No Show Fee: 08.e. Open-jaw Ticket [JaeMin, JaeHae, YehHae; DBSJ]
title: No Show Fee : 08.e. Open-jaw Ticket
author: yumeyana
fandom: dong bang shin ki / super junior
pairs: JaeMin, JaeHae, YehHae (YooSu, KangTeuk, etc.)
rating/genre: PG-13 - NC-17 / drama, angst, humor, romance
summary: They say love waits. But the question always is, until when? The drama begins and everyone tries to be the professionals that they are. But someone slips and some puzzles are completed while some hearts are broken. And JaeJoong finally makes that call.
[crossposted at hug______, miracle______, _starcandy.]
Author’s Notes: This took a long time to write, mainly because I haven’t written anything NC-17 in a very long time. I am already apologizing for the little scene below. Anyway, this will be the last of the three months; next, we will merge the two worlds. So, the phone call from Jae makes its appearance in the next chapter.
Oh, and remember the soundtrack I made? You can feel the chapter better (especially at the end) when you listen to tracks o7 and o8. :D
P.S. And an advance happy birthday to mrsedjack, the one who requested this. :D Plus, thank you to keight_michelle for helping me with the "drama". (^^)v
Chapter Notes: Fuji Syusuke is a character from the anime/manga Tennis no Oujisama or Prince of Tennis. He is known for hiding his true feelings behind smiles. Saitoh Takumi is a Japanese actor known for his movies such as Boys Love, Sukitomo and Itsuka no Kimi e, all of which have shonen-ai and/or yaoi themes. Plus, the drama Heechul is directing might remind you of Haru wo Daiteita, Boys Love, Sukitomo and Junjou Romantica. (^^)v
Disclaimers: None of the Dong Bang Shin Ki and Super Junior boys are mine, only the plot is.
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No Show Fee : Open-jaw Ticket
YooChun stared at the piano keys in front of him, his mind somewhere else. It had been a week since JaeJoong and the others arrived in Japan and the latter made it a point to call him at least once a day. At first, YooChun thought it was because JaeJoong was nervous and his soul mate needed an outlet of his frustrations, confusions, and the like. They were in Japan and if there was anything about Japan that triggered the memory of every Dong Bang Shin Ki member, it was how JoongShim couple became the most loved pairings in the fandom.
Second, of course, to YooSu. But that wasn’t the point.
The point was, Japan was supposed to make JaeJoong remember ChangMin in every way possible. They were staying in the hotel near their old apartment and YooChun was ready to pick up the pieces of a broken JaeJoong, knowing very much that it would happen and how it would happen. But every call he ever received contained nothing of the sort.
JaeJoong was laughing. Always.
No, YooChun thought; JaeJoong was not pulling a Fuji Syusuke on him. That laugh was real; nothing of it was commercialized or a façade to his real feelings. JaeJoong was actually happy.
“Chunnie?”
YooChun turned around and found JunSu looking at him, worry lines marring his face. “Hey, babe,” he said, motioning for the other to sit on his lap. JunSu complied, putting his arms around the other’s as he did so. “What’s wrong, Chunnie?”
Wrong. He couldn’t even classify it as wrong-that was what was wrong! There was nothing wrong about JaeJoong laughing, being happy-he deserved all that. But somehow, he didn’t expect this to happen in Japan. More so, in Donghae’s arms.
He sighed. “I don’t even know if it’s actually wrong, Su.”
“Wrong to be what?”
“To be happy.”
JunSu looked as if he was going to strangle him until his brains leaked out of his ears but considered it to be too much of an ordeal; he settled for rolling his eyes. “And why would it be wrong to be happy, YooChun? We’re happy; is that wrong?”
No, YooChun wanted to answer but that wasn’t his point. He sighed again, leaning his head on JunSu’s chest. “No, babe; it’s not wrong to be happy-our happy. But it’s JaeJoong hyung I’m talking about.” JunSu’s breathing stopped for a moment. “He’s happy, Su.”
“With Donghae.”
“Well, that’s the only name I’ve been hearing lately.”
There was silence for some time and YooChun could only hear the sound of JunSu’s heart beating. There were questions all around them-should they tell JaeJoong to stop falling for Donghae; should they drag ChangMin back to Korea ASAP; should they even think of interfering-but nothing was voiced out. There were too many emotions involved, too many hearts at risk if they tried to do something. Even the slightest move could change everything.
“Has Hyukjae told you anything?”
JunSu shifted slightly. “Told me anything about what?”
“About Donghae’s side of the story.”
The younger one snorted. “Hyukkie’s been busy, Chun. He doesn’t even have time to talk to me.”
It was, YooChun thought, supposed to make him laugh but it didn’t. JaeJoong had him to talk to; Yehsung had Leeteuk. Heechul, he assumed, made the former Super Junior leader his sounding board as well. So if Hyukjae was too busy with YunHo to even talk to JunSu, who did Donghae have?
JunSu ran his fingers through YooChun’s hair as if reading the latter’s thoughts and sensing his worries. Perhaps, YooChun thought as he closed his eyes and succumbed to JunSu’s touch, they were worrying about the wrong person after all.
*
Room arrangements in Japan didn’t change; Heechul and JaeJoong shared a room, Donghae and Yehsung were still roomies. That was the only thing Heechul made sure that he had a hand on; he didn’t need Yehsung moping around while he had a drama to direct. He needed his actors happy and if indulging Yehsung in this little whatchamacallit was one way to make one of them happy, then so it should be.
Let it be noted, please, that he wasn’t rooting for Yehsung. He promised Leeteuk that he wouldn’t side with anyone and he was keeping that promise. He was making everyone happy; JaeJoong was happy spending those little moments with Donghae and the latter was happy with it as well. Everybody was happy.
Heechul watched as his main actors took a little break. They’ve been filming for about a month now and most of the easy scenes were already finished. They would be filming the explicit ones next and he decided that they needed a break before that. Plus, it was good to drink some well-deserved sake once in a while.
