; if only Jonghyun and Onew actually asked Jaejoong where he was (instead of just telling him Yunho's message), then this search would be easier.
"Answer my phone," he heard Donghae say and for a moment, he wasn't sure if the older one was talking to him. "Answer my phone," Donghae repeated and this time, Changmin did. "Hello?"
Changmin. It was Yehsung. Have you seen him?
"No. He wasn't anywhere near the Han River-which was unusual, really."
Yeah. Okay. Tell Donghae that Jonghyun and Jinki have joined the search. He relayed the message; Donghae blinked in response. Can you put me on speakerphone, Changmin? The younger one nodded, forgetting that Yehsung couldn't actually see him. Changmin? He blinked. "Oh sorry."
Donghae, can you hear me? Changmin watched as Donghae gripped the steering wheel tighter. We'll find him, okay? Trust me. We'll find him. Donghae bit his lip and looked away for a full minute before responding.
"I kno-" Donghae's eyes suddenly widened. "I think I see him!"
Changmin followed his gaze, eyes hopeful. "Where?" (You do? Yehsung asked.)
"There!" he exclaimed, hitting the breaks. Changmin could hear his heart pounding as his eyes searched through the rain. Where, the question pounded his brain; where are you, Jaejoong, he wanted to shout. And then, Changmin saw it.
There, just a few meters on front of them, was Jaejoong's car.
*
"If Jun-chan was here, this could've gotten longer."
They laughed. It was true, though; they all knew how competetive Junsu was. Jaejoong raised an eyebrow when Yunho silently urged him to go on. He knew what he was doing, thank you very much. He had been hosting this radio show for over a year now; he didn't need prompts from the leader.
"Radio name, Nontan: Whenever I watch Tohoshinki on TV, I've noticed one thing. During ballads, after Changmin finishes his part and Jaejoong starts his, I know Changmin will definitely look at him."
Jaejoong paused, an embarrassed laughter escaping his lips. He did not expect someone to notice something he never really noticed himself (well, until Yoochun broached the subject some time ago). He chanced a glance at Changmin; the latter just hummed whatever opinion he had.
"It's a feeling," he said, unsure of what it really meant.
Changmin's eyes were thoughtful as if he was backtracking. "I've never noticed it."
Yunho kicked his foot lightly. He rolled his eyes, sighing before he continued on with the letter. He almost choked at his next words. "What does Jaejoong mean to Changmin? What does it mean when he looks at Jaejoong? Does he feel insecure or anxious if he doesn't look at Jaejoong?"
This time it was Yunho who reacted, looking at the staff outside. "This is dangerous."
Jaejoong kicked his foot, telling him to stop. If this was the only way to make Changmin react, to make Changmin explain all those mixed signals, then Yunho should just shut the hell up about what this could do to their reputation.
"Or is this simply one of Changmin's unconscious habits?"
Habit, huh, Jaejoong thought as we waited for the magnae's answer. Somehow, this reminded him of Coffee Prince. Didn't Gong Yoo's character describe the person he loved as a habit? He almost smiled; heck, he'd settle for that.
"It's not an unconscious habit or anything," Changmin said, shrugging. "僕 に とて ジェジュン は ジェジュン です 。其れ丈 ですよ。(For me, Jaejoong is Jaejoong and that's that.) It doesn't mean anything."
Jaejoong gulped, an embarrassed laugh escaping his lips. Not even a habit, huh.
"In his head, Changmin might be thinking, 'I don't like Jaejoong'-"
"いやいやいやいや。 好き よ。 (Nononono. I like you.)"
From the corner of his eye, he saw Yunho blink, choke and then finally laugh as realization finally dawned on Changmin. Ha, Jaejoong thought; the magnae and his big mouth. That would teach him. He sighed inwardly, eyes falling on Yunho. He was looking at him, seeing everything that Changmin couldn't (wouldn't). Sloppy defenses, he was telling Jaejoong.
Jaejoong just turned his attention back to Changmin.
"But on the other hand, Changmin could really be thinking that he really likes me."
"They might misinterpret you. You see, I only like girls."
"What about the members, then? Don't you like them?"
Really sloppy defenses.
