when love comes calling, don't look back

[coronated]

Characters: Utena and Mami
Date: During the mistletoe event
Summary: The best way to make things between a friend less awkward is to make out with them! Oh wait.
Warnings: None

Comments

[headedforhope]

[Utena isn't alone in her wanderings or her confusion, comfortless as that likely is

[coronated]

[The two songbirds flit over to another tree. Utena catches a flash of green and red on one of the low hanging branches, an unusual splash of color in the otherwise drab and gray scenery, but she pays it little mind. Her focus is wholly on the little birds who sit high above that branch, making a game of passing her ribbon back and forth between them. Her teeth grit; a slow-burning frustration begins to boil over.

She almost darts past Mami, but stops at the sound of her name, freezes and turns around. She begins to smile.]

Oh! Mami-san, I... [But she freezes in mid-greeting, the hand that was beginning to raise in a wave falling at her side. The use of her family name, it seems, has not been lost on her. The smile freezes in place and then disappears. For the first time, Utena's expression is difficult to read. Her hand curls into a loose fist, and she shakes her head.]

I don't need any help. I'm just trying to get my ribbon from those birds. [It looks as if she might say something else, but instead she jogs toward the tree,

[headedforhope]

[She flinches inwardly, and with the twinge of guilt comes a faint surprise. Mami has blunted herself to a great degree, calloused her emotions to make aloofness easier. It seems that she's underestimated how much the progress she's made, slow and difficult as it's been, has defrosted her. But when Utena starts her climb, such thoughts no longer seem important.]

You're- ...wait! [It comes out almost like a plea, as if she was asking Utena for something so much more meaningful than to simply stop. Mami quickly walks over to the tree on legs that don't feel quite steady. It's hard, but somehow she manages to look up at Utena trying to conquer the branches.] Ah, you don't have to do that. There's...I'm sure there's another way... [one hand leans on the trunk as if for support, the other tugging lightly at her scarf - she's imagining her ribbons, enveloping the birds, ribbon and all] ...and I don't want you to fall. They're pretty high up, you know?

[Despite everything, all the embarrassment and unease and that damned tight feeling in

[coronated]

[Utena keeps her wary focus on the birds. They are watching her too, the ribbon hanging in their beaks. The intent, careful expressions strike her as too human, and she is suddenly uneasy about their scrutiny. Still, she continues to climb. A branch groans beneath her weight; she hops to the next. On the ground, Utena moves with a sure-footed agility, but up in the cradle of branches, there is an unusual grace in her movements, the dance of someone accustomed to moving quickly and carefully.

She hears Mami and swallows the first bitter words that come to mind: Why do you care? Instead, she tries to give her some hollow reassurance. There is no need to lash out, she convinces herself. She wonders why she's so angry, anyway.]

I'll be fine! Don't worry!

[She's so close to the birds. The world has compressed, shrunk to this goal, and this one alone. They seem to be waiting for her to move, and she does. Her hand reaches out to grab the ribbbon. She's so close...]

I'm...almost there...

[The branch underneath her feet is too weak to

[headedforhope]

[Any further protests die in her throat. Mami doesn't respond to Utena's empty claims, only watches her progress. Watches her get farther and farther away, dancing with risk again as if utterly heedless to it. A quiet frustration begins to come over her, a feeling that has always existed beneath the guilt and embarrassment yet only now bleeding through them. Mami grits her teeth, murmurs very softly under her breath:]

You idiot, at this rate you really are going to fall.

[And then the sound of the breaking branch snaps Mami back to reality, and Utena is hanging on but for the moment, and Mami realizes something very important very quickly: there's no time.

No time to let these confusing feelings paralyze her. No time to hide away, to try and run and leave them behind, to wrap the old distance around herself in hopes that it would help. There's no time to do anything but the one thing she had failed to do when Charlotte was closing in, all garish colors and grinning teeth in a sickening, surreal place that was a world unto itself:

[coronated]

[Utena's arm begins to shake from the strain of keeping her grip steady. The empty sky is of no comfort and the black, glassy eyes of the birds are even less so. But she doesn't let go; she won't let go. She can use her other hand to reach it, she can swing her legs up to hold on to the branch, she doesn't need any help

[headedforhope]

[Mami lets out a sigh of relief, her breath a soft wispy cloud carried away by the wind. It's cold, she notices again with a new clarity, now that the moment of danger has passed; raising goosebumps all over her skin, her nose and cheeks and fingertips flushing pink, turning numb. Under her command, the ribbons lower Utena gently, moving away from the tree to avoid the branches. A new wind rustles Mami's skirt, plays with her curls - she shivers, yet presses on.

Soon, Utena is near enough to the ground to reach out and touch it. Mami smiles at her, the expression weak and weighed down - heavy with a hundred things she can't yet say. But there's an apology there, and concern, and a genuine relief that Utena isn't hurt. A pause, searching for some way to begin, and then Mami asks softly:]

Are you all right?

[She doesn't just mean the near-miss.]