“Heechul-san,” came Saitoh Takumi’s voice. Saitoh was one of the actors they worked with in the drama, one who seemed to know the AV business a little too well. The man had an accent he couldn’t place; something that involved voices drawling and seducing. Heechul was sure this was one of the main reasons why Saitoh was in the AV business. “JaeJoong-san has told me that you put them through some training before coming here.”
There was a grin on Saitoh’s lips and Heechul rolled his eyes when he saw Yehsung grin as well. The alcohol was getting to the poor boy, he thought. “Workshop, Saitoh-san.” His dongsaeng’s voice was several notches lower and the smile on Yehsung’s face reminded him why they never let him drink too much.
Before Heechul could even take the alcohol out of Yehsung’s hands, though, Donghae was already acting on it. He took the glass and drained it in one gulp; Yehsung pouted in a way that made him younger than his actual age. Saitoh’s grin widened, a chuckle escaping his lips. He was sure he heard Saitoh say something that sounded vaguely like cute.
“Hyung,” Donghae said, switching to Korean. Not that Saitoh couldn’t understand a word but he felt more comfortable with it. “You’ve had enough. Let’s get you back to your room before you start doing anything stupid.”
Saitoh offered to help but Donghae just smiled in a way that said he didn’t need anyone touching his hyung (Donghae gladly accepted JaeJoong’s help, though). Heechul almost grinned as well, covering it up with a drink of his own glass of sake. “Make sure he gets to bed,” he managed to say before the trio left them alone.
“We’ll be having an interesting morning, won’t we?” Saitoh asked casually, slowly drinking the sake in his hand. There was a sly smile on his lips and Heechul wanted to hug his casting director for the first time this project started. He let himself grin, matching the one on Saitoh’s lips.
“Oh, you can bet on that.”
*
“Hey.”
JaeJoong looked up and saw Donghae come out of his room, features a little tired but his eyes were shining. Donghae was always like that, he thought, whenever he looked at him; it didn’t matter if he was tired or busy, the younger one’s eyes always reflected everything in his heart. And Donghae loved him, loved him with all his heart.
“Hey,” JaeJoong said, intertwining their hands. “He’s asleep?”
“Yeah. He’ll be a pain in the ass in the morning, though.” There was laughter threatening to spill from his lips but Donghae kept it in. He smiled instead, the soft smile JaeJoong was sure he only saw whenever the younger one was looking at him. “Let’s take a walk?”
He smiled, squeezing Donghae’s hand. “Thought you’d never ask.”
They’ve been like this since they arrived in Japan; they took walks together whenever there was time to do so. They made sure that they had some private time together even through Heechul’s Hitler-style of directing and their taping. Come to think about it, JaeJoong thought as they passed by the restaurant and waved at Saitoh and Heechul, it was Donghae who made a conscious effort to make sure he had JaeJoong-time.
“I’m glad the fans here aren’t as stalker-ish as the ones back home,” came Donghae’s voice. They were by the poolside, somewhere they could see everyone and everyone couldn’t see them, and JaeJoong could count the number of guests present in his hand. He agreed with Donghae; none of them were even looking at them. “I wish we brought swimwear. I miss taking a dip.”
“We can always buy, Hae. You want to?”
Donghae looked at him as if he was surprised that JaeJoong wanted him to indulge. He shook his head. “Nah. You won’t be able to get me out of the pool and Heechul hyung will have a fit and we’ll have to deal with two headaches in the morning,” he said, grinning. True, JaeJoong thought; Donghae loved the water as if his parents had already known this when they named him. “Plus,” he continued, his arms circling JaeJoong from behind. “It’s a little cold, don’t you think so?”
JaeJoong leaned in, snuggling a bit. Donghae was always like this, always sweet and loving. It was hard not to fall for someone like this, he thought, and there were times when he felt himself being sucked in. When he kissed Donghae that day, he didn’t promise anything and Donghae knew that. He knew that he hadn’t completely won JaeJoong over, knew he had to work for it. And work for it, he did.
“It’s a little warm where I am,” JaeJoong said, closing his eyes. He liked it this way-“Hmm,” came Donghae’s low voice, lips trailing kisses down his neck; “Hae, we’re in public.” “I know,” he replied, turning JaeJoong around, capturing his lips (His heart? No. Maybe not yet, not fully.)-he liked every bit of everything Donghae was offering, giving.
Everything.
*
Falling was hard. There were risks involved-will someone be there to catch you; will someone break your fall; or will you fall flat on your butt, bruised and alone-and Donghae knew that the moment he decided to pursue JaeJoong. His hyung had taken a bad fall-perhaps he was still falling; who knew, really-and for Donghae to ask him to take a risk fall again was something unthinkable.
The truth was, Donghae didn’t expect JaeJoong to take his hand and do that free fall with him. He expected JaeJoong to pack and move out of the house, even expected him to punch Donghae for being so forward, taking advantage of his vulnerability. But JaeJoong did none of that.
“Donghae, we’ll be filming your scene with Yehsung first,” came Heechul’s voice through the megaphone, cutting through his thoughts. He nodded a little absently and he saw Heechul raise an eyebrow. The latter put the megaphone away. “Anything wrong?”
Donghae shook his head, lips curving up in a smile. “I’m fine. Maybe just a little nervous.”
Heechul returned his smile; he knew his hyung wasn’t fully convinced but he let Donghae’s pathetic excuse slide. Heechul the hyung disappeared and Heechul the Attila-the-Hun director was back. He called Saitoh and Yehsung, telling them to take their places. Saitoh had an arm around Yehsung; pep-talk, Donghae thought. Saitoh was experienced in this business.