Donghae sighed, fingers intertwined with Jaejoong's freezing ones. It had been five hours since they found him freezing in his car. Jaejoong had run out of gas and his mobile phone had also run out of battery when the rain suddenly poured. He looked like he had tried to push the car all the way home (which was suicidal, really, because he was hundreds of miles away from home) and had fainted while he was doing so.
"Wake up, baby," he whispered, softly kissing Jaejoong's hand. Sure, Jaejoong's fever had gone done in the past few hours but he still had chills. He couldn't stand not being able to do anything but hold Jaejoong's hand and wish that he would finally open his eyes.
"みない- (Don't look-)"
Donghae blinked, eyes widening with hope. His grip tightened. "Jaejoong hyung?" It was faint, he knew, but he definitely heard something. Jaejoong had said something, murmured something he could not-
"みないでよ、 チャンミン。 (Don't look at me, Changmin.)"
-(He gulped, grip loosening.) understand.
*
Yehsung could sense that something was wrong.
Of course, he thought, something was still wrong. They had to leave Jonghyun, Onew and Leeteuk in charge of the hospitalized Jaejoong because as much as Heechul was still extremely worried about his dongsaeng, they all understood that they could not put everything on hold just because of him. They were running on a budget and if Heechul couldn't deliver, he'd get all the blame.
And yet, this thing Yehsung was sensing wasn't about that.
He watched as Donghae and Changmin finished each of their scenes with efficiency he hasn't seen before. They weren't talking to each other unless the scene required them to do so but, Yehsung thought, there wasn't anything new about that. Everyone knew that Donghae and Changmin haven't been in speaking terms since day one.
"Donghae," he called the younger as he passed by. The latter paused but did not look at him. "Worried about Jaejoong?" he asked (the question was unnecessary, though). Donghae sighed. "Hyung, do you ever stop loving someone?"
Yehsung blinked. He certainly did not expect that question. "What happened, Hae?"
Donghae repeated the question; this time, he looked at the older one. "Do you, hyung?"
The former lead singer gulped, looking away. He knew the answer; Donghae had hit a home run with that question, after all. It was a dangerous question to answer, though; he could risk baring his heart if he ever said anything.
"Donghae-kun!" they heard Saitoh call the younger one and for once in his life, Yehsung wanted to kiss the older man. "Jungsu-kun called. Jaejoong-kun's looking for you."
*
"Hey," Jaejoong croaked, a smile curving his lips.
Donghae grinned back. "Hey."
Monosyllabic exchanges, Jaejoong thought, was not a good sign. But then again, Donghae rushed to his side after to it so maybe he was just reading too much into it. He let the younger one hold him tight, burying his face on Donghae's shoulder. He missed this-Donghae, the hug, the emotion flowing through them.
Except that Jaejoong could sense something other than happiness there.
"Hey, Hae," he said, still snuggling. Donghae made a humming sound, a sign that he was listening but was unwilling to let go. "I've been meaning to talk to you. About us and about Changmin."
The younger one stiffened.
"I'm afraid, Donghae. I'm afraid his presence-this seemingly, supposedly non-existent past that I have with him-will destroy us. I'm afraid-" He paused, closing his eyes. "I'm afraid that what I can't forget could destroy us."
Donghae was struggling, shaking in Jaejoong's arms. He was trying not to cry-that much Jaejoong could surmise even from his boyfriend's silence. Jaejoong clung tighter; he wanted Donghae to know that, yes, he was afraid but that didn't mean he was going to give into fear.
"I'm afraid, too."
Jaejoong held his breath and waited. Donghae had stopped shaking but his voice was devoid of the confidence it usually held. "You said his name, you know." Jaejoong's eyes flew open; he did what? "You were speaking in Japanese," Donghae continued with a humorless laugh; the older one knew what that laugh was for. Speaking (dreaming) in Japanese when he was in Korea. Great.
"みないでよ、 チャンミン。 (Don't look at me, Changmin.)-that's what you said. I don't know why you were telling him not to look at you, though." There was a sigh. "Does he have a habit of staring at you?"