[coronated]

[She steps off the ribbons as soon as she is close enough to the ground for it to be safe, and turns away from Mami, ignoring her smile, returning her gaze to the birds still nestled safely on the branch. Her teeth grit again, and she manages a terse:]

I'm fine. [She quickly wipes at her face with her sleeve. One of the birds flutters down, the ribbon held in its beak, and gently deposits it into Utena's hand. The look she gives it is enough to make it retreat, returning to its safe haven up above.

Utena ties her hair back again. She appears tense, the movements of her hands rushed and stilted.] You didn't have to help. [This is at least delivered a bit more gently.] I could've gotten a leg up on the branch, but thanks anyway. [She untucks her ponytail from her jacket collar, straightens her shoulders. Her hands hurt from holding on to the branch, and she stuffs them in her pockets.]

[headedforhope]

[That hurts, more than she could have expected. Mami bites her lip, does her best to swallow the sting - there's that tightness in her chest again, but for an entirely different reason. She had this coming anyway, didn't she? This is payback for her cowardice, her weakness and selfishness.]

You're right, I didn't have to. [She sucks in a quick breath, wraps her arms around herself to weather another icy breeze.] ...I did it because I wanted to. You're my friend, I didn't want you to get hurt. [Mami regards the ugly, depressing sky; her smile becomes a bitter and self-hating thing.] ....ah, but I haven't been a very good one lately, huh....?

[A moment to brace herself, and Mami steps forward. Slowly, she reaches out to gently touch Utena's arm.]

I'm sorry, Utena-san.

[coronated]

[It would be childish, she knows, to yank her arm away, and she doesn't want to besides. Regardless of what happened prior, Mami is her good friend - besides Xion, the only close friend she had in this place. She had trusted her before, and just now, as she fell from the tree. Trusting her again should not be hard.

Her hand reaches up to touch Mami's, and she sighs. The tenseness in her posture dissipates - she seems almost relieved. Her feelings are still hurt, she's still a little confused. But an apology goes a long way.]

Thanks for not letting me fall. ...I'm sorry too.

[headedforhope]

[There's an easing of the unhappy pressure, a slow and tentative relief that Mami tries to shove from her mind for the time being. She looks down at their hands. It isn't hard for her, so keenly aware of her surroundings (and every ache, every pang of feeling she carries) to notice how Utena's is reddened and sore....probably from clutching the tree branch in an attempt to stay aloft.]

....It's all right.

[She closes her eyes, concentrates. A golden light blooms from her fingertips, envelops Utena's hand in a warmth that heals and soothes - meant to reduce pain to little more than a bad memory. Mami shivers; the rest of her is growing colder, becoming numb, but she can't find it in her to regret this.]

[coronated]

[The warmth that covers her hand makes her jump, but soon enough she realizes that her hand no longer throbs with pain, and she can easily bend her fingers.]

Ah...um, thank you. [Finally she glances over her shoulder to smile at Mami. Her anger is forgotten for now...or at least, pushed to the side and buried.] It feels a lot better now. [She studies Mami carefully, tilts her head.] Aren't you cold in that?

[headedforhope]

[The acknowledgement helps her to relax, is soothing in a way Mami can't yet be bothered to define. It's a welcome change, this taste of the old normalcy between them. Her smile grows stronger, the unhappiness and shame falling away - because while she is cold, and bitterly so, the lessening of this tension goes a long way in helping her to forget that.]

A little, but I'll be fine.

[She withdraws her hand and searches Utena's face, the golden light and warmth fading into nothingness for the time being. The same selfless concern is heavy in her gaze, even as another breeze whips around them and raises goosebumps on Mami's skin.]

Your other hand...it probably hurts too, right? [Tentatively holding out both hands, testing the boundaries of this shaky return to friendliness:] ....let me see it.

[coronated]

[It takes her a minute, but Utena eventually holds out her second hand for Mami to hold. It does hurt, but she's had worse, and puts on a brave face.] It's not that bad. It only stings a little.

[The obvious concern etched on Mami's face makes her feel guilty, for being so angry. She still felt strange and off-balance when she looked at the other girl; the memory of their time with the music had not left her. That memory shifts and melds with others: the dreams, and what happened afterward. She remembers the advice of the woman on the Vine now, and her cheeks color slightly. Should she ask? Is it the right time?] Say, Mami?

[headedforhope]

Still....it shouldn't have to sting at all. [She takes it in both of her own, summoning the healing power once more. The glow returns, swallows their hands in warmth. To any passerby, it might seem almost intimate, this closeness - but there's no one else around, save for the birds who continue to watch them from high above.

Mami's thoughts are not running parallel to Utena's; she's too busy being grateful for this chance to atone in some small part to think about Claire's advice.] Yes?

[coronated]

I... [It looks as if Utena might say something important - she certainly looks as if she's prepared to say something serious - but at the last moment, she loses her nerve. She's disappointed in herself, for being so wary about this, but this situation is entirely new...things have changed in a way that she isn't quite prepared for yet.

She stares down at their hands, at the soft, golden glow of Mami's magic, and breathes in.] I wanted to say that I'm glad we're friends.