“Just let go,” he heard Saitoh tell Yehsung before pushing him towards Donghae, winking at the latter before taking his place. Donghae grinned as Yehsung took a deep breath. “It’s going to be ok, Jongwoon,” he said, using Yehsung’s real name without the honorific. They were in Japan and there was no need for honorifics. Yehsung’s eyes widened for a moment, unsure of how to react, but the next second later, he grinned back. “Just let go, right?”
He nodded and let the bathrobe slide down his shoulders, baring his almost totally unclothed body. Yehsung took that as a sign to do the same and Heechul began shouting last minute instructions.
Let go, Donghae thought-Yehsung took his position on the bed, lying down on the artistically crumpled sheets; Donghae lay on top of him, his lips on Yehsung’s neck-let go, Donghae thought again and again. It was something he knew all of them were doing-him, Yehsung, JaeJoong-but all in different ways and with different reasons. Letting go was hard-Yehsung was trembling beneath him; “It’s just me, hyung,” he whispered, using Korean to give the older one a little sense of familiarity-especially when one had all these excess baggage.
“We’re filming in five, four, three-”
But they all had to let go. Little by little, step by step.
“-two, one.”
*
Yehsung couldn’t stop his heart from beating.
Not that he particularly wanted it to do so-he’d be dead if ever it did-but his heart was beating way too fast and it shouldn’t be doing so. They’ve been filming for weeks now and even JaeJoong, who was a beginner in every aspect of the word, seemed to be comfortable enough already. But he-Kim Jongwoon, who has done more dramas in the past few years than he could remember (thanks to Super Junior and all their drama flicks)-was still, for the lack of a better term, flustered.
He curled into a ball, wishing the world to disappear for a moment so that he could just stop and think about everything that has been happening in the past few months. But these moments where he was alone and there wasn’t any Attila-the-Hun-Heechul shouting at him for “slacking” or any dangerously-seductive-Saitoh breathing down his neck whenever the former caught him staring off to space a little too long was rare. He needed time to process all these things and calling Leeteuk was going to cost a lot, so he craved these moments where he was alone with his jungle of thoughts.
He still remembered the first time he and Donghae did it, the first time they shot that part of the movie. Donghae was very much in character and Yehsung almost slipped twice, almost saying Donghae’s real name instead of moaning Jinhyun’s character’s name for that particular scene. He almost forgot that it was Jinhyun’s character telling him he loved him, almost forgot that Donghae was moaning Junyoung’s character’s name and not his.
But still, Yehsung thought (he was blushing-pink, red-until the tips of his ears), Donghae’s voice, the look on his face made it so real. As if Donghae was talking to him and not to Junyoung or to Junyoung’s character. As if it was just him and Donghae moving fluidly on top of the crumpled sheets (voices low, eyes closedopenclosed, names breathed instead of said); no lights, no camera. No Heechul, no Saitoh. No JaeJoong.
And Yehsung wished so hard that it was true.
*
“Don’t you get tired?” JaeJoong asked one day as they sat down for a coffee break.
Donghae looked at him, blinking at the latter. He almost looked like he wasn’t about to turn thirty in a few days. He still looked like he was twenty. “Tired of what, hyung?”
“Speak in Japanese, Donghae,” he reminded; Donghae only grinned at him, putting another packet of sugar in his tea. For a moment there, he was reminded of how ChangMin always told him to speak in Japanese, to practice speaking in Japanese and not to slip Korean words into Japanese sentences whenever he could not find the right Japanese term. He mentally shook his head. Stop thinking about someone who’s not here.
“Tired of doing all these things.” Donghae still looked clueless; he continued, looking away. “You’re always making sure I’m fine, making sure I take a break once in a while. You’re always there, Donghae. You always make me feel as if…”
His voice trailed off; he honestly didn’t know how to continue. He had never discussed these things before, not even with YooChun who loved discussing lovey-dovey stuff, especially after watching a romantic flick. Come to think about it, he observed, he felt like he was in one of those movies already.
He sighed. Why did he have to open his stupid mouth anyway?
Donghae reached for his hand and JaeJoong suddenly looked back at him. “Hy-JaeJoong,” he said, remembering to speak in Japanese. The smile on his lips were soft, the look on his eyes even softer. His heart-Donghae was wearing his heart on his sleeve again, offering it to JaeJoong on a silver platter. “I’ll never get tired of doing all these things for you. And yes, you’re special and I’m glad you feel it.”
“Donghae-”
JaeJoong wanted to run; sure, he said he was going to try it out with Donghae but this-this was making him a little scared. It was suddenly consuming him, eating him whole. This feeling of being important, being special, being loved-he wasn’t used to it.
He wanted to say they were going way too fast, that he wasn’t ready for this level of intimacy yet but Donghae was there, holding his hand in broad day light-“I love you, JaeJoong.”-telling him all those things he wanted to hear before. He wanted to say it right back (maybe he could say “ditto” and he’d understand and get away with not saying it; hey, it worked for Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost, didn’t it?) but his voice was somewhere in between his throat and his heart, caught in that small distance it’s supposed to be able to cross without difficulty.
Instead, he reached for Donghae’s face, cupping it gently. Their lips met halfway and Donghae smiled, whispered in his mouth. Words, JaeJoong thought; words he never thought he’d hear from Donghae. Words he wished he had heard from ChangMin before.
Before Donghae came along.
*
“They’re quite good, aren’t they, Heechul-san?”
Heechul almost jumped from his seat; Saitoh always liked surprising people by creeping up to them from behind and then whispering in their ears. It has been three months and yet Saitoh still managed to catch people by surprise. “Saitoh-kun,” he acknowledged, earning a sly smile from the other man. Saitoh took the seat next to Heechul. “It’s their first time doing this, right?” he asked, cocking his head to Donghae, Yehsung and JaeJoong’s direction. The trio was practicing their lines before the actual taping. Heechul nodded. “Their first project in this genre. And mine, too, actually.”
“Oh.”