Jaejoong closed his eyes again, memories flooding his mind. He knew what Donghae was pertaining to: that BigEastation recording they had. A fan noticed this thing Changmin did (the magnae would hate to call it a habit because, as he always pointed out, it wasn't) whenever his part would come before Jaejoong's.
"No," Jaejoong answered. "It's not a habit."
"But he did stare at you a lot." It wasn't a question. Jaejoong didn't answer; he didn't have one anyway (they were all speculations). Another sigh. "I don't think you'll ever forget him, hyung." Jaejoong's eyes widened; what was Donghae saying? "Not while you haven't forgiven him, no."
Donghae pushed him away lightly, holding him at arm's length. He was looking at Jaejoong in the softest, gentlest, and most loving way Jaejoong has ever seen him do since he confessed. He mapped Jaejoong's face slowly, pausing when Jaejoong took his hand in his.
"Time to forgive him, Jae. That's the only way you'll ever let him go."
Jaejoong squeezed his hand. "If I do, will I stop being afraid?"
Donghae smiled.
*
“Has Changmin hyung asked him out? On a friendly get-together of sorts, I mean,” Yoohwan asked as he settled between his brother and Junsu. Yoochun glared at him. “Let’s exchange boyfriends for today, hyung,” Yoohwan said, grinning widely. “Scoot over to Junho hyung’s side, won’t you?”
Yoochun had a perfectly good argument somewhere in the tip of his tongue but the other Kim twin beat him to it. Junho rolled his eyes. “I am not your boyfriend, Park.” Yoohwan shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I want to sit beside Junsu hyung today.”
“You always want to sit beside Junsu, Ricky.”
“You always sit on him, hyung.”
He wanted to physically remove Yoohwan from his position but Junsu looked at him and reached for his hand. “It’s okay. Sit with Junho hyung for today.” Yoochun almost wanted to kick his brother when he saw that grin on the younger one’s face but he just sighed. Now was not the time and this wasn’t the place for such childish fights.
“Why are we here at Time Out, again?” Junho asked, taking a cone from Yoohwan.
“I wanted some ice cream,” Junsu answered. When everyone just looked at him, he sighed. “Fine. That and I have some progress report.” Junho rolled his eyes; he had never approved of these so-called meetings but he was curious. And well, curiosity always gets the cat (or duck, Yoochun would say). It was unusual, though, not to see Yunho and Hyukjae with them. “Progress?” echoed Yoohwan. “That means Changmin hyung asked him out and Jaejoong hyung said yes, right?”
“Well, not exactly.”
It was hard to explain, Junsu thought, but he did so anyway. “Changmin called and told me that Jae hyung’s beginning to be comfortable with him.” He paused. “He didn’t explain how, though. He was in a hurry. He sounded like he was calling from the set.” Yoohwan watched how his brother and the Kim twins all had their eyebrows knitted together. There was something bugging all of them, something that they couldn’t put a finger on.
Funny, Yoohwan thought, this news was supposed to be good.
“Are we sure that Jae hyung’s comfortable or is Jae hyung being professional?” Yoochun finally voiced out. They all knew that Jaejoong could disregard his personal feelings if he wanted to. He had done so before and they knew he was capable of doing that again. No one and nothing was an exception.
“Changmin’s sees it differently,” Junho said. “He’s supposed to anyway.” Everyone agreed. Somehow, it gave Changmin's situation gave him this free pass to interpret everything Jaejoong did (or did not do) differently. It was, by principle, wrong but even if they did tell the Dong Bang Shin Ki magnae that, it would just fall on deaf ears.
“I’m afraid of one thing, though,” Junsu said, putting his spoon down.
“What is that?” Yoohwan asked.
"What happens next?"
*
Hey, stranger. How have you been doing?
It has been a month since that first awkward day with Jaejoong, a month since he started trying to win Jaejoong back. It was hard, he had to admit; he wasn’t only going up against Donghae, after all. Yehsung was also protecting the JaeHae couple and his hyung had always been a formidable opponent.
“I’ve been making progress, Kyu,” he replied, smiling. It was their day off-the first in a month-and the first on his list of things to do was to call his best friend. Well, at least one of them. He was still unsure about Kibum, what with that kiss that shouldn’t have been a kiss and all.
And by progress, you mean-?
“Well, he’s smiled at me.”
-smiled. You call that progress, Changmin?
He would’ve probably punched Kyuhyun by now but his best friend was safe in his house, comforted by the fact that Changmin wouldn’t be able to hurt him physically. “Yes, I’m calling it progress, Cho. He never even looked at me before that.” He paused, plopping on Yunho and Hyukjae’s couch. “Well, he only looks at me when the scenes call for it but never after Heechul hyung calls out ‘cut’.”
Fine. I’ll call that progress.
Changmin laughed. Trust Kyuhyun to see logic and be bitter about being proven wrong. “By the way, how’s Kibum?” He tried to sound as casual as he could but he could feel his heart pounding. This was one of those days where-His eyes widened; he heard something crash on Kyuhyun’s end of the line. “Kyuhyun? Are you alright? What happened?”
His best friend laughed (it sounded a little strained, though; he wondered why). The stupid plate slipped. Dammit. “Use a broom to get the glass shards-” Oh fuck. Dammit. Changmin shook his head. Maybe he should get dressed and go to Kyuhyun’s to rescue the poor lad. “Really, Kyuhyun. Since when did you become clumsy? And you know you shouldn’t be touching-”
Not exactly the best time to be my mother, Shim.
“Sorry. I was just worried.” He sighed. “Look, I’m coming down there-”
No, Changmin. I’m fine. Don’t come. I’ll just-I’ll just talk to you later, okay? Bye.
Kyuhyun quickly ended the call and ran towards the sink. Dammit, he thought as he cleaned the cut on his hand; why did Changmin have to ask about Kibum? He hasn’t seen nor heard the latter since that scene in Kibum’s apartment. They had parted ways without talking about his unusual behavior and he was thankful that Kibum hadn’t pursued the subject further. He wasn’t exactly prepared to tell Kibum everything.
No, he thought; he needed more time.
Or rather, Kibum needed time to realize that Changmin will always been in love with Jaejoong.
“Do you really plan to drown that hand of yours?”
He almost jumped, almost injured his hand again by accidentally hitting the faucet. “Kibum,” he breathed and the other was standing beside him (close, too close; he could forget to breathe). Kibum’s lips were curved in a small smile, he noticed. He turned the faucet off and gently took Kyuhyun’s injured hand in his. “You should be putting some antiseptic on this. Where’s your first aid kit?”
Kyuhyun gulped. “I’m going to risk sounding like a damsel in distress in a movie and ask why you’re here.”
“And I’m going to risk sounding like your leading man and say I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier.”
There was a pause in the air because they both know that they’ve broken some ancient oath of never pretending to be your best friend’s leading man. Kyuhyun was expecting Kibum to laugh that sentence away and they’d forget they ever said anything remotely like it. But Kibum wasn’t laughing; he was just holding Kyuhyun’s hand, looking at it as if it was the most interesting in the world.
Which, Kyuhyun was sure, it wasn’t.
“I’m sorry I got pissed off at you,” Kibum said, his voice just above a whisper. “I was trying too much, trying to make Changmin see that perhaps Jaejoong hyung isn’t the one for him, that I forgot how much it would hurt because Changmin has never seen it that way.”
Kyuhyun gulped. “You love him, that’s why you can forget yourself.”
“It’s not an excuse to get mad at you, though. You were protecting me, Kyu. You were looking after me.”
It wasn’t the kind of thing Kyuhyun thought he’d hear Kibum say, especially since Kibum was actually older than him. Kibum was the one who should be looking after him, not the other way around. He sighed; there was no point in arguing that point there. He smiled; and here he was thinking about how hard this facing-Kibum-again business would be when Kibum was actually the one having a hard time.
“Maybe we should switch roles. You’ll be the damsel in distress and I’ll be your leading man.”
A wide smile spread across Kibum’s face. “With your hand like that? Try again, mademoiselle.”
22 | 24
Check-in. Check-out.
No Show Fee: o1 | o2 | o3 | o4 | o5.a | o5.b | o6 | st, boarding pass | o7.a | o7.b. | o7.c | o7.d | o8.a | o8.b | o8.c | o8.d | o8.e | o9 | 1o | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 2o | 21 | 22