And there it was again; the drawl in Saitoh’s voice. Heechul rolled his eyes. “Maybe I should change the script and put you with one of the characters, Saitoh-kun. You’d be perfect.”
Saitoh grinned. “Maybe you should.”
“Are you seriously flirting with me?”
The Japanese actor leaned closer, his face almost just an inch from Heechul’s. The rest of the staff seemed oblivious to them. His dongsaeng were still practicing their lines. Heechul’s breath almost hitched but he remained calm. Or at least tried to appear calm.
“Maybe. Would that be a problem, Heechul-san?”
Heechul’s eyes narrowed. “Yes.”
Saitoh laughed, causing the trio to stop practicing and look at them. Damned Japanese actor, Heechul thought as he punched Saitoh’s arm and stormed out of the room, barking at anyone in his way. Damned, stupid casting director, he thought as well.
“JAEJOONG, DONGHAE. YOU’RE UP NEXT!”
Next time, he will have a hand in casting.
*
( Jinhyun, please- )
JaeJoong closed his eyes, body arching up as Donghae’s lips left a trail of butterfly kisses from his neck down to his navel. ( Not yet, Junhae.) Donghae had one hand slowly massaging the inside of his one of his thighs and he thanked all the heavenly beings that he had control and that the skin-colored underwear was thick enough to handle these circumstances. ( But, Jinhyu-uhhn- ) JaeJoong gasped, eyes flying open; Donghae’s lips were on his, shutting any sound coming from his mouth. ( We’re not acting anymore, aren’t we, Junhae? ) Donghae was trailing kisses down his neck again, stopping on a nipple, sucking on it and JaeJoong’s thoughts flew from his mind. There was a dialogue here, something he was supposed to say, but everything was all muddled up in his head. He was feeling Donghae, not Jinhyun-no, not Jinhyun anymore. There was something real in all this and-god, he could see Heechul looking at them with wide eyes-he should just ignore it because he was a professional now; even Saitoh who has had experience in this field has told him so. But-
( Junhae. Answer me, Junhae. )
Donghae was looking at him, eyes locked with his. He stared back and saw everything he knew he was feeling, everything Donghae had told him, had made him feel for the past few months. All the moments, the memories, the fleeting kisses and those which made his knees weak-everything. They were there and Jinhyun-Donghae-was waiting for him. Again, like he has done for so many years.
( Jinhyun, I- )
And then suddenly there it was. Right in front of him were all the answers to all those questions, the doubt erased from his mind. Funny, he thought as he reached up to kiss Donghae-not Jihyun-as softly as he could. Funny that he should realize it now when it wasn’t Donghae who was asking, but Jinhyun. He ran his fingers through Donghae’s hair, holding him there as if he was about to vanish anytime soon (he wasn’t, JaeJoong was sure; no one was running away this time). Donghae put his arms around him, carrying him, putting JaeJoong’s legs around his waist without breaking their kiss. JaeJoong could feel Donghae’s heart beating faster as if he knew what JaeJoong was really feeling right now. He was losing his breath and so was Donghae but no one was stopping, no one was letting go.
( Junhae- )
Donghae was breathless, they both were. He didn’t know how Donghae could still remember his character’s name when all his mind could process right now was that their lips were just centimeters apart, swollen from that last kiss. Donghae’s eyes were half-lidded, lips softly kissing his again as if they hadn’t just done so. ( Junhae- ) Donghae was still gasping for breath, still trying to gain more oxygen, but his lips were on JaeJoong’s, kissing him harder again. JaeJoong slowly reversed the situation, pinning Donghae down, hands mapping the latter’s well-built chest. A moan escaped Donghae’s lips and JaeJoong could almost swear he heard him whisper JaeJoong instead of Junhae. He left Donghae’s lips, trailing kisses down his neck, grazing his teeth as he passed by a nipple. He could hear Heechul hiss something that sounded like this is not part of the script but he couldn’t care less. Donghae’s hands were on his hair, gripping it as if he was holding onto dear life. This was beginning to be real, JaeJoong thought as he broke the kiss and looked directly into Donghae’s eyes. And perhaps, it should be.
The lights disappeared and he could no longer hear or see anything but Donghae.
( I love you. ) Not Jinhyun, never Jinhyun.
Just Donghae. Only Donghae.
*
Yehsung could only stare at the scene, could only stand there and watch as JaeJoong and Donghae made everything real. He could not even tell Heechul to yell at them to stop; everyone was thinking that this was part of the script or that the actors just put some spice to their drama. As if the drama needed any more spicing up.
His eyes widened when something wet fell down his cheeks. He turned around, quickly exiting the scene before anyone could see him, could see his tears. He shouldn’t let this get to him; Donghae and JaeJoong might just be putting some unneeded spice to the drama but he wasn’t that stupid. He knew when something was make-believe and when it wasn’t.
And that-that had every bit of reality in it.
*
JaeJoong pulled his jacket closer to his body. It was nearly mid-October, nearly Donghae’s birthday, and Japan was beginning to be colder than he could remember. The leaves were now beginning to turn into a beautiful shade of red and orange; some remained holding onto the branches, others let go and slowly fell to the ground.
He fished his keys from his pocket, taking one last look at their old apartment before closing it up. It was the last time that he’ll ever set foot in that place, the last time he’ll ever let Japan’s nostalgia get to him. When he gets back from shooting, he’ll give his copy of the key to YooChun. Or JunSu. Or YunHo. Or to whoever wanted it. He didn’t need it anymore.
He was moving on.
JaeJoong flipped his phone open, going through his contacts. At first, he didn’t know why he saved that number, why even bothered getting it. He had no use of it. He didn’t even want to see his name on his contacts. But he memorized the stupid number anyway and saved it on his mobile phone afterwards.
Now he knew why.
Hey ChangMin. It’s me, JaeJoong.
tbc.
o8.d | o9
Check-in. Check-out.
No Show Fee: o1 | o2 | o3 | o4 | o5.a | o5.b | o6 | st, boarding pass | o7.a | o7.b. | o7.c | o7.d | o8.a | o8.b | o8.c | o8.d
author: yumeyana
fandom: dong bang shin ki / super junior
pairs: JaeMin, JaeHae, YehHae (YooSu, KangTeuk, etc.)
rating/genre: PG-13 - NC-17 / drama, angst, humor, romance
summary: They say love waits. But the question always is, until when? The drama begins and everyone tries to be the professionals that they are. But someone slips and some puzzles are completed while some hearts are broken. And JaeJoong finally makes that call.
[crossposted at hug______, miracle______, _starcandy.]
Author’s Notes: This took a long time to write, mainly because I haven’t written anything NC-17 in a very long time. I am already apologizing for the little scene below. Anyway, this will be the last of the three months; next, we will merge the two worlds. So, the phone call from Jae makes its appearance in the next chapter.
Oh, and remember the soundtrack I made? You can feel the chapter better (especially at the end) when you listen to tracks o7 and o8. :D
P.S. And an advance happy birthday to mrsedjack, the one who requested this. :D Plus, thank you to keight_michelle for helping me with the "drama". (^^)v
Chapter Notes: Fuji Syusuke is a character from the anime/manga Tennis no Oujisama or Prince of Tennis. He is known for hiding his true feelings behind smiles. Saitoh Takumi is a Japanese actor known for his movies such as Boys Love, Sukitomo and Itsuka no Kimi e, all of which have shonen-ai and/or yaoi themes. Plus, the drama Heechul is directing might remind you of Haru wo Daiteita, Boys Love, Sukitomo and Junjou Romantica. (^^)v
Disclaimers: None of the Dong Bang Shin Ki and Super Junior boys are mine, only the plot is.
-------------------------------------------------
No Show Fee : Open-jaw Ticket
YooChun stared at the piano keys in front of him, his mind somewhere else. It had been a week since JaeJoong and the others arrived in Japan and the latter made it a point to call him at least once a day. At first, YooChun thought it was because JaeJoong was nervous and his soul mate needed an outlet of his frustrations, confusions, and the like. They were in Japan and if there was anything about Japan that triggered the memory of every Dong Bang Shin Ki member, it was how JoongShim couple became the most loved pairings in the fandom.
Second, of course, to YooSu. But that wasn’t the point.
The point was, Japan was supposed to make JaeJoong remember ChangMin in every way possible. They were staying in the hotel near their old apartment and YooChun was ready to pick up the pieces of a broken JaeJoong, knowing very much that it would happen and how it would happen. But every call he ever received contained nothing of the sort.
JaeJoong was laughing. Always.
No, YooChun thought; JaeJoong was not pulling a Fuji Syusuke on him. That laugh was real; nothing of it was commercialized or a façade to his real feelings. JaeJoong was actually happy.
“Chunnie?”
YooChun turned around and found JunSu looking at him, worry lines marring his face. “Hey, babe,” he said, motioning for the other to sit on his lap. JunSu complied, putting his arms around the other’s as he did so. “What’s wrong, Chunnie?”
Wrong. He couldn’t even classify it as wrong-that was what was wrong! There was nothing wrong about JaeJoong laughing, being happy-he deserved all that. But somehow, he didn’t expect this to happen in Japan. More so, in Donghae’s arms.
He sighed. “I don’t even know if it’s actually wrong, Su.”
“Wrong to be what?”
“To be happy.”
JunSu looked as if he was going to strangle him until his brains leaked out of his ears but considered it to be too much of an ordeal; he settled for rolling his eyes. “And why would it be wrong to be happy, YooChun? We’re happy; is that wrong?”
No, YooChun wanted to answer but that wasn’t his point. He sighed again, leaning his head on JunSu’s chest. “No, babe; it’s not wrong to be happy-our happy. But it’s JaeJoong hyung I’m talking about.” JunSu’s breathing stopped for a moment. “He’s happy, Su.”
“With Donghae.”
“Well, that’s the only name I’ve been hearing lately.”
There was silence for some time and YooChun could only hear the sound of JunSu’s heart beating. There were questions all around them-should they tell JaeJoong to stop falling for Donghae; should they drag ChangMin back to Korea ASAP; should they even think of interfering-but nothing was voiced out. There were too many emotions involved, too many hearts at risk if they tried to do something. Even the slightest move could change everything.
“Has Hyukjae told you anything?”
JunSu shifted slightly. “Told me anything about what?”
“About Donghae’s side of the story.”
The younger one snorted. “Hyukkie’s been busy, Chun. He doesn’t even have time to talk to me.”
It was, YooChun thought, supposed to make him laugh but it didn’t. JaeJoong had him to talk to; Yehsung had Leeteuk. Heechul, he assumed, made the former Super Junior leader his sounding board as well. So if Hyukjae was too busy with YunHo to even talk to JunSu, who did Donghae have?
JunSu ran his fingers through YooChun’s hair as if reading the latter’s thoughts and sensing his worries. Perhaps, YooChun thought as he closed his eyes and succumbed to JunSu’s touch, they were worrying about the wrong person after all.
*
Room arrangements in Japan didn’t change; Heechul and JaeJoong shared a room, Donghae and Yehsung were still roomies. That was the only thing Heechul made sure that he had a hand on; he didn’t need Yehsung moping around while he had a drama to direct. He needed his actors happy and if indulging Yehsung in this little whatchamacallit was one way to make one of them happy, then so it should be.
Let it be noted, please, that he wasn’t rooting for Yehsung. He promised Leeteuk that he wouldn’t side with anyone and he was keeping that promise. He was making everyone happy; JaeJoong was happy spending those little moments with Donghae and the latter was happy with it as well. Everybody was happy.
Heechul watched as his main actors took a little break. They’ve been filming for about a month now and most of the easy scenes were already finished. They would be filming the explicit ones next and he decided that they needed a break before that. Plus, it was good to drink some well-deserved sake once in a while.
“Heechul-san,” came Saitoh Takumi’s voice. Saitoh was one of the actors they worked with in the drama, one who seemed to know the AV business a little too well. The man had an accent he couldn’t place; something that involved voices drawling and seducing. Heechul was sure this was one of the main reasons why Saitoh was in the AV business. “JaeJoong-san has told me that you put them through some training before coming here.”
There was a grin on Saitoh’s lips and Heechul rolled his eyes when he saw Yehsung grin as well. The alcohol was getting to the poor boy, he thought. “Workshop, Saitoh-san.” His dongsaeng’s voice was several notches lower and the smile on Yehsung’s face reminded him why they never let him drink too much.
Before Heechul could even take the alcohol out of Yehsung’s hands, though, Donghae was already acting on it. He took the glass and drained it in one gulp; Yehsung pouted in a way that made him younger than his actual age. Saitoh’s grin widened, a chuckle escaping his lips. He was sure he heard Saitoh say something that sounded vaguely like cute.
“Hyung,” Donghae said, switching to Korean. Not that Saitoh couldn’t understand a word but he felt more comfortable with it. “You’ve had enough. Let’s get you back to your room before you start doing anything stupid.”
Saitoh offered to help but Donghae just smiled in a way that said he didn’t need anyone touching his hyung (Donghae gladly accepted JaeJoong’s help, though). Heechul almost grinned as well, covering it up with a drink of his own glass of sake. “Make sure he gets to bed,” he managed to say before the trio left them alone.
“We’ll be having an interesting morning, won’t we?” Saitoh asked casually, slowly drinking the sake in his hand. There was a sly smile on his lips and Heechul wanted to hug his casting director for the first time this project started. He let himself grin, matching the one on Saitoh’s lips.
“Oh, you can bet on that.”
*
“Hey.”
JaeJoong looked up and saw Donghae come out of his room, features a little tired but his eyes were shining. Donghae was always like that, he thought, whenever he looked at him; it didn’t matter if he was tired or busy, the younger one’s eyes always reflected everything in his heart. And Donghae loved him, loved him with all his heart.
“Hey,” JaeJoong said, intertwining their hands. “He’s asleep?”
“Yeah. He’ll be a pain in the ass in the morning, though.” There was laughter threatening to spill from his lips but Donghae kept it in. He smiled instead, the soft smile JaeJoong was sure he only saw whenever the younger one was looking at him. “Let’s take a walk?”
He smiled, squeezing Donghae’s hand. “Thought you’d never ask.”
They’ve been like this since they arrived in Japan; they took walks together whenever there was time to do so. They made sure that they had some private time together even through Heechul’s Hitler-style of directing and their taping. Come to think about it, JaeJoong thought as they passed by the restaurant and waved at Saitoh and Heechul, it was Donghae who made a conscious effort to make sure he had JaeJoong-time.
“I’m glad the fans here aren’t as stalker-ish as the ones back home,” came Donghae’s voice. They were by the poolside, somewhere they could see everyone and everyone couldn’t see them, and JaeJoong could count the number of guests present in his hand. He agreed with Donghae; none of them were even looking at them. “I wish we brought swimwear. I miss taking a dip.”
“We can always buy, Hae. You want to?”
Donghae looked at him as if he was surprised that JaeJoong wanted him to indulge. He shook his head. “Nah. You won’t be able to get me out of the pool and Heechul hyung will have a fit and we’ll have to deal with two headaches in the morning,” he said, grinning. True, JaeJoong thought; Donghae loved the water as if his parents had already known this when they named him. “Plus,” he continued, his arms circling JaeJoong from behind. “It’s a little cold, don’t you think so?”
JaeJoong leaned in, snuggling a bit. Donghae was always like this, always sweet and loving. It was hard not to fall for someone like this, he thought, and there were times when he felt himself being sucked in. When he kissed Donghae that day, he didn’t promise anything and Donghae knew that. He knew that he hadn’t completely won JaeJoong over, knew he had to work for it. And work for it, he did.
“It’s a little warm where I am,” JaeJoong said, closing his eyes. He liked it this way-“Hmm,” came Donghae’s low voice, lips trailing kisses down his neck; “Hae, we’re in public.” “I know,” he replied, turning JaeJoong around, capturing his lips (His heart? No. Maybe not yet, not fully.)-he liked every bit of everything Donghae was offering, giving.
Everything.
*
Falling was hard. There were risks involved-will someone be there to catch you; will someone break your fall; or will you fall flat on your butt, bruised and alone-and Donghae knew that the moment he decided to pursue JaeJoong. His hyung had taken a bad fall-perhaps he was still falling; who knew, really-and for Donghae to ask him to take a risk fall again was something unthinkable.
The truth was, Donghae didn’t expect JaeJoong to take his hand and do that free fall with him. He expected JaeJoong to pack and move out of the house, even expected him to punch Donghae for being so forward, taking advantage of his vulnerability. But JaeJoong did none of that.
“Donghae, we’ll be filming your scene with Yehsung first,” came Heechul’s voice through the megaphone, cutting through his thoughts. He nodded a little absently and he saw Heechul raise an eyebrow. The latter put the megaphone away. “Anything wrong?”
Donghae shook his head, lips curving up in a smile. “I’m fine. Maybe just a little nervous.”
Heechul returned his smile; he knew his hyung wasn’t fully convinced but he let Donghae’s pathetic excuse slide. Heechul the hyung disappeared and Heechul the Attila-the-Hun director was back. He called Saitoh and Yehsung, telling them to take their places. Saitoh had an arm around Yehsung; pep-talk, Donghae thought. Saitoh was experienced in this business.
“Just let go,” he heard Saitoh tell Yehsung before pushing him towards Donghae, winking at the latter before taking his place. Donghae grinned as Yehsung took a deep breath. “It’s going to be ok, Jongwoon,” he said, using Yehsung’s real name without the honorific. They were in Japan and there was no need for honorifics. Yehsung’s eyes widened for a moment, unsure of how to react, but the next second later, he grinned back. “Just let go, right?”
He nodded and let the bathrobe slide down his shoulders, baring his almost totally unclothed body. Yehsung took that as a sign to do the same and Heechul began shouting last minute instructions.
Let go, Donghae thought-Yehsung took his position on the bed, lying down on the artistically crumpled sheets; Donghae lay on top of him, his lips on Yehsung’s neck-let go, Donghae thought again and again. It was something he knew all of them were doing-him, Yehsung, JaeJoong-but all in different ways and with different reasons. Letting go was hard-Yehsung was trembling beneath him; “It’s just me, hyung,” he whispered, using Korean to give the older one a little sense of familiarity-especially when one had all these excess baggage.
“We’re filming in five, four, three-”
But they all had to let go. Little by little, step by step.
“-two, one.”
*
Yehsung couldn’t stop his heart from beating.
Not that he particularly wanted it to do so-he’d be dead if ever it did-but his heart was beating way too fast and it shouldn’t be doing so. They’ve been filming for weeks now and even JaeJoong, who was a beginner in every aspect of the word, seemed to be comfortable enough already. But he-Kim Jongwoon, who has done more dramas in the past few years than he could remember (thanks to Super Junior and all their drama flicks)-was still, for the lack of a better term, flustered.
He curled into a ball, wishing the world to disappear for a moment so that he could just stop and think about everything that has been happening in the past few months. But these moments where he was alone and there wasn’t any Attila-the-Hun-Heechul shouting at him for “slacking” or any dangerously-seductive-Saitoh breathing down his neck whenever the former caught him staring off to space a little too long was rare. He needed time to process all these things and calling Leeteuk was going to cost a lot, so he craved these moments where he was alone with his jungle of thoughts.
He still remembered the first time he and Donghae did it, the first time they shot that part of the movie. Donghae was very much in character and Yehsung almost slipped twice, almost saying Donghae’s real name instead of moaning Jinhyun’s character’s name for that particular scene. He almost forgot that it was Jinhyun’s character telling him he loved him, almost forgot that Donghae was moaning Junyoung’s character’s name and not his.
But still, Yehsung thought (he was blushing-pink, red-until the tips of his ears), Donghae’s voice, the look on his face made it so real. As if Donghae was talking to him and not to Junyoung or to Junyoung’s character. As if it was just him and Donghae moving fluidly on top of the crumpled sheets (voices low, eyes closedopenclosed, names breathed instead of said); no lights, no camera. No Heechul, no Saitoh. No JaeJoong.
And Yehsung wished so hard that it was true.
*
“Don’t you get tired?” JaeJoong asked one day as they sat down for a coffee break.
Donghae looked at him, blinking at the latter. He almost looked like he wasn’t about to turn thirty in a few days. He still looked like he was twenty. “Tired of what, hyung?”
“Speak in Japanese, Donghae,” he reminded; Donghae only grinned at him, putting another packet of sugar in his tea. For a moment there, he was reminded of how ChangMin always told him to speak in Japanese, to practice speaking in Japanese and not to slip Korean words into Japanese sentences whenever he could not find the right Japanese term. He mentally shook his head. Stop thinking about someone who’s not here.
“Tired of doing all these things.” Donghae still looked clueless; he continued, looking away. “You’re always making sure I’m fine, making sure I take a break once in a while. You’re always there, Donghae. You always make me feel as if…”
His voice trailed off; he honestly didn’t know how to continue. He had never discussed these things before, not even with YooChun who loved discussing lovey-dovey stuff, especially after watching a romantic flick. Come to think about it, he observed, he felt like he was in one of those movies already.
He sighed. Why did he have to open his stupid mouth anyway?
Donghae reached for his hand and JaeJoong suddenly looked back at him. “Hy-JaeJoong,” he said, remembering to speak in Japanese. The smile on his lips were soft, the look on his eyes even softer. His heart-Donghae was wearing his heart on his sleeve again, offering it to JaeJoong on a silver platter. “I’ll never get tired of doing all these things for you. And yes, you’re special and I’m glad you feel it.”
“Donghae-”
JaeJoong wanted to run; sure, he said he was going to try it out with Donghae but this-this was making him a little scared. It was suddenly consuming him, eating him whole. This feeling of being important, being special, being loved-he wasn’t used to it.
He wanted to say they were going way too fast, that he wasn’t ready for this level of intimacy yet but Donghae was there, holding his hand in broad day light-“I love you, JaeJoong.”-telling him all those things he wanted to hear before. He wanted to say it right back (maybe he could say “ditto” and he’d understand and get away with not saying it; hey, it worked for Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost, didn’t it?) but his voice was somewhere in between his throat and his heart, caught in that small distance it’s supposed to be able to cross without difficulty.
Instead, he reached for Donghae’s face, cupping it gently. Their lips met halfway and Donghae smiled, whispered in his mouth. Words, JaeJoong thought; words he never thought he’d hear from Donghae. Words he wished he had heard from ChangMin before.
Before Donghae came along.
*
“They’re quite good, aren’t they, Heechul-san?”
Heechul almost jumped from his seat; Saitoh always liked surprising people by creeping up to them from behind and then whispering in their ears. It has been three months and yet Saitoh still managed to catch people by surprise. “Saitoh-kun,” he acknowledged, earning a sly smile from the other man. Saitoh took the seat next to Heechul. “It’s their first time doing this, right?” he asked, cocking his head to Donghae, Yehsung and JaeJoong’s direction. The trio was practicing their lines before the actual taping. Heechul nodded. “Their first project in this genre. And mine, too, actually.”
“Oh.”
And there it was again; the drawl in Saitoh’s voice. Heechul rolled his eyes. “Maybe I should change the script and put you with one of the characters, Saitoh-kun. You’d be perfect.”
Saitoh grinned. “Maybe you should.”
“Are you seriously flirting with me?”
The Japanese actor leaned closer, his face almost just an inch from Heechul’s. The rest of the staff seemed oblivious to them. His dongsaeng were still practicing their lines. Heechul’s breath almost hitched but he remained calm. Or at least tried to appear calm.
“Maybe. Would that be a problem, Heechul-san?”
Heechul’s eyes narrowed. “Yes.”
Saitoh laughed, causing the trio to stop practicing and look at them. Damned Japanese actor, Heechul thought as he punched Saitoh’s arm and stormed out of the room, barking at anyone in his way. Damned, stupid casting director, he thought as well.
“JAEJOONG, DONGHAE. YOU’RE UP NEXT!”
Next time, he will have a hand in casting.
*
( Jinhyun, please- )
JaeJoong closed his eyes, body arching up as Donghae’s lips left a trail of butterfly kisses from his neck down to his navel. ( Not yet, Junhae.) Donghae had one hand slowly massaging the inside of his one of his thighs and he thanked all the heavenly beings that he had control and that the skin-colored underwear was thick enough to handle these circumstances. ( But, Jinhyu-uhhn- ) JaeJoong gasped, eyes flying open; Donghae’s lips were on his, shutting any sound coming from his mouth. ( We’re not acting anymore, aren’t we, Junhae? ) Donghae was trailing kisses down his neck again, stopping on a nipple, sucking on it and JaeJoong’s thoughts flew from his mind. There was a dialogue here, something he was supposed to say, but everything was all muddled up in his head. He was feeling Donghae, not Jinhyun-no, not Jinhyun anymore. There was something real in all this and-god, he could see Heechul looking at them with wide eyes-he should just ignore it because he was a professional now; even Saitoh who has had experience in this field has told him so. But-
( Junhae. Answer me, Junhae. )
Donghae was looking at him, eyes locked with his. He stared back and saw everything he knew he was feeling, everything Donghae had told him, had made him feel for the past few months. All the moments, the memories, the fleeting kisses and those which made his knees weak-everything. They were there and Jinhyun-Donghae-was waiting for him. Again, like he has done for so many years.
( Jinhyun, I- )
And then suddenly there it was. Right in front of him were all the answers to all those questions, the doubt erased from his mind. Funny, he thought as he reached up to kiss Donghae-not Jihyun-as softly as he could. Funny that he should realize it now when it wasn’t Donghae who was asking, but Jinhyun. He ran his fingers through Donghae’s hair, holding him there as if he was about to vanish anytime soon (he wasn’t, JaeJoong was sure; no one was running away this time). Donghae put his arms around him, carrying him, putting JaeJoong’s legs around his waist without breaking their kiss. JaeJoong could feel Donghae’s heart beating faster as if he knew what JaeJoong was really feeling right now. He was losing his breath and so was Donghae but no one was stopping, no one was letting go.
( Junhae- )
Donghae was breathless, they both were. He didn’t know how Donghae could still remember his character’s name when all his mind could process right now was that their lips were just centimeters apart, swollen from that last kiss. Donghae’s eyes were half-lidded, lips softly kissing his again as if they hadn’t just done so. ( Junhae- ) Donghae was still gasping for breath, still trying to gain more oxygen, but his lips were on JaeJoong’s, kissing him harder again. JaeJoong slowly reversed the situation, pinning Donghae down, hands mapping the latter’s well-built chest. A moan escaped Donghae’s lips and JaeJoong could almost swear he heard him whisper JaeJoong instead of Junhae. He left Donghae’s lips, trailing kisses down his neck, grazing his teeth as he passed by a nipple. He could hear Heechul hiss something that sounded like this is not part of the script but he couldn’t care less. Donghae’s hands were on his hair, gripping it as if he was holding onto dear life. This was beginning to be real, JaeJoong thought as he broke the kiss and looked directly into Donghae’s eyes. And perhaps, it should be.
The lights disappeared and he could no longer hear or see anything but Donghae.
( I love you. ) Not Jinhyun, never Jinhyun.
Just Donghae. Only Donghae.
*
Yehsung could only stare at the scene, could only stand there and watch as JaeJoong and Donghae made everything real. He could not even tell Heechul to yell at them to stop; everyone was thinking that this was part of the script or that the actors just put some spice to their drama. As if the drama needed any more spicing up.
His eyes widened when something wet fell down his cheeks. He turned around, quickly exiting the scene before anyone could see him, could see his tears. He shouldn’t let this get to him; Donghae and JaeJoong might just be putting some unneeded spice to the drama but he wasn’t that stupid. He knew when something was make-believe and when it wasn’t.
And that-that had every bit of reality in it.
*
JaeJoong pulled his jacket closer to his body. It was nearly mid-October, nearly Donghae’s birthday, and Japan was beginning to be colder than he could remember. The leaves were now beginning to turn into a beautiful shade of red and orange; some remained holding onto the branches, others let go and slowly fell to the ground.
He fished his keys from his pocket, taking one last look at their old apartment before closing it up. It was the last time that he’ll ever set foot in that place, the last time he’ll ever let Japan’s nostalgia get to him. When he gets back from shooting, he’ll give his copy of the key to YooChun. Or JunSu. Or YunHo. Or to whoever wanted it. He didn’t need it anymore.
He was moving on.
JaeJoong flipped his phone open, going through his contacts. At first, he didn’t know why he saved that number, why even bothered getting it. He had no use of it. He didn’t even want to see his name on his contacts. But he memorized the stupid number anyway and saved it on his mobile phone afterwards.
Now he knew why.
Hey ChangMin. It’s me, JaeJoong.
tbc.
o8.d | o9